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The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

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Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#201

Post by ccorcos »

chongli wrote: post #52
revx wrote: post #5

The article mostly blames pornography and digital addiction, but I think those are symptoms of a larger problem, which is lack of belonging and community. If life sucks, you have few friends you can afford the time or money to see, and you work to make other people rich until you are exhausted, when do you have time and energy to maintain a relationship? If you feel like the world is on fire, it's hard to get in the…

The decline of community is a very big deal. I think a lot of it has to do with the way we build our living spaces. Modern North American cities are rife with car-centric suburbs, huge driveways, front doors set back a mile from the sidewalk, long commutes to anywhere (not just work, even to get groceries). We're living in these metal-and-glass boxes and we only see other people as obstacles in the way of what we wan…

I think cars and urban design are too often used as a scapegoat.

Whether living in an apartment building in a city or a house in the suburbs, I’m frequently surprised how many people never introduce themselves to their neighbors. And that has nothing to do with cars.

People want some external system to construct a social environment for them and often blame everything but themselves when they could easily arrange a neighborhood get together by passing out some flyers…

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#202

Post by Gibbon1 »

sizzle wrote: post #199
revx wrote: post #5

The article mostly blames pornography and digital addiction, but I think those are symptoms of a larger problem, which is lack of belonging and community. If life sucks, you have few friends you can afford the time or money to see, and you work to make other people rich until you are exhausted, when do you have time and energy to maintain a relationship? If you feel like the world is on fire, it's hard to get in the…

What about hookup culture and apps like Tinder, how do you factor that into your analysis? Also dating apps are connecting people which lead to intimacy. I wonder what the demographics reveal and if it’s only a subset of the population using these.

My opinion of those is what I think of as the seal out of water effect. You wouldn't think a seal as a powerful and graceful animal if you only saw them out of the water. Most people on dating apps are like seals out of water.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#203

Post by rkomorn »

Gibbon1 wrote: post #202
sizzle wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What about hookup culture and apps like Tinder, how do you factor that into your analysis? Also dating apps are connecting people which lead to intimacy. I wonder what the demographics reveal and if it’s only a subset of the population using these.

My opinion of those is what I think of as the seal out of water effect. You wouldn't think a seal as a powerful and graceful animal if you only saw them out of the water. Most people on dating apps are like seals out of water.

What's the app for dating seals in water?

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#204

Post by gosub100 »

praptak wrote: post #28
nathan_compton wrote: post #7

You gotta love a society which persistently makes the world a worse and worse place and then complains when people don't want to have sex or have kids. I'm not one of those weirdos who can't see that materially in some superficial ways, our lives are better than ever: medicine, toys, entertainment, and a lot of other stuff, better than ever. Not only that, I can even acknowledge that capitalism is what has provided t…

Even the purely materialistic improvements have negative externalities which the rich western countries could mostly ignore but cannot anymore. I'm obviously talking the climate catastrophe plus the huge bunch of political problems.

Negative externalities like having jobs and higher quality of life?

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#205

Post by gosub100 »

jayceedenton wrote: post #39

It's not really surprising. Hetero sexual desire has been framed negatively for well over a decade, as at best exploitative and at worst misogynistic and perverted. Men told that if you want sex you're part of society's biggest problem, and women told that if you give in to a man's sordid desires you are being taken advantage of and subjugated. All we ever talk about is the dreaded 'power imbalance'. We've removed se…

[flagged]

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#206

Post by msgodel »

f-securus wrote: post #17
ancillary wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Americans: why isn't anyone having sex anymore?? Also Americans: Abstinence only! You'll get pregnant! No abortions! STDs will kill you! Men deserve sex! We're not going to teach you how your body works! None of that is new in America. If anything, I'd expect that these forces were stronger 20-30 years ago, when sexual activity rates were higher.

Roe V Wade reversal and the extent they rolled back women’s rights has certainly changed the atmosphere.

That's very recent while this started quite a while ago.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#207

Post by msgodel »

rkomorn wrote: post #203
Gibbon1 wrote: post #202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My opinion of those is what I think of as the seal out of water effect. You wouldn't think a seal as a powerful and graceful animal if you only saw them out of the water. Most people on dating apps are like seals out of water.

