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In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

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Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#201

Post by tacitusarc »

taurath wrote: post #159
tacitusarc wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this characterization implies a dichotomy that bothers me. Work is certainly not my top priority, but I spend a ton of my time on my job, and I would like to feel fulfilled and happy doing it. Have capable colleagues that you can trust to pull their weight is a big part of that. In general, I’ve found that the clock-in, clock-out types seem to take their mediocrity as almost a badge of honor, with this feelin…

I think your statements belie a sense of honor in both trying to find enjoyment and in developing master with what you do. But I also don't think the underlying dichotomy is the how the GP phrased their characterization of others as "bad" and "making it someone elses problem". That implies not only a value judgement dichotomy but also an added heap of shame of the morality on those on the wrong side of that value jud…

I think there is a nuanced but discernible difference between people who are talented and time constrained, and those who are mediocre/lazy/disinterested.

I used to think the incentive structure was a dominant factor, but my opinion on that has shifted over the past ten years. I think companies need to incentivize capable employees to stay, because they will often have many other opportunities elsewhere. But in most cases I don’t think those incentives cause people to work harder or more effectively than they would otherwise.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#202

Post by motorest »

baketnk wrote: post #92
motorest wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The stress comes from people who are bad at what they do and are trying to make it someone else's problem. There's some irony in the way you try to pin the blame on a third-party, and while trying to denigrate it too. I think it warrants some soul searching. I mean, would you feel stressed if you had to endure a team member who threw blanket accusations at your competence and in the process blamed you for causing g…

you have no idea how luxury this belief is. having been the guy fixing the third party's bugs at almost every position, i side with the parent.

> you have no idea how luxury this belief is.

I know very well what working with non-10x engineers is.

I also know ver well that performance is a management and HR issue, not an engineering issue.

Your job as a competent engineer is to make your team work. Your responsibility is to help out fellow team members whenever they need to be unblocked, and create a healthy, accepting, tolerant work environment. Your job is to be trustable, not make others hate their job, and not be the toxic asshole who makes everyone miserable and drives others away from your team. Because otherwise it is you who create high-stress work environments, and burn out people.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#203

Post by jajko »

alphazard wrote: post #57

In software, often the people are the source of stress. Building the software is easy to many in this industry, and the vast majority of the value produced came from someone who thought creating it was easy. Being surrounded by rock stars all doing something they find easy is sublime, and I encourage everyone to seek out those environments. They exist and are fleeting. The stress comes from people who are bad at what…

Well, while certainly true, this is max few % of stressful reality. In fact, basically none of the workstress in my past 15 years was caused by this.

I had this mindset when much, much more junior but these times... not so much. Maybe in purely startup small shop env, but thats not where most of us get work done.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#205

Post by tasuki »

CGMthrowaway wrote: post #60
jon-wood wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think there's a degree to which this is true, I wouldn't walk into an interview and immediately start slagging off my old employer, but if you're interviewing me and get all worked up when I say bad things about them in answer to the question "why are you leaving your current job" that's on you and I won't regret not getting the job.

That's your choice. It's not a bad idea to answer "why are you leaving your current job" with "i'm looking for greater opportunities to [the opposite of why you are leaving your job]" and people can read between the lines AND have less of the concerns they would if you went guns blazing on the bridges behind you

Are you suggesting lying? I'd rather say the truth. I'm sure you'll be more successful at getting the job.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#206

Post by Magmalgebra »

franktankbank wrote: post #155
eloisius wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Exactly. It sounds like this test is working as expected based on the comments here. "Honest" might mean telling your coworker that their code sucks and you could do it better if they would just get out of your way. Tactful and positive would be saying they're off to a good start but here's some feedback. If someone can't describe their current or previous job in somewhat positive terms, I don't expect they'll be abl…

Imagine if any other field operated this way, holy shit, how does tech only get away with this toxic shit? Good try their Joe, you only nicked the artery a little bit! Umm nope thats not how we cut the lumber Bill, don't worry though the rafters are invisible under the roof!

This isn't a "tech" thing, it's a "professional managerial class" thing.

This same tests is applied in banking, finance, consulting, sales, or any number of other highly renumerative white collar professions. The farther up the ladder you go the more important it becomes.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#207

Post by jimkleiber »

nuancebydefault wrote: post #165
jimkleiber wrote: post #138

I try to apply this advice to almost all relationships. It reminds me of the famous quote, "Be nice to everyone you meet because they are fighting a battle you know nothing about, and that I can say from experience." [0] I see life as emotional combat, that I'm always dealing with so many conflicting conflicts at the same time that I'm trying my best to manage everything and so is everyone else. It has been helping m…

Could you elaborate what you get out of that quote? I consider myself reasonably kind to people in general, but if people treat me badly I tend to take it personal.

It's less out of the quote and more from just the phrase "emotional combat."

I as well take things personally, aka, I feel attacked and pull away, shrinking into my experience and actively not wanting to imagine what someone else is going through.

When I focus on emotional combat, I can start to see how I'm not just experiencing this one specific conflict but am getting hit from multiple angles: financial, physical, social, familial, etc.

And then it almost makes me see that the other person is going through this combat as well, whether I want to see it or not.

So in short it can help me broaden my perspective on the conflicts I'm experiencing, which then can almost trick me into broadening it for the other person, and I can feel myself expand.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#209

Post by Aziell »

This reminds me of my time in a high-pressure work environment. Every day felt like walking on a ticking time bomb, just waiting for something to explode.

Over time, I realized that excessive stress and anxiety weren’t solving anything. In fact, they were making relationships with my colleagues tense. So, I started trying to slow down, giving myself and others some space, and holding onto those connections that I might need in the future.

Because no matter how important work is, relationships will always be the most valuable asset.

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