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The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

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Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#211

Post by kawfey »

rawgabbit wrote: post #168
d4mi3n wrote: post #9

Is this really all that surprising? We have a ton of things ongoing now that we either know or suspect are big contributors to this: - the whole male loneliness epidemic - a longstanding loss of community and social organizations around the country - a pretty terrible job market for many Americans - plenty of things to be stressed or worried about. Geopolitical instability. Erosion of individual rights. The complete…

The Bowling Alone book captured this. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling_Alone ? Personally, I subscribe to the idea the underlying cause is the loss of trust in American institutions (government, church, corporations, sports, unions etc.) - Decline in trust undermines institutions, and the loss of institutions further reduces trust. - Rising inequality, political polarization, and lack of fairness & opportunity f…

I have this book, and it's been on my nightstand for about 3 years, still haven't read it.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#212

Post by b_e_n_t_o_n »

kawfey wrote: post #210
andrewrn wrote: post #63

This is very much upstream of sex. I just started a masters program this week, and on Friday night at 8 pm, zero out of 52 of my cohort members wanted to join me for a beer. It's anecdotal, but seemed really remarkable to me. So it's not just sex, young people don't socialize in-person nearly as much as they used to. I have no idea how this will be addressed, if it does ever get addressed.

I notice this too. I've made a new year resolution in 2024 to be much more outgoing with my friends and coworkers, and to go to more concerts. My wife isn't a concert person, and I don't have many local friends. But still, I always buy two tickets and, to the friends and colleagues I will offer the other ticket, usually in conversation or at random, usually months in advance, and usually at no cost just because I jus…

This is basically me except I'm not married. Not really much to say except your experience is super common and I often wonder if it's something specific to me (or us) or if it's just the way the world is now. I'd love closer connections with people but it just feels impossible.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#213

Post by adi_kurian »

kawfey wrote: post #210
andrewrn wrote: post #63

This is very much upstream of sex. I just started a masters program this week, and on Friday night at 8 pm, zero out of 52 of my cohort members wanted to join me for a beer. It's anecdotal, but seemed really remarkable to me. So it's not just sex, young people don't socialize in-person nearly as much as they used to. I have no idea how this will be addressed, if it does ever get addressed.

I notice this too. I've made a new year resolution in 2024 to be much more outgoing with my friends and coworkers, and to go to more concerts. My wife isn't a concert person, and I don't have many local friends. But still, I always buy two tickets and, to the friends and colleagues I will offer the other ticket, usually in conversation or at random, usually months in advance, and usually at no cost just because I jus…

I think one of the mentally healthier decisions I ever made was to realize that many of the friends I have, if I stopped reaching out to them, the relationships may cease to exist. And then quietly reframe them in my mind as good acquaintances.

You may be quite the extrovert like myself. My partner is an introvert and deeply struggles to reach out to people that she really wants to reach out to and keep in touch with. I found it quite baffling at first, though it appears to come from a desire to avoid bothering people. People are complicated.

And ultimately, real friendship is quite rare. I think Muhammad Ali had the best definition

"Friendship is a priceless gift that cannot be bought nor sold, but its value is far greater than a mountain made of gold. For gold is cold and lifeless. It can neither see nor hear. In times of trouble, it's powerless cheer. It has no ears to listen, no heart to understand. It cannot bring you comfort or reach out a helping hand. So when you ask God for a gift, be thankful if sends not diamonds, pearls, or riches but the love of real, true friends."

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#214

Post by fy20 »

adi_kurian wrote: post #213
kawfey wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I notice this too. I've made a new year resolution in 2024 to be much more outgoing with my friends and coworkers, and to go to more concerts. My wife isn't a concert person, and I don't have many local friends. But still, I always buy two tickets and, to the friends and colleagues I will offer the other ticket, usually in conversation or at random, usually months in advance, and usually at no cost just because I jus…

I think one of the mentally healthier decisions I ever made was to realize that many of the friends I have, if I stopped reaching out to them, the relationships may cease to exist. And then quietly reframe them in my mind as good acquaintances. You may be quite the extrovert like myself. My partner is an introvert and deeply struggles to reach out to people that she really wants to reach out to and keep in touch with…

I've experienced the same thing, I thought it was just people didn't like me but maybe there is something else here. If I see people regularly (e.g. at the office) I can make good friendships with them and we get along well, but other than that I am the one that needs to put in the effort to arrange something if I want to see someone. Maybe 1/20 times I am the one who is invited, otherwise it's me who needs to do it.