What's the app for dating seals in water?

Slowly building up context with people like coworkers and classmates over years.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#208

Post by nickthegreek »

hereme888 wrote: post #200
nickthegreek wrote: post #196

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I know many licensed and experienced therapists who would agree with me… Name them please. I am unable to read up or understand this ideology from a professional otherwise.

I will not name them, to protect their careers from possible harassment. It's not a small number though.

Then i’d like to inform you that I know the same number that you know plus one that think otherwise. You use these professionals in your comment to highlight how mainstreams your views are but will not provide any information. I stated I was open to researching this train of thought more, but you are not interested in helping people understand your point of view. Surely there is a site on the internet that shares your worldview. Please share a name of a community that you feel consists of users that are aligned with your believe structure.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#209

Post by chongli »

ccorcos wrote: post #201
chongli wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The decline of community is a very big deal. I think a lot of it has to do with the way we build our living spaces. Modern North American cities are rife with car-centric suburbs, huge driveways, front doors set back a mile from the sidewalk, long commutes to anywhere (not just work, even to get groceries). We're living in these metal-and-glass boxes and we only see other people as obstacles in the way of what we wan…

I think cars and urban design are too often used as a scapegoat. Whether living in an apartment building in a city or a house in the suburbs, I’m frequently surprised how many people never introduce themselves to their neighbors. And that has nothing to do with cars. People want some external system to construct a social environment for them and often blame everything but themselves when they could easily arrange a n…

People want some external system to construct a social environment for them and often blame everything but themselves

I think this dependence on external systems, on governments, is another symptom of the problem. When people belong to a community they don't have that expectation, they are participants. Look to the Amish, for example, and their famous barn-raisings. They don't depend on government relief or insurance policies. Everyone contributes to building a new barn when someone in the community needs one.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#210

Post by kawfey »

andrewrn wrote: post #63

This is very much upstream of sex. I just started a masters program this week, and on Friday night at 8 pm, zero out of 52 of my cohort members wanted to join me for a beer. It's anecdotal, but seemed really remarkable to me. So it's not just sex, young people don't socialize in-person nearly as much as they used to. I have no idea how this will be addressed, if it does ever get addressed.

I notice this too.

I've made a new year resolution in 2024 to be much more outgoing with my friends and coworkers, and to go to more concerts. My wife isn't a concert person, and I don't have many local friends. But still, I always buy two tickets and, to the friends and colleagues I will offer the other ticket, usually in conversation or at random, usually months in advance, and usually at no cost just because I just really like having friends -- who doesn't?

Of the 6 shows since then, 4 people accepted to go with me, but all of them ended up cancelling. One friend tapped in at the last second just because he was a local student with nothing better to do on friday night. So I've been to a lot of concerts alone, which kinda sucks. Everyone else is there with some companion, but I'm kinda extraverted so made a few acquaintances.

I also planned a fishing trip with another -- free airfare (companion pass) and lodging (family condo) for them -- and cancelled about 2 weeks prior to it.

I also realized i'm the manufacturer of my friendships -- I am the one who asks friends out for lunch, brunch, hikes, beers, coffee, picnics, game night, etc. I'm the conversation starter. I send the plurality of reels. I'm reminded of my friends on a daily basis from random happenings, that spur me to get a gift, or send a news article, or just a pic or text, or to form a plan for a birthday party or fishing trip or cross-country flight or anything.

They'd often accept the small stuff, and things were good. But I backed away during my recent paternity leave, and they basically disappeared. I still send and receive some how are you's, but it made me realize how lopsided my relationships became.

I kinda burnt out manufacturing my relationships (also after learning about that term), so I stopped, and for the last 3 months I've been essentially devoid of friendship (except for one person who ).

Started to make me think I smell or something, but reading of the male loneliness epidemic and an overall dissolution of community is making me realize the only thing I'm doing wrong is not continuing to manufacture my friendships like I was before.

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