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In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

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Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#81

Post by dakiol »

BartSpaans wrote: post #7

Relationships are always the most important thing in every line of work, and are often valued more than how good you are at your job. - Want a promotion? I hope your manager likes you - Need collaboration from colleagues? Better not be a dick to them - Want to look for new opportunities? Better have a network We are social beasts at the end of the day.

I guess it depends. I'm not really good at relationships, but I can be a very normal guy in almost every scenario. So, I'm not like asking my manager what did he do during the weekend (but if he talks about it, I listen and follow the discussion), nevertheless he's a professional and if I do my job the way they like it, I'll get a promotion (if I don't, then I need to switch to another company). Similarly, I'm not friend of my work colleagues, but I'm definitely not a dick. It's easy to not be a dick; it's not easy to be "friendly". I don't have a work network at all. The people I have worked with in the past are Linkedin connections now (I do have the phone number of a couple of people, though), but I have never relied on them to get a job (among other things, because they live in different cities, countries and continents).

So, many of us are doing just good by being really really minimal social beasts. I think the key is to not being a dick, but that doesn't require being a social person in my experience.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#82

Post by ahmeneeroe-v2 »

jon-wood wrote: post #38
cj wrote: post #3

Similarly, once you’re looking for a new job, assuming you’re looking for roles with the same job title you had before, do everything you can to paint your previous job in a positive light even if it was miserable. If you don’t, interviewers are left wondering how to interpret your dissatisfaction at your previous job.

I think there's a degree to which this is true, I wouldn't walk into an interview and immediately start slagging off my old employer, but if you're interviewing me and get all worked up when I say bad things about them in answer to the question "why are you leaving your current job" that's on you and I won't regret not getting the job.

This is the part of the interview where they seeking to understand your maturity and discretion. The actual reason for leaving is not the right answer. An answer showing that you understand social norms and have great self restraint is the right answer.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#83

Post by bubbleRefuge »

alphazard wrote: post #57

In software, often the people are the source of stress. Building the software is easy to many in this industry, and the vast majority of the value produced came from someone who thought creating it was easy. Being surrounded by rock stars all doing something they find easy is sublime, and I encourage everyone to seek out those environments. They exist and are fleeting. The stress comes from people who are bad at what…

a tech mentor once told me what makes a developer great is not how good or talented he is but how good he makes those around him be.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#84

Post by [deleted] »

fads_go wrote: post #79
alphazard wrote: post #57

In software, often the people are the source of stress. Building the software is easy to many in this industry, and the vast majority of the value produced came from someone who thought creating it was easy. Being surrounded by rock stars all doing something they find easy is sublime, and I encourage everyone to seek out those environments. They exist and are fleeting. The stress comes from people who are bad at what…

> And the other is about keeping a polite distance to prevent repeated interactions. or, the other is about providing them the vision and the clear set of steps. Then checking their progress along those steps. (including revising the steps when the original plan diverges from the evolving reality). Training and mentoring the people so they can become rock stars.

[deleted]

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#86

Post by disambiguation »

mclau157 wrote: post #8

If a workplace is split into different functions, and your coworkers in your function are not great, it can be difficult or seem bothersome to try to bond with coworkers in a different function

I don't think OP is advocating for bonding necessarily so much as being on good terms with everyone, not burning bridges, etc.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#88

Post by Daisywh »

I relate to this a lot. A few years ago I was stuck in a toxic team. Every day felt like survival. I almost walked out one day after a heated meeting, but I stayed quiet, and a teammate quietly checked in with me later. That connection ended up helping me find a much better job a year later.

The job felt disposable, but that small human moment stayed with me.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#89

Post by motorest »

alphazard wrote: post #57

In software, often the people are the source of stress. Building the software is easy to many in this industry, and the vast majority of the value produced came from someone who thought creating it was easy. Being surrounded by rock stars all doing something they find easy is sublime, and I encourage everyone to seek out those environments. They exist and are fleeting. The stress comes from people who are bad at what…

> The stress comes from people who are bad at what they do and are trying to make it someone else's problem.

There's some irony in the way you try to pin the blame on a third-party, and while trying to denigrate it too. I think it warrants some soul searching. I mean, would you feel stressed if you had to endure a team member who threw blanket accusations at your competence and in the process blamed you for causing grief to other team members?

> They don't have vision for how they will accomplish what is asked of them. In their imagination, there is not a clear set of steps that can be burned down over the coming days and weeks to arrive at something of value.

There's a lot to unpack there. Only a highly disfuncional team would throw a team member to the wolves and leave them out to fend for themselves on a task that is relatively complex. No wonder people would feel stressed in that environment.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#90

Post by StopDisinfo910 »

alphazard wrote: post #57

In software, often the people are the source of stress. Building the software is easy to many in this industry, and the vast majority of the value produced came from someone who thought creating it was easy. Being surrounded by rock stars all doing something they find easy is sublime, and I encourage everyone to seek out those environments. They exist and are fleeting. The stress comes from people who are bad at what…

> The stress comes from people who are bad at what they do and are trying to make it someone else's problem.

People who are currently bad what they do have their own work struggle, go home to their issue, have their hobbies and ambitions.

I think the article strikes a very good point when it says you don't want to be remembered as that guy but I would go even further in that it's not only about your reputation. When you are that guy, you are actually making everybody life slightly worse including your own.

I think there is more value in acting and being remembered as someone who can lift up rather than as someone who is distant and self-interested. It's not that you should always be mindlessly helpful but you can be assertive, give honest feedback, help people realise when they should take responsibility and define directions without being a pushover or exploited. In my experience, that's how you make people actually want to work with you. These are obviously hard skills to develop (at least they were and still are to me) but they are how so valuable.

To go back to your conclusion, for me it's more about "How do I convince the people I want to work with to work with me?" than about cutting people. After all, you will probably be the sole constant in all the work environments you will be a part of in your life so you are the biggest factor into making them work for you.

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