All the lonely people

It's ruffling your feathers because you're unfamiliar with psychology. What you feel is heartless beavior is, in fact, rather predictable behavior in an urban environment.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect

I'm so angry about that issue. Long post ahead.

I remember an experience of mine. At 19, I wanted to flee my dad's home, which was in Paris's center-near suburb, because my mother in law was emotionally harassing me, she was very intolerant towards my presence at home and it was generating a great deal of anxiety in me.

Before taking off, I called my dad, and he convinced me to rent AND PAY for a small apartment 20min from home. I went to school, still the same isolated and nerdy teen. The 3rd year, as I was failing to get a degree and diving into depression, I did not look for a school program (getting registered in higher education in france is very weird), so I stayed at this small apartment, ALL EXPENSES PAID! I just let myself be abandoned. I stayed on my computer all day long, going to bed 2h later than the day before, so at some points I was getting in bed at 9am, and waking up at 17pm.

Only my grand parents came in to help me do some shopping (I never had a driving license).

During that 3rd year, the 2007 crash came in, my father sent me to my mother (who has been chronically unemployed in a small remote town) because he could not pay that rent anymore.

My mother really helped me because I had social contact with her and my sister, and it helped me a lot. I found a girlfriend, but we're fighting, and for the life of me I just can't contemplate the thought of being alone again, it terrifies me. So essentially I'm in that "friend zone", but I don't complain and we are still good friends.

My thought on loneliness ? I think modern society, with individualism, has compartmentalized personal space to such a degree that people don't have ANY opportunity to talk to people. We all have our own personal:

* washing machine * fridge * oven * kitchen * toilet * bathroom * tableware * terrace

Individualism means that compartmentalization of ownership allows for better management of resources. The REALITY, is that we don't share ANYTHING. We actually live in our own prison cell. This is fine if you have a job that implies social interaction, but for those who don't have a job, or have a job that doesn't involve social interaction, you will lose your social skills pretty quickly. And that's not a myth, that's what psychiatry says.

My cynicism tells me that despite the fact that modern democracies have a higher standard of living for all sorts of reasons, I can really envision a disintegration of that modern society if nothing gets done. I can really envision why much poorer countries can thrive and surpass wealthier countries for that reason only: because ultimately, if social atrophy increases, it doesn't predict good things...

Can you relate to the final situation? I hope not...

> Bus stops need a lot of place here

They need a lot of space :)

But that's the whole point. All those people have more in common than you realize and its knowing each other that makes people care about their neighborhoods/neighbors.

Every year there is something called National Night Out which I had never heard about before moving to Oakland. But all across the city neighborhoods block off their streets and have a big cookout in the middle of the street. Because of that we've met all of our neighbors and, at the very least, can say hello and not be "that tech dude ruining the neighborhood" or "that Latino family whose kids are always hanging around outside", etc. Instead we have some shared experience that brings us closer together even if it just means we aren't shy about saying hello.

You never know, maybe those gangbangers make a killer brisket!

This is a highly culturally dependent practice; here in the UK, saying "hello" to strangers is weird/creepy/intrusive and suggests you want something from them. (Also: the American practice of baring your teeth when smiling is often received as aggression.)

It doesn't mean they're not nice people: just that by starting an interaction trivially you've invaded their comfort zone.