Having contracted around Europe for 20 years, my friends are scattered. There are many of those places I'd be happy to settle down in, but my upcoming move is based primarily on the changing climate. The area I am living in now is already changing, and the climate change models dont bode well for this area. Anyway, the contractor lifestyle has taught me there are new friends waiting to be found wherever I live, even if my next new friend is the 200 year old oak tree next to a stream deep in the forest.
Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
211–220 of 517 posts
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#212Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…
In Anglo cultures kids aren't usually moving away from home until they are at least ~18 years old. This is not a factor in teenagers feeling isolated. Suburbia and the decline of third places probably play a far greater role in this demographic.
It's a common trope on here to lament on how the Anglo cultures don't value family ties strongly enough. I'd argue not overly valuing family ties has been a big competitive advantage of the Anglo cultures for centuries, eg. moving for opportunity (improved social mobility), ability to connect with outsiders, couple pairing across cultural/geographical boundaries, prerequisite to a high trust society, etc.
What really needs to happen is we need to figure out ways of facilitating friend formation/maintenance in this brave new world of the internet and atheism. We are going to need some new social technologies to really combat this.
One interesting recent social technology out of china https://www.scmp.com/news/people-culture/china-personalities...
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#213Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…
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Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#214Having contracted around Europe for 20 years, my friends are scattered. There are many of those places I'd be happy to settle down in, but my upcoming move is based primarily on the changing climate. The area I am living in now is already changing, and the climate change models dont bode well for this area. Anyway, the contractor lifestyle has taught me there are new friends waiting to be found wherever I live, even…
Difficult to foresee which way will it tip, on short-term it will be hotter for sure but if (big IF) medium-term the AMOC slows down or stops, it will be much colder.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#215Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…
From an American's perspective, given how much Latin American migrant inflow we have, it'd be easy for us to say the same about Latin American cultures and not imagining how we could leave everything behind. Perhaps people's choices don't always reflect their desires and instead reflect the economic realities around them. "Getting out" is viewed as success where I was from because "staying behind" meant a worse life for those who didn't come from wealth.
Reminds me of all these older Americans talking about how "people don't want kids these days" when polling shows younger folks want just as many kids as their own parents but can't afford them.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#216Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Alain Bertaud, the urbanist, recently said, “the big contribution of cities is randomness.” And he continues: “You don't know what to expect. You don't know who you will meet. And, it's precisely because you meet people who are different from you, who have different ideas. Sometime even it could be obnoxious people. I think obnoxious people — I mean, what I consider obnoxious — are necessary in order to stimulate.”…
Same when I lived in Paris for me, I feel more of that randomness in encounters the parent commenter talks about in my small rural (albeit touristic) town.
You're saying the average person from the XVIth and XXth district are the same? The VIIth and the XIIIth?
From what I've seen from these large cities, the only reason people think that is that they remain in their small subset, which is large enough for them not to notice the rest.
If you're so inclined, sure, your small rural town is too small to have more than one community, and so there will be a little bit of social diversity. But if you live in a large city and are willing or need to go out of your in-group, the diversity is much larger.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#217This feels weird af to me ... there's a place for highschool friends and I cherish and miss some of them. But there's also a place for striving forward into a world and meeting and learning with new people.
Personally, family and the closest of close (family) friends are the constant. Beyond that, it feels like retreat into mundanity ... like Facebook.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#218Earlier quoted context omitted.
why does renting force you to move? how does owning a home allow you to stay if other considerations may force you to sell the house and buy another one? my mother lives in a rental apartment that my family has been in since 150 years ago.
> my mother lives in a rental apartment that my family has been in since 150 years ago. Wouldn’t it have been better to just buy property in that area? 150 years ago was 1874 - that’s many an economic cycle and the homesteading act was still a thing then. I find it hard to believe that renting was the best play here. Unless (cost of house/cost of annual rent) was always 16+, then maybe.
it's close to the center of the city. the only properties were large buildings with multiple apartments. so no. it would not only not have been better, it would simply not have been possible without moving out of the city, if it was possible at all.
which i think it wasn't because in the 19th and early 20th century all property was owned by aristocratic families. and you either had property to begin with or you never could get any unless someone with property gave some of theirs to you for some reason. then came the world wars and by the time buying property became possible it probably wasn't affordable by many.
i also seem to remember that rent was very low for a long time. though it raised quite a bit in recent decades.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#219I go back and forth on this. I still keep in touch with a bunch of high school and college friends. For better or worse those guys know "the real me" and the history and relationships are impossible to replace. They all still live close together but I live far away - I only see them once or twice a year, if that (less right now because we're all in the "very young kids" stage). I miss them. On the other hand, when I…
> What's to be done?
Write them the occasional birthday card, say hi when you're back in town and otherwise just go on with your life.
Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?
#220Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…
I’m from latin america. The world is a vast, beautiful place with stunning, clean cities full of opportunity and serendipity. Either I can explore the world and live in these places, or go back to my dangerous, dirty city to spend the rest of my life there because family lives there. Sometimes it isn’t worth the tradeoff
“Though the roads may wind far and wide,
And cities gleam with promises bright,
The heart will always turn to the soil,
Where the roots of our ancestors lie.
No matter how distant the dream may be,
Home will call, and there we shall be.”
– Mariana Ruiz del Valle