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Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

desunit.com

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Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#241

Post by throw0101c »

silisili wrote: post #85
opdahl wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You reject that peoples personalities are shaped by their environment? What if instead of focusing on location but instead focused on time period. Do you think there would be behavioral differences between a child born to a middle class family now compared to one 1,000 years ago? What about 10,000 years ago? Rejecting the premise that the environment shapes who we are and the type of people we become sounds extremely…

> You reject that peoples personalities are shaped by their environment No, I reject that you can tell anything meaningful about the environment by country. Or even state. Or even neighborhood! Japan itself could fit into the US 25 times by area. Are kids raised in SF the same as those raised in Alabama? Or NY vs Phoenix? It'd be insane to make any generalities about a country so large and diverse, IMO. Heck, kids in…

> Or even neighborhood!

Well then it's kind of a strange coïncidence that there is a high correlation between population density and political leaning/voting:

* https://dailyyonder.com/distance-and-density-not-just-demogr...

And not just in the US:

* https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00104140231194...

* https://macleans.ca/politics/ottawa/338canada-the-urban-rura...

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#242

Post by bluGill »

silisili wrote: post #69
Terr_ wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The good news is that most kids very good at modeling themselves after the adults they see, without specific prompting to do so. The bad news is that they can be too good: It's hard to change yourself if you don't want them to learn something. ("Do what I say, not what I do.")

Spot on. A child will take every annoying habit you don't even know that you have, and put it on full display. It's quite humbling.

Sometimes you can get a child to not get into your bad habits, but only if they are really bad. I know a women who never drinks because her parents were alcoholics and she doesn't want to follow their path. (her mother went to rehab for it, when she got back the first thing her husband did was pour her two shots and ordered her to drink).

Most of the time you are right though, kids see and follow their parents.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#243

Post by bluGill »

aqueueaqueue wrote: post #185
silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

Is it better if the phone is a book and you read alot. That might be something to encourage? I guess it is still an isolated activity from the kid, but at least the message is "read books" over "stare at addictive device". You can also talk about the book with your kids and they see different covers each day and may be curious (and may pick it up)

What different does it make? My kids are rarely allowed screens, but they read in excess. They often get into trouble at school because after we go to bed thinking they are asleep they read a book - then the lack of sleep shows up in their behavior.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#244

Post by ineedasername »

What if you live in an unpredictable society where promises are often broken and trust outside of a chosen few should rarely be given?

Rightfully, the article says kids shouldn’t be judged for not waiting if there are factors that said, “hmm, that second marshmallow may be a lie.”

But I’m not sure the story goes far enough in this sentiment: when trust has been broken, waiting for the second marshmallow is the less adaptive response. The waiters are the kids behaving against a likely outcome. To the extent that this might predict later behavior at all then my guess would be that that non-trust marshmallow-eaters might show more determination to go after what they want than non-trust marshmallow-waiters. And the true test would be which kids adapt their waiting choices according to the promises kept/not kept.

But then again sometimes a marshmallow is just a marshmallow.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#245

Post by andrewla »

This is stupid. The article misses its own point.

The marshmallow test does not predict success in life. Success in life predicts the marshmallow test. All the other factors they measure are variants of this. Success of parents, stability of home life, etc., are not random events that happen to a child. They are contributors via a variety of uncontrolled factors that correlate to being successful later in life.

In other words, doing things in your child's life in an attempt to improve their Marshmallow Metric (tm) is useless cargo culting.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#246

Post by bluGill »

silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

> I became a parent before I was ready

Me too, and I was almost 40 before I had my first. Worse, the affects of age is already showing in my body and so physically I'm less prepared than when I was 20.

For others reading this, you will never be ready. However it is still worth it. I encourage you take the plunge, and don't wait to long. You will never be ready. (of course not having kids is the right choice for some of you, I'll let you judge your own reasoning - if it is just fear go for it, but there are plenty of good reasons not to)

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#248

Post by xedrac »

silisili wrote: post #66
motorest wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Is it really for no real reason, though? > Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? You might not be aware, but different cultural backgrounds do result in different life experiences. You might have even noticed that that's the whole point o…

I reject that premise. It's completely fine to point out societal norms. Neither were particularly offensive. But assuming a Japanese child will have patience where an American will not is the same weird thought that leads to weird guys wanting Japanese wives for 'obedience.' I'm not at all against pointing out or even flexing cultural differences, but they don't matter at all when raising a child(other than of cours…

I have a math brain as well. But I also have 5 kids, and despite my teaching them very similarly, one of those kids cannot do math at all, another is average, and the remaining three are brilliant at it.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#249

Post by spacechild1 »

staz wrote: post #144
andrepd wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Funny you're being downvoted. Meta shareholders? :-)

it's probably being downvoted because it's empty virtue signaling that doesn't provide anything to the discourse

First, it's not downvoted. Second, it's not virtual signalling. I literally do not give mobile devices to my young kids. It is an option that more parents should consider... I've seen parents mounting a tablet to their baby stroller. It's fucked up.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#250

Post by mgfist »

Frieren wrote: post #68

The main challenge that parents face today is on-line culture. Creating trust may mitigate that. In the same way that teachers cannot educated children instead of their parents, even that they help. Social networks should not educate children but they are doing that. Being the problem that social network incentives are misaligned with education. Ad driven feature development and content promotion plus total deregulat…

I think the far bigger problem is ipad kids. Social media is a problem, but it's not something that young kids understand. But young kids do understand ipads and youtube and mobile games.

Seeing 3 year olds zonked out is what worries me. That's a lot harder to untangle, imo.

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