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Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

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Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#261

Post by dkarl »

DiscourseFan wrote: post #34
rahimnathwani wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The original paper has been cited 2000 times: https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&scioq=... That's a lot of citations for something they 'just do not care' about.

Psychologists, in my experience, seem to be strangely unaware of what is taken seriously by other psychologists. They're generally 50/50 on Freud, for instance, and the half who don't care much for him also don't think anyone does.

I think the 50/50 on Freud is an overrated/underrated equilibrium. Most of the Freud "fans" and Freud "haters" don't estimate him differently because they disagree about the correctness of specific Freudian theories; they mostly just feel that his legacy is overvalued or undervalued, or that his prominence in popular culture has been helpful versus harmful to the field. It's like asking basketball fans about Michael Jordan and getting answers that vary greatly depending on what they think is the right way to compare him to current players.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#262

Post by ksynwa »

ipnon wrote: post #18

There are no iPad kids in Taiwan. You go to a restaurant and all the toddlers are quietly eating. When the tantrums flare the parents gently put a lid on it. It’s truly remarkable, and I don’t have a good theory for it. But it makes going out for dinner a consistent pleasure. I don’t know how to raise kids with an even keel but I am certain that putting a nonstop algorithm in their face and becoming outraged when the…

> iPad kids

How old are these iPad kids generally? Never heard of this descriptor before.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#263

Post by demosthanos »

lr4444lr wrote: post #161
silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

This is a beautiful comment, but take a step back here: parenting today is more child centric than it has ever been in the USA, with parents spending more raw hours with their kids (because they are spending less time independently with each other or extended family) and more direct paternal involvement to boot. I do not mean to minimize the scourge of adult phone overuse or the importance of being sensitive to a chi…

I've caught myself using my smartphone as a socially acceptable way to create distance from my children and get time to myself. Having noticed that trend I'm trying to do better at setting boundaries in healthy ways.

If it were socially acceptable to just tell your kids that you need some "you" time, I wonder how less prevalent smartphone usage among parents would be.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#264

Post by latentcall »

ksynwa wrote: post #258

I get to closely watch my nephew being raised. He is about 2.5 years old now. If his parents need to go somewhere, they do this thing where they slip away while someone distracts the child. Really breaks my heart to see this. I can see the convenience factor. But I noticed that when the child is with them, he very often looks over his shoulders when they go out of his view. The kid is really sweet and deserves respec…

Can’t they bring him with them sometimes? I have a 9 month old so I don’t get it yet but I would bring my daughter with us most of the time in that situation and just tell her this time it needs to be me and Mom only and she can come next time.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#265

Post by Der_Einzige »

ChrisGreenHeur wrote: post #184
kaptainscarlet wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is why they say an anecdote is not data

An anecdote is exactly one data. You cannot extrapolate on one data point.

IpAdapter among many other ML projects proved that you can indeed extrapolate on one data point. Why say lies on the internet so confidently?

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#266

Post by imp0cat »

ozim wrote: post #32
zeristor wrote: post #2

This article mentions the marshmallow experiment. I am confused do people actually like eating marshmallows, if so why? It always seems to be taken as read that they’re irresistible. Why on Earth

Normally I don't eat marshmallows and I don't crave for them. But once a pack is open and I get one, whole pack just goes. I find texture quite satisfying and since I eat them once in couple years it feels like something new and different from normal stuff I eat so it ends up "just one more" until there is no more.

Yeah, the texture is probably more interesting than the taste. But a small pack is enough.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#267

Post by tayo42 »

TheAlchemist wrote: post #166

"Another thing I’ve noticed is how much modeling matters. My daughter watches everything I do. If I tell her to wait and then lose my patience two seconds later because the internet is slow, what’s the lesson there?" As a father of 3 kids, I can confirm 100% this is true. Once you understand that, your life changes completely. You realize there is somebody in this world, who will model their life after yours. What ki…

Maybe that's true of little kids but idk if that going to 100% dictate the adult they turn into. There's alot of things my parents did that I never took on.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#268

Post by mgfist »

andrewla wrote: post #245

This is stupid. The article misses its own point. The marshmallow test does not predict success in life. Success in life predicts the marshmallow test. All the other factors they measure are variants of this. Success of parents, stability of home life, etc., are not random events that happen to a child. They are contributors via a variety of uncontrolled factors that correlate to being successful later in life. In ot…

I don't think the author disagrees. He's not implying that the marshmallow test is the cause for success. I think he says what you say - that passing the marshmallow test is a measure of success of how well you parented a child.

Note the last sentence:

> And who knows, maybe one day they will pass their own version of the marshmallow test

The marshmallow test is just a rhetorical symbol for patience and virtue. I.e. "If I do well as a parent, my child will grow up to be patient and virtuous".

Not, "If I get my kid to do well on this random pop-psych experiment right now, they'll grow up to be successful".

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#269

Post by CMCDragonkai »

lupire wrote: post #192
motorest wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Is it really for no real reason, though? > Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? You might not be aware, but different cultural backgrounds do result in different life experiences. You might have even noticed that that's the whole point o…

Some people get really hung up on rigid thinking around "correlation is not causation" and throw the baby out with the bathwater, bending over backwards to avoid leaning on correlation at all. They focus on strict causal-logic, to the point of ignoring the truth value of of statistical reasoning under uncertainty.

I call this motivated reasoning.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#270

Post by tayo42 »

dyauspitr wrote: post #8
zeristor wrote: post #2

This article mentions the marshmallow experiment. I am confused do people actually like eating marshmallows, if so why? It always seems to be taken as read that they’re irresistible. Why on Earth

Marshmallows, twizzlers, any of those corner store “cakes” like twinkies, the McRib, pop tarts etc. are absolutely disgusting hyped things I don’t understand. It’s like they manage to take sugar that most people like and make it inedible.

Twizzlers are kind of ehh

But hostess snacks you don't like? Didn't that was possible. Lol

Or a poptart right out of the toaster?

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