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What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

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Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#241

Post by csomar »

nugget wrote: post #7

In my experience extreme workaholism can often be a way to avoid or defer major life decisions that someone doesn't want to make or even consciously recognize. High status careers are often structured, full of positive feedback loops, and well compensated, all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date, even (perha…

> Eventually the debt comes due but sometimes not until many decades later.

It's a dangerous path if you don't have things to follow on through (like a family, kids, grown kids university, new wife, etc...). There is no meaning to life and it makes more sense to end your life right now. (at least with the info/data we have available).

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#242

Post by amelius »

mmsimanga wrote: post #87
hackworks wrote: post #24

Analogous to “putting all eggs in a single basket”, the risks are very high. You end up becoming hyper sensitive at work, start taking everything personal -well, it is your identity or ego at stake. Leads be becoming very closed, guarded and aggressive. Everyday becomes a fight for survival. I personally went through this phase for a long time. Looking back, some of my managers exploited this by reinforcing. They kne…

I wonder if it is an age thing. Paraphrasing but there is a quote along the lines of the difference between experienced people/managers and inexperienced people is they know which battles to fight. Sadly this is a right of passage, you need to fight the wrong battles first before you realise this. I am in my forties now and so much better at selecting which battles to fight.

Might also be why companies prefer youngsters over people who are 40+. The opportunity for exploitation is higher.

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#243

Post by ip26 »

alisonatwork wrote: post #208
ip26 wrote: post #201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It kind of sounds like what you like best about travel is having free time. In other words it's not about how great travel is, but about how much you dislike like your (all-consuming) job.

I don't really hate my job. I think i would rather be a software developer than many other things. I do tend to work around 45 hours, but i don't take my work home with me. Well, not physically. It's more the emotional toll that it takes - having to be extroverted and "on" all through the week uses up all of my spoons. By the weekend i have nothing left. I definitely would be happier if i had more free time. But my f…

It sounds like you are doing a lot of things right. I can offer one thought. A coworker of mine once told me that biking to & from work helped him decompress & be emotionally present for his kids when he got home, while driving just brought all the stress right home with him. I've come to agree. Bussing with a mile of walking down a nice lane has also had similar results.

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#244

Post by ip26 »

o-__-o wrote: post #203
wgaf wrote: post #188

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wholeheartedly agree. I'm currently into my third year of traveling and third new country. I'm getting pretty exhausted of starting again (new engineering job, new environment and new friends) and I'm starting to yearn for roots. It does take it's toll on you as now nowhere feels like home.

Then you settle down and the yearn to travel again takes over. It never really settles until you have kids.. and then I wonder if it’s only temporary (really want to travel now but the little one won’t remember it, so I’m rooted to his hometown)

They don't have to remember it. They won't remember anything before about 5 anyway. The time with them is (in a way) a very private experience only you & your partner will remember. You're making memories- for yourself.

Or, to put it in different terms, they fly free until they turn 2. Get at it.

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#245

Post by o-__-o »

ip26 wrote: post #244
o-__-o wrote: post #203

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Then you settle down and the yearn to travel again takes over. It never really settles until you have kids.. and then I wonder if it’s only temporary (really want to travel now but the little one won’t remember it, so I’m rooted to his hometown)

They don't have to remember it. They won't remember anything before about 5 anyway. The time with them is (in a way) a very private experience only you & your partner will remember. You're making memories- for yourself. Or, to put it in different terms, they fly free until they turn 2. Get at it.

Lol oh I did that, but it was to visit family. I had companion pass so we only needed to purchase one ticket and just went to different cities. Now we are beyond that free ticket age, and we value the experience as much as our time together that we want to wait until they do remember. So our first REAL family vacation is still three years away but I’ve already got our Paris adventure planned out!

One thing about traveling in general while children are young is that they become accustomed to it. Getting on a plane this weekend was a nothingburger for us, because it was like our 18th time going into the clouds. Same with 3 hour road trips, it becomes another facet of life

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#246

Post by ip26 »

WalterBright wrote: post #73
JMTQp8lwXL wrote: post #31

My pursuit of financial independence consequently led to my career becoming my identity. I've optimized for raising my income and savings to reduce "time to FI", that by the time I get there -- about 4 years, give or take -- that I've become the thing I explicitly set out to remove from my life. It's not that I don't like working, but I wish to do so on my own terms. Maybe that means short-term contracts a few months…

> I've optimized for raising my income I've had a lot of behaviors that would save money. One day I realized that the time I spent saving money was much less productive than time spent making money. I.e. by spending more time making money I had more free time.

Depending on the behavior, you can get some fun out of it. I enjoy snooping around the house looking for leaks & thin spots in the insulation.

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#247

Post by octokatt »

Lynolix wrote: post #240

It's better than your whole identity and existence constituting clinical depression, video games and no career—let alone work history.

Different outcome, but similar cause. The high-pressure system of achievement is a cause for both high-profile burnout and hikikomori [0] [1].

[0] https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/young-people-j... [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#248

Post by alecbenzer »

w-ll wrote: post #211
alecbenzer wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Taking out more than $40k/year erodes your principal though, I thought that was pertymcpert's point? Like, if you've got $800k and can reliably earn 5%, as long as you're withdrawing only $40k you're good. But if you withdraw $41k one year, your principal is now only $799k. Next year if you need $42k, the return from your $799k is only $39,950, so your principal goes down to $796,950, etc. From a quick spreadsheet, i…

Not taking a piss, could you share your spreadsheet?

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RTa0rnMdk8VSPpK7qgkl...

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#249

Post by alecbenzer »

josalhor wrote: post #233
alecbenzer wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Taking out more than $40k/year erodes your principal though, I thought that was pertymcpert's point? Like, if you've got $800k and can reliably earn 5%, as long as you're withdrawing only $40k you're good. But if you withdraw $41k one year, your principal is now only $799k. Next year if you need $42k, the return from your $799k is only $39,950, so your principal goes down to $796,950, etc. From a quick spreadsheet, i…

He is not trying to live off the dividend (as far as I understand), he is trying to live off the principal and the dividend. At the end of the day, if his expected life span is something like 85 years and he accounts for 110 years in savings he would be left with very little principal, but who cares at that point. It is true however that getting that right may be very tricky, because if you miscalculate you have no s…

Yeah I guess this is fine as long as you account for it. Starting with $800k, $40k expenses, 2% inflation and 5% return, retiring at 35 you end deplete your money at 67, but starting with $1M takes you to 83.

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#250

Post by bobbydroptables »

tempsy wrote: post #197
alisonatwork wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why does traveling non-stop make you feel like you're side-stepping your role in society? One of the things i like best about traveling is that i have the time and mental energy to engage with the people around me. I eat at restaurants, i go to bars, i listen and share stories, i'll contribute to the local economy and perhaps put a smile on someone's face. When i am working i suppose you could say i am contributing t…

Solo travel is an inherently selfish pursuit. You are just consuming, and not creating anything of value for society.

It's not any more or less selfish than the existence of 90+% of people just going through the motions to get through the day. The "value" most people create for society is a byproduct of that person needing an income. If they could get the same income without doing any work, most would choose that.
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