When it comes to gay relationships, find some friends first. You need an in to the community, someone to invite you to the happy hour with their LGBT volunteer group or the queer short film festival. All you need is one or two people who are socially connected and get you started with gay events. You meet their friends, you go to the gay parties with them, you get familiar with the scene, and one thing leads to another from there. The odds are too slim in the world outside of gay centric events. You need to actively cultivate a gay community around you, because the tech life doesn't automatically lead to one on its own. This is doubly true if your outward presentation doesn't come off as 'gay' to other people. Making yourself visible to other gay people, even in subtle ways, makes a big difference. Take it from a straight-as-hell looking bi woman. I live in the city with the highest number of lesbian couples per capita, and I met no gay women for six months. Then, I went to one gay happy hour and met someone who told me about this lesbian tech conference, where I met a few more people, and now I hang out with gay people multiple times a week, and I have my first date since moving last year lined up for this weekend.
Search for gay events on facebook. Go gay hiking with a group from Meetup. Is there a StartOut chapter in your area? There is very probably a gay tech happy hour somewhere. Go to gay events until you feel like you're going to start barfing rainbows. Force yourself to do it. Look for gay networking on LinkedIn. Add a few people on Facebook (and check out their event feed, often there is gold in there). Make plans with two new potential friends. Once it starts going, it's easy to keep going.