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I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

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Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#221

Post by st3v3r »

LordKano wrote: post #165

So... Why didn't she just give him a firm, but polite "I'm not interested"? I'm not saying that stalking and/or harassment are acceptable. I'm just saying that she probably could have avoided 14 years of misery if she had just politely told the guy that there was no potential for anything more. Women need to learn to reject people in whom they're not interested. They think they're being "nice" or at the very least, b…

She did. He escalated.

Seriously, you have never dealt with this before. Do not pretend that you know what to do.

And quite frankly, even if she didn't, that does NOT excuse this asshole for ruining her life.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#222

Post by st3v3r »

anon4 wrote: post #161
DanBC wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Imagine a business meeting. A person is talking, and a man interrupts and talks over that person. The person asserts themselves, and tells the interrupting man not to interrupt. That person is more likely to be seen as confident or assertive if they're a man, and more likely to be seen as shrill or bitchy if they're a woman. > I have never once seen this particular double standard applied. I say this as someone with…

Huh. I would have thought that the woman in question is assertive and putting an asshole in his place, but now that you've told me society at large thinks of her as a bitch, I'll make sure to fall in line.

Do not try that mock outrage here. You know exactly what was said. It is not a new thing that most people will think that an assertive woman is acting like a bitch, even if they're doing the same thing a man is doing.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#223

Post by st3v3r »

anupamsr wrote: post #126
anupamsr wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is simply not true. The 'societal pressure' on women to be accommodating is the cost levied on women for being allowed to be judge and jury about how someone is treating them. To quote, 'with great power comes great responsibility'. By missing the power part of the equation, you are creating a victim of responsibility. In a world where women actually don't have to face any repercussion for being irresponsible, I…

The way I am getting down modded only proves that HN is mostly frequented by men. Only men enjoy looking at women as powerless entity with no agency.

Or it could be that what you're saying has no bearing in reality at all, and is just you trying to blame the victim.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#224

Post by st3v3r »

ryanlol wrote: post #129
btilly wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh, she got specific advice about restraining orders. The specific advice was, "The point at which a stalker is likely to flip out is the point where it becomes obvious to the stalker that the attention is unwanted and the relationship can never work. There is a real possibility that the act of taking out a restraining order will trigger a murder-suicide." When you're dealing with insane people, you can't expect a sa…

At that point, why not just buy a gun and start going to a shooting range? Most US jurisdictions have a legal framework that enables you to kill others in self-defense. I don't personally believe that anyone should have to do this, but I also believe that if you feel sufficiently threatened it'd be silly to ignore your legal right to self-defense.

Or, they could throw the asshole in jail, and be done with the whole thing.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#225

Post by st3v3r »

throwaway39578 wrote: post #61
cplease wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or just telling him directly to stop himself. Maybe she did, but she didn't say she did. "Don't message me SO MUCH or I will BLOCK YOU" isn't quite the same thing as DON'T CONTACT ME AGAIN. A gentleman would get the hint, but a gentleman wouldn't be such a creepy asshole to begin with. You don't legally have the right to dictate to someone how they talk to you. You do legally have the right to cut off all contact wit…

"Don't message me SO MUCH or I will BLOCK YOU" sounds exactly like "I told my cyber stalker that if he didn't ease up on how much he was messaging me - my phone was beeping multiple times per day, bothering me at all hours - he could forget about breakfast in the morning from here on out - the next time he showed up at my apartment, I'd send him home with the night bus as soon as we were done having sex." (not a quot…

No. She is not in the wrong at all. No one deserves to have this happen to them.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#226

Post by anupamsr »

st3v3r wrote: post #223
anupamsr wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The way I am getting down modded only proves that HN is mostly frequented by men. Only men enjoy looking at women as powerless entity with no agency.

Or it could be that what you're saying has no bearing in reality at all, and is just you trying to blame the victim.

Mistakes are pointed out so they can be avoided, not to blame.

Can you find where I have blamed the author of the article? You can't 'cuz I didn't.

