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What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

nytimes.com

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Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#211

Post by AndrewKemendo »

AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: post #64
spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

I, for one, can count the number of times that talking to someone has helped my depression on 0 hands. That includes professionals. I don't know how other people who've suffered depression most of their lives feel, but I can't stand this advice. It reeks of being the lowest effort possible by someone who has no understanding whatsoever of what they're talking about and prefers to just parrot something that sounds goo…

I, for one, can count the number of times that talking to someone has helped my depression on 0 hands. That includes professionals.

Yea I'm in agreement with this. No direct effort to "help" has been useful at all.

You know what would be helpful, is if people actually started being honest about how not together their own lives are. Forget depression, I just want the average person to actively acknowledge and vocalize that they don't have all the answers and haven't figured things out.

One of the biggest sources of anxiety for me is looking around and seeing all the people who "have their shit together" and thinking that I'm the only one over here drowning. Yet when you talk with them one on one, it's pretty clear they don't have any better handle on things than anyone else.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#212

Post by phkahler »

oceanghost wrote: post #185
phkahler wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes the pain is a secret even from the person harboring it. IMO this is the basis for some PDs.

I never really believed in Freudian stuff until my first wife. Her subconscious was a monster.

That's part of the stigma. Some of the concepts and models sound goofy (crazy) to those who haven't experienced it. Freud though... I'm not impressed with him in the slightest.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#213

Post by rectang »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #183
rectang wrote: post #105

I'm uncomfortable with the idea that someone who is in agony must be kept alive at all costs.

I am too. I have an incurable medical condition. I am pro right to die. But there is a third option and that is you work on finding ways to improve quality of life. That's what I do for myself. I suspect a lot of depression is biologically based and it should be treated first as a medical condition, not a mental health issue. A very large portion of my mental health stuff is a side effect of medical stuff. I don't kn…

I wish you every success in your search and a high quality of life. May you forget your challenges when you want to and recognize them when you want to.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#214

Post by astura »

delbel wrote: post #176
astura wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

KJV? Has self-directed CBT actually been studied?

Yes, most of the books start off listing the studies and the results. I seem to remember the best seller one, Feeling Good, actually goes into the history and discovery, including the actual tests and results incrementally, although I don't have my copy immediately available. When I say scientifically proven, I mean it. If it doesn't work, the researchers would honestly like to learn about your situation and why it d…

You didn't answer the question. Were these studies done on people who were self directed? "here's the book, have fun, we'll follow up in a year."

As far as I understand most people receiving CBT who have been studied have received it in a professional setting with weekly meetings.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#215

Post by su30mki117 »

mikec3010 wrote: post #84

This is the quintessential video for understanding clinical depression. A Stanford lecture given by Dr Sapolsky: https://youtu.be/NOAgplgTxfc I highly recommend watching it to better understand the disease.

That's a great video, but I think it's from 2011. I recently came across another video from 2016 which is a bit more technical and sheds some light on the results of recent research. People interested should definitely give it a watch - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZbunmaU-60

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#216

Post by lazyant »

danschumann wrote: post #60

One thing that helped me was seeing depressed thoughts as transient entities, not belonging to me, but just passing through my mind once and a while. It's like a weird dream. If you have a weird dream, you don't think, "oh I'm weird", you think, "that was a weird dream". It's the same with depressed thoughts: if you see them as "oh that's a depressing thought", rather than, "I'm depressing", then it's easier for thos…

Somehow related, when you have a problem or a decision to make, thinking about you in the third person apparently helps.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#217

Post by [deleted] »

mmt wrote: post #186
rectang wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> nothing but pain That's an impossible threshold, so it's meaningless and you haven't conceded anything. This is like the abortion debate. There's no common ground.

That's both an uncharitable reading and out of context. Like the original commenter, I'm feeling free to take some liberties with my language. However, to clarify, the threshold I was suggesting was of severe, unrelenting pain, as I alluded to in my previous comment. That's hardly impossible. > like the abortion debate This reference unnecessarily draw contentiousness into the discussion, contrary to the guidelines.…

[deleted]

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#218

Post by [deleted] »

mmt wrote: post #186
rectang wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> nothing but pain That's an impossible threshold, so it's meaningless and you haven't conceded anything. This is like the abortion debate. There's no common ground.

That's both an uncharitable reading and out of context. Like the original commenter, I'm feeling free to take some liberties with my language. However, to clarify, the threshold I was suggesting was of severe, unrelenting pain, as I alluded to in my previous comment. That's hardly impossible. > like the abortion debate This reference unnecessarily draw contentiousness into the discussion, contrary to the guidelines.…

[deleted]

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#219

Post by delbel »

astura wrote: post #214
delbel wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, most of the books start off listing the studies and the results. I seem to remember the best seller one, Feeling Good, actually goes into the history and discovery, including the actual tests and results incrementally, although I don't have my copy immediately available. When I say scientifically proven, I mean it. If it doesn't work, the researchers would honestly like to learn about your situation and why it d…

You didn't answer the question. Were these studies done on people who were self directed? "here's the book, have fun, we'll follow up in a year." As far as I understand most people receiving CBT who have been studied have received it in a professional setting with weekly meetings.

Yes, I did. CBT is done self directed. In a professional setting with somebody is possible, but it is more like giving you homework. I have never been to a group or "professional" In the studies (I believe to be in Feeling Good but it could have been in a dozen other books I read) they split up groups an gave CBT training to one and the other one was a control. However, getting to that study there were a series of other studies of ideas (which had to be changed because of the results) that lead up to CBT. I seem to remember the author talking about going to conferences and how they changed their ideas as they broke down what the models.

Then yes, there was actually a study of the book Feeling Good (kind of meta), and told to read it with a checkup every 6 weeks just like you guessed it in the quote. There are other CBT books that are smaller and to the point, more tactical approach to learning the methods (I think one is called Learning CBT) of Feeling Good. The second half of Feeling Good goes into drugs, which at the time was written no long term studies had been done or possible. From my personal research, these drugs do not work and cause more damage then good. I have found that through suffering and depression, and then working my way out of it, I believe I am better off then just taking a drug. I feel they are supressing some kind of natural force that is needed to build character, but for some people they are needed as a "backstop" to get out of a hole. On another note, depression has grown several folds since the introduction of antidepressants. I do not even consider that there is actually a thing as a drug that can do what they claim, but that's my personal belief.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#220

Post by beegeezuz »

Depression is like a powerful spell, no matter what you do you know you can't beat it until it's done doing its thing.

Best thing you can possibly do is give them direction. Tell them what to do, keep them occupied all the time! I get serious depression once or twice a year and even though I know what's going on I have no control over it and I'm always afraid I might do something radical which I might regret later.

Unfortunately I live alone, but I wish I had someone to take control of me during those phases of depression. Someone to keep telling me what to do and keep a tab on me making sure I do all those things until I get well again.

Don't be sympathetic, be a guide.

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