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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#241

Post by p_l »

kanonieer wrote: post #186

My immediate reaction to this: this is a form of sociopathic behavior. Then, I read the comments and saw that every person who came to the same conclusion is downvoted to hell. So I'm just adding this comment in solidarity with people who possess some sort of emotional intuition / "yikes radar". You're not alone.

Thing is, sociopathic would be if they lacked empathy for other person, not that they automated reminders and notes to regularly connect with other people (at various degrees of acquaintance&friendship).

Do we put the same kind "yikes value" on couples that schedule weekly outing to cinema? If no, why not? It's essentially the same base mode of operation, setting up a regular reminder to make time for each other. Or a group of friends. Is it really "more genuine" just because you don't know one of them has 20 overlapping calendar appointments with reminders in order to ensure that the weekly meet works out?

And honestly, a lot of those reactions were downvoted to hell because apparently there's quite a lot of us who don't find it easy to "message someone on the toilet" and don't accept pithy, empathy impaired message that if we have issues communicating then we don't care.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#243

Post by mlatu »

alexb_ wrote: post #21

It's completely and utterly superficial. You just cannot stay in touch with hundreds of people - it's not possible, unless you are doing so superficially and treating "friends" as "things I need to check up on so I don't lose a node to a network of people that might be helpful to me". Completely maxed out, humans can only have about 150 friends[1]. Trying to have more is just not being genuine. And think about the ot…

> It's sociopath behavior.

You say that out of the privilege of neurotypicallity.

"Sociopaths" (as you seem to call people who use this or similar approaches for keeping in touch) also need to live their lives.

Alternatively, is it your opinion they should be all locked up and put away with?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#245

Post by telesilla »

I keep a birthday calendar, also for my friend's kids. I stay in touch over the years this way really well, along with the occasional 'something popped up that reminded me of you'. For closer friends, it ebbs and flows naturally or as we travel.

How do you get someone's birthday? Ask them! Everyone is delighted to tell you, even if they are shy. The possibility of a future greeting is very meaningful.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#246

Post by p_l »

lmm wrote: post #95
WastingMyTime89 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not a tech thing and is not sociopathic. Sells have been keeping cards on their customers for centuries and a whole category of software exists for that, CRMs. I personally can’t remember the names and ages of all the children of all the people I interact with. I still take the time to take notes about it when I can and review them before seeing someone. I still think it’s better than not caring at all. Reading…

> Sells have been keeping cards on their customers for centuries And they've been seen as greasy, superficial, fakers for just as long.

Because unlike someone trying to keep in touch, you always knew they were just angling to sell something to you.

Not because they kept a rolodex or used manual or computerised CRMs.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#247

Post by jjice »

I have a similar system, but mine is just a Python script and a text file. I hardcode people in the file in different categories and the file stores the recently contacted people. Once the file is the same length as the hardcoded people, the script clears it and we start anew. It emails me an idea of an opening line that I can expand upon so I can streamline the contacting, since I could sit down for 5 minutes without thinking how to open a conversation.

I really like systems like this. Some of my favorite things on HN are about automating life, but without removing the "you" part of it, just making it easier to manage.

PS: if anyone has any examples, I'd love to hear.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#248

Post by behringer »

stackbutterflow wrote: post #202
endymi0n wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel exactly the same, and honestly, it keeps me from approaching some people I‘d like to. If anyone has figured out a pretext or mental framework for warming up conversations that have effectively died long ago, I would be delighted to know about it.

I make sure to end each conversation properly. Something like "I have to go, I have something to do, that was nice talking to you". That way you can start a new conversation 6 months later and it doesn't feel awkward.

I like to just mention some bit of news or even weather and ask for their take, bam instant convo that says you thought of them while living your life and now you can take the convo in whatever direction.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#249

Post by snowwrestler »

gostsamo wrote: post #7

Let me just point that the messages must be genuine and thoughtful. It is written in the article, but it seems that some people failed to notice it and accuse the author of objectivization and hypocrisy.

You can also choose not to write. If the reminder email names someone you don’t feel like keeping in touch with anymore, you can just delete the email and go on with your day.

It’s a system of personal reminders, not a Jira backlog to burn down.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#250

Post by da39a3ee »

Perhaps the people that should be at the absolute top of our list to contact are the ones that have bothered contacting us over the years?

Other than that I don’t have much to add — I’m absolutely terrible at this and my life suffers as a result. If probably enjoy building a tool like this but the problem is I don’t enjoy reaching out to people. Although I would enjoy the consequences of having reached out.

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