Or you really really think that women shouldn't learn to protect privacy?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#227

Post by openasocket »

Lawtonfogle wrote: post #220
openasocket wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can only be committed against your will if a mental health professional determines you to be an active risk to yourself or others. The key point there is that you have to be evaluated by a mental health professional: and it's not like there are psychologists roaming the streets evaluating strangers. There are only a couple of scenarios that can result in being evaluated: voluntarily (i.e. seeing a therapist) or b…

>voluntarily (i.e. seeing a therapist) or by some sort of court mandate (if a person accused of a crime displays signs of mental illness So what you are saying is that if I voluntarily seek a therapist, I could end up committed, but if I don't, then I have to have done something bad enough for me to be in front of the judge first. And people wonder why we have such issues with our mental health care system. (Not that…

Getting committed by a therapist you are seeing is very rare, generally only happens if you are actively suicidal, and will tend to only last a few days. The barrier for involuntary committing is very high: I've known several people who engaged in self harm and cutting, told their therapists, and were not committed. The benefits far outweigh the risks.

>And people wonder why we have such issues with our mental health care system.

Genuine question: what would you want to see instead? Would you want it to be impossible to commit patients without consent, and risk more people committing suicide? I understand being frustrated with the system, but I don't see any easy answers.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#228

Post by chris11 »

Lawtonfogle wrote: post #220
openasocket wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can only be committed against your will if a mental health professional determines you to be an active risk to yourself or others. The key point there is that you have to be evaluated by a mental health professional: and it's not like there are psychologists roaming the streets evaluating strangers. There are only a couple of scenarios that can result in being evaluated: voluntarily (i.e. seeing a therapist) or b…

>voluntarily (i.e. seeing a therapist) or by some sort of court mandate (if a person accused of a crime displays signs of mental illness So what you are saying is that if I voluntarily seek a therapist, I could end up committed, but if I don't, then I have to have done something bad enough for me to be in front of the judge first. And people wonder why we have such issues with our mental health care system. (Not that…

I'm not a counselor myself, but I have several in my family. It has been my impression that therapists would not be interested in committing you unless there was an immediate threat to you or someone else.

They would much rather use a treatment method you agreed with. So if you were very depressed they would definitely be concerned. But I don't know if you would get involuntarily committed unless the difference between involuntary commitment and outpatient treatment was a life or death choice. I don't expect you could say much to a therapist that would not stay private unless there was an extremely good reason.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#229

Post by Lawtonfogle »

openasocket wrote: post #227
Lawtonfogle wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>voluntarily (i.e. seeing a therapist) or by some sort of court mandate (if a person accused of a crime displays signs of mental illness So what you are saying is that if I voluntarily seek a therapist, I could end up committed, but if I don't, then I have to have done something bad enough for me to be in front of the judge first. And people wonder why we have such issues with our mental health care system. (Not that…

Getting committed by a therapist you are seeing is very rare, generally only happens if you are actively suicidal, and will tend to only last a few days. The barrier for involuntary committing is very high: I've known several people who engaged in self harm and cutting, told their therapists, and were not committed. The benefits far outweigh the risks. >And people wonder why we have such issues with our mental health…

>Getting committed by a therapist you are seeing is very rare

There are many very rare things people take extreme precaution to avoid.

>Would you want it to be impossible to commit patients without consent, and risk more people committing suicide?

But more people would see therapists and thus less people would commit suicide overall. The choice is between a lower total suicide rate or a lower suicide rate in a subset which therapist are exposed to. And I'm not really surprised therapist opted for the one that is directly more visible.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#230

Post by Lawtonfogle »

chris11 wrote: post #228
Lawtonfogle wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>voluntarily (i.e. seeing a therapist) or by some sort of court mandate (if a person accused of a crime displays signs of mental illness So what you are saying is that if I voluntarily seek a therapist, I could end up committed, but if I don't, then I have to have done something bad enough for me to be in front of the judge first. And people wonder why we have such issues with our mental health care system. (Not that…

I'm not a counselor myself, but I have several in my family. It has been my impression that therapists would not be interested in committing you unless there was an immediate threat to you or someone else. They would much rather use a treatment method you agreed with. So if you were very depressed they would definitely be concerned. But I don't know if you would get involuntarily committed unless the difference betwe…

>I'm not a counselor myself, but I have several in my family. It has been my impression that therapists would not be interested in committing you unless there was an immediate threat to you or someone else.

The threat of me using a gun, no matter how unlikely it actually is, leads to me being banned from having a gun in quite a lot of places. Also, people will often not accurate take into account the chance of something happening when deciding how they should act.

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