I may be barking completely up the wrong tree here, but the first thing that came to my mind here was the situation described by Alain de Botton in Status Anxiety: namely spending a lifetime pursuing goals and values belonging to OTHER people (e.g. parents, society, etc), rather than your own. Then you achieve all these goals only to realise, what now.
Great book, well worth a read.
As an aside (same caveat about barking and trees), perhaps you just need a sabbatical. If you can afford it financially, there's nothing wrong with it, and can help you refocus.
I have some ketamine on order hoping it is as effective as they say. I’m also at an all time low, about to hit 40.
This will be my second major round of depression in my 30’s. I have bipolar type 2, but even managed that condition is very dicey.
I found that resentment was a major force behind the first round. Disappointment dominates this wave. I have a psychiatrist, who prescribed me lithium which was very helpful indeed, until I quit it. Therapy, just having someone check in is something valuable, but I quit that too.
I’ll be clear I’m not offering advice. For me, I escaped the first round by taking a series of high dose psilocybin trips. Some were very pleasant, others were like dying and going to hell, literally. I did some very stupid and risky things while under the influence. But for me personally, it absolutely saved my life. It really works. But you’ve got to control the environment carefully and have a babysitter.
That lasted nearly 2 years, now I’m again in trouble. Best I not say more. But that’s one solution I found
Being in the crypto industry I know quite a few people in the same financial situation or better.
You’ve exceeded the wealth of the normal man and for your lifetime. So almost all the financial incentives that workers go through no longer exist. The ironic term for this is “rich people problems”.
Waking up, having heavy decades long financial burdens is what 99% of the white collar working population goes through and you are not a part of that lifestyle.
Maybe the awareness that you are this point can help. You don’t work for financial reasons so you need to then find some deeper meaning to work life if you want to continue working.
I skimmed through all the comments (sorry if I missed it) but I couldn’t see any mention of the grief that comes with knowledge of the anthropocene. The world we have created, the changes we have made, are irrevocable. The hopes of our generation are lost because we are damned to know that the world is lost to us already. The sheer weight of grief at the loss of a world is something that nobody has been prepared to help you and I mourn. This is it. This is where it ends. There is no way through.
A lot of comments have said "stay in therapy" or "quit therapy", but my immediate reaction is that maybe you have the wrong (ineffective) therapist and need to switch . My spidey sense went up when you mentioned what "you told your therapist", full stop. I was at least expecting "what my therapist responded" or "what my therapist told me that didn't work". That really (spidey sense, no evidence really) implies that y…
This comment is extremely well written and on point.
In fact, I feel like I'm having the opposite of the "HN is turning into Reddit" illusion, where I feel that over the last year or two the quality of discourse on HN has improved (!): more and more, well-reasoned life advice floats to the top of comment threads. The thread about marriage and divorce had similarly good insights yesterday.
Either that, or I've just matured and I can appreciate it all more :)
Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.…
I'm 32, wish often enough to not live, think about unfairness around the globe. I'm often enough dreading work. My work ethic is very high, it is my hobby and I'm really good at it. So if that's not being depressed, I'm just realistic?
How about fitness? Sex life? How's your diet? Do you have any vices? Do you have close relationships with friends or family? Do you do anything creative?
You're doing great on money, but you spent a whole lot of time talking about that. There's lots of other things to think about
Yes, you have reached the zenith of your career. Congratulations. You are self-sufficient and able to provide for the financial needs of your family. This is a true victory.
Now, it is time to focus on people other than yourself. Most other advice on here is awful; it amounts to different directions to run on the hedonic treadmill.
Instead, you have to give back now. What good is there to be done, that only you could do? What will be worse off if you don't lend a hand? This can range from finding better ways to support and mentor your children, to donating time to tutor students in programming, to building a well in Africa. Think hard about what you really care about, and then work hard to bring that into being.
> It's ok not to waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art Art?
Basically he's someone who only finds value by producing economic value for someone else. Their own wants, desires etc have no value to someone else so therefor should not be pursued. It's a pretty fucked up view of what life should be. I'm sure they're someone that views old people as having absolutely no value in life as well.
That's a less than charitable interpretation. Perhaps he simply isn't interested in art?