Another thread said how things changed at lot in the 10s which echos my experience. When I first started working professionally I'd go out with my colleagues every week at least once after work. The rest of the 10s I was mostly working remotely, but recently I've been in the office more. Since COVID it seems that socialising has just gone down hill, even just getting people to go for lunch together is hard now... At work if a person leaves who I had a good friendship with, there's a good chance I'm never going to see them again.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#215

Post by praptak »

gosub100 wrote: post #204
praptak wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even the purely materialistic improvements have negative externalities which the rich western countries could mostly ignore but cannot anymore. I'm obviously talking the climate catastrophe plus the huge bunch of political problems.

Negative externalities like having jobs and higher quality of life?

Like producing enough carbon dioxide to change the climate.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#216

Post by fy20 »

sizzle wrote: post #199
revx wrote: post #5

The article mostly blames pornography and digital addiction, but I think those are symptoms of a larger problem, which is lack of belonging and community. If life sucks, you have few friends you can afford the time or money to see, and you work to make other people rich until you are exhausted, when do you have time and energy to maintain a relationship? If you feel like the world is on fire, it's hard to get in the…

What about hookup culture and apps like Tinder, how do you factor that into your analysis? Also dating apps are connecting people which lead to intimacy. I wonder what the demographics reveal and if it’s only a subset of the population using these.

Sex doesn't equal intimacy, at least in the way people really want. Modern dating apps turn sex into a transaction, a one night stand on tap.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#217

Post by platevoltage »

cush wrote: post #78
chongli wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The decline of community is a very big deal. I think a lot of it has to do with the way we build our living spaces. Modern North American cities are rife with car-centric suburbs, huge driveways, front doors set back a mile from the sidewalk, long commutes to anywhere (not just work, even to get groceries). We're living in these metal-and-glass boxes and we only see other people as obstacles in the way of what we wan…

All good points. Work from home isn’t helping us any either. People typically meet their partners at work.

Most of my working life I've worked with grizzled old dudes. I think thats the case for a lot of other men too.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#218

Post by platevoltage »

hiatus wrote: post #41
f-securus wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Roe V Wade reversal and the extent they rolled back women’s rights has certainly changed the atmosphere.

The reversal of Roe v Wade has changed people's sex drives?

I would imagine it has for a certain portion of the population with a certain organ that is the subject of legislation.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#219

Post by platevoltage »

fy20 wrote: post #216
sizzle wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What about hookup culture and apps like Tinder, how do you factor that into your analysis? Also dating apps are connecting people which lead to intimacy. I wonder what the demographics reveal and if it’s only a subset of the population using these.

Sex doesn't equal intimacy, at least in the way people really want. Modern dating apps turn sex into a transaction, a one night stand on tap.

I've had several meaningful relationships that were the results of dating apps, including my current 8-year one. And that one was from one of the "modern" apps you speak of.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#220

Post by platevoltage »

margalabargala wrote: post #106
AnimalMuppet wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hmm. Off topic, but I wonder if the reason for your second paragraph isn't your first paragraph. Sex and alcohol both are often escapes, and if you don't have time and energy for one, why would you have time and energy (and money) for the other? Back on topic: You mention "people who aren't putting in any emotional labor to learning and growing as a person". But, from your first paragraph, who's got time and energy f…

> Women's equality has made women who didn't need to depend on a man. As a result, they got a lot choosier about what downsides, flaws, and baggage they were willing to put up with. This would track with how a lot of dating apps, etc are described as "the top 70% of women competing for the top 30% of men"

And I can speak with confidence that we men as whole, are not doing too hot.
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