All the lonely people • Hacker News Board

Re: All the lonely people

#201

Post by tacostakohashi » Sun, Jun 12, 2016, 5:53 PM UTC

I've been thinking about this a little over the past few weeks, and one thing that seems to be missing these days is communities where there is even the slightest barrier to entry.

In the old days (even 20-30 years ago), geography served that purpose, and after that, what seems to have been a golden age where vaguely like-minded people could congregate and get to know each other on amateur radio, CB radio, BBSs, usenet, IRC, etc.

It seems like these days, all we have are massive communities like facebook, meetup, etc, and although there are interest-specific groups, there just isn't any friction to keep the idiots out, and you're not much more likely to meet interesting people there than you are on the street or in a subway car.

I'd be interested to hear of anybody's experience with any modern communities that have even just a tiny barrier to entry, which serves the purpose of making them even just a little bit more efficient at allowing people to find each other and network.

Re: All the lonely people

#202

Post by _puk » Sun, Jun 12, 2016, 6:18 PM UTC

tunap wrote: post #192

tbrake wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> (Also: the American practice of baring your teeth when smiling is often received as aggression.) This is patently ridiculous.

American here, I have always found it disingenuous and a little creepy when people smile while baring all of their teeth. There is a difference from showing some when extremely happy and the practiced facade people selling something have learned to do unconsciously, notably when lower lip curls down for more dental exposure.

Brings to mind the smiling with upper and lower teeth sketch from Silicon Valley

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGSJ8b9raJs&t=16

Re: All the lonely people

#203

Post by kstenerud » Sun, Jun 12, 2016, 6:35 PM UTC

cJ0th wrote: post #173

kstenerud wrote: post #16

The more I read about this, the more weird I think I must be. I've always preferred being alone. My time in San Francisco was utter hell. I couldn't get a moment away from people and noise. Now I live in complete isolation. My nearest neighbor is two miles down a dirt road. I only go into town to stock up on foods, which I vacuum seal and stuff in the deep freeze (enough to last me 3 months at a time). I've never bee…

You frame this as a false dichotomy. Spending time with obnoxious people is not the only option you (theoretically) have besides being alone. I, too, can spend weeks/months without interacting with other people and I stay content. I can read interesting stuff till the cows come home, cultivate my linux system like other people cultivate their gardens, compose music etc. But the information that I absorb or generate m…

"Spending time with obnoxious people is not the only option you (theoretically) have besides being alone."

This has nothing to do with obnoxious people. I actually like people - in very small doses. Even the most pleasant person becomes a mental and spiritual burden after about an hour. Aloneness, on the other hand, is a beautiful thing. I can sit and contemplate. I can read the great authors. I can play my guitar. I can go on a hike in the wilderness at my doorstep (literally). I have all of human art and history at my fingertips, and now the time and space to ponder it.

Re: All the lonely people

#204

Post by tpallarino » Sun, Jun 12, 2016, 6:38 PM UTC

As one of my favorite musical groups so aptly put it "The Lonely People Are Getting Lonelier"

Re: All the lonely people

#205

Post by haseeb1431 » Sun, Jun 12, 2016, 6:41 PM UTC

flamedoge wrote: post #64

ptaipale wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And it is in many countries, but for some reason the U.S. doesn't seem to work that way. I was a bit surprised when my son spent a year in high school in the U.S. and I found out how youth football (soccer) system works there. Over here in Europe, we have a plethora of local clubs that collect the young and old to train and play, and to work together to organise everything, fund it, and so on. In the U.S. the footbal…

meetup.com seems to be alive in every city....

In my personal opinion, it's more centered around technology folks

Re: All the lonely people

#206

Post by cJ0th » Sun, Jun 12, 2016, 7:15 PM UTC

kstenerud wrote: post #203

cJ0th wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You frame this as a false dichotomy. Spending time with obnoxious people is not the only option you (theoretically) have besides being alone. I, too, can spend weeks/months without interacting with other people and I stay content. I can read interesting stuff till the cows come home, cultivate my linux system like other people cultivate their gardens, compose music etc. But the information that I absorb or generate m…

"Spending time with obnoxious people is not the only option you (theoretically) have besides being alone." This has nothing to do with obnoxious people. I actually like people - in very small doses. Even the most pleasant person becomes a mental and spiritual burden after about an hour. Aloneness, on the other hand, is a beautiful thing. I can sit and contemplate. I can read the great authors. I can play my guitar. I…

Oh I see. Must have misread your comment above. Good to hear it is working for you :)

Re: All the lonely people

#207

Post by ptaipale » Sun, Jun 12, 2016, 7:42 PM UTC

maxerickson wrote: post #176

ptaipale wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And it is in many countries, but for some reason the U.S. doesn't seem to work that way. I was a bit surprised when my son spent a year in high school in the U.S. and I found out how youth football (soccer) system works there. Over here in Europe, we have a plethora of local clubs that collect the young and old to train and play, and to work together to organise everything, fund it, and so on. In the U.S. the footbal…

I think this is partly driven by population density. In much of the US, there's only enough people for ~1 such club in a given town (and often barely that).

It could be one factor, but still, the sports action doesn't seem to be organized around clubs even in higher density areas. My country has half the population density of U.S. and still organizes around local clubs, even in the lowest density areas.

Regarding churches and other religious institutions, however, the population density doesn't matter: the U.S. has many more of them, even where population is sparse.

Re: All the lonely people

#208

Post by f_allwein » Sun, Jun 12, 2016, 10:27 PM UTC

mercer wrote: post #135

f_allwein wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In the UK, there is Sunday Assembly, a secular community that otherwise resembles church: https://www.sundayassembly.com

My experience with the Sunday Assembly in my area was that it was really nice, but a pale comparison of the church life I had experienced. I wish I knew what the missing element was, but I'm afraid a big part of it is the opt-in nature. It's like the difference between a good family and a good group of friends. The former is held together not just based on a desire to be together, but (usually) also on a sense of obl…

Good point - I've been planning to go again for a while, but never do...

Re: All the lonely people

#209

Post by mercer » Mon, Jun 13, 2016, 7:02 AM UTC

sseagull wrote: post #196

kome wrote: post #193

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if "solitude" is just a social and personal acceptable way to talk about "loneliness"? I was thinking about those people who call themselves "expats" and not "immigrants". In other way: the rich is "solo", the poor is "lonely".

I'd say it's a difference in desire, although I'm sure there's some amount of denial out there ("I'm not lonely, I'm just solitary") If you want human interaction but don't get it, that's loneliness. If you truly don't want it to begin with, that's solitude. If you don't want human interaction but get it anyway, that's hell (to an introvert, anyway).

I agree, although 'choice' does play a small role, at least in my experience. I've noticed that when the option of social connection is not available to me, I am more likely to feel lonely (with all else being equal).

Re: All the lonely people

#210

Post by elcapitan » Mon, Jun 13, 2016, 7:24 AM UTC

raverbashing wrote: post #115

elcapitan wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How is the target audience for Meetup elsewhere? I live in Berlin and I noticed that it's almost exclusively developers (which is fun, but sometimes weird - I went to a street cycling meetup and everybody else was a dev too). Maybe the dominance of German clubs in organized leisure is the reason for that.

Because meetup.com is what the expat nerds know I've given up on it though sometimes you find something "outside of the circle" It's like craigslist in Berlin: there are only scams because Americans think it works the same as in the US, when Germans have never even heard of it

That was my impression too. In particular the types of meetups seem very limited to tech topics. Some are ok, mostly those that are actually meant for non-topic specific networking, like hiking groups etc, generally sports outside of clubs.