I'd also add that body language of a pair talking will tell you if you are welcome to stick around and converse. If they separate slightly to accommodate your presence and address you by looking at you when they are talking, you are good to go. If they stay facing each other and do quick glances at you, they are probably having a more intimate discussion which may be hard if you are standing there listening. Body language is the key - pay attention to it.
How I Learned to Work a Room
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Re: How I Learned to Work a Room
#22I'd also add that body language of a pair talking will tell you if you are welcome to stick around and converse. If they separate slightly to accommodate your presence and address you by looking at you when they are talking, you are good to go. If they stay facing each other and do quick glances at you, they are probably having a more intimate discussion which may be hard if you are standing there listening. Body lan…
Also pay attention to shoulders. Do they slightly turn towards you? Somewhat open to meeting you. Do they turn towards you completely? Probably sick of talking to each other. Even the slightest turn away? Try another set, or be prepared to work for their attention.
The body communicates so much. Once you are aware of these cues, you can read people like crazy.
Re: How I Learned to Work a Room
#23There was a time when talking to others in a crowded room filled me with fear to the extend that words flowed out of my mouth in ways that does not make any sense even to myself. I spoke gibberish and if you had the misfortune of talking to me, you would probably find an excuse to get away. I hated the idea of going to social events. At every event, I felt that I was the stupidest person in the room and that nobody w…
I usually try to be the one asking questions. People tend to feel a better connection and more engaged when you encourage them to talk.
Sometimes, when the other person is asking the questions, I walk away from a conversation and feel disappointed I didn't get to learn more about them. If you're answering questions you often don't realize it until the conversation is over.
Re: How I Learned to Work a Room
#24When I encounter myself in these sort of situations I feel uncomfortable so I kind of empathize with the author. And it's funny because I'm working on an iPhone app which is aimed at solving these kind of situations where you want to start new conversations with strangers. It's called Joiner ( http://www.joinerapp.com ) if you want to check it out (shameless plug). However, I think I'm not only worried by how to appr…
Why does someone have to have the same interests in you? Ask them questions and find out why their interests are different. You can often learn more from a person with a different perspective. Escaping the echo chamber is hard but very rewarding.
Re: How I Learned to Work a Room
#25Everyone sucks at networking the first few times, and public speaking the first few times, and presentations the first few times. The exact technique you use to get over that initial bump is probably not as important as just trying it a few times..
As an introvert, this is wrong. Example: everyone sucks at rocket science the first few times. But maybe if I try one more time...
It actually really helps to get pointers like these. Something like "focus your efforts on groups of two" can give you a) a lifeline and b) something to look forward to rather than dreading the occasion...and having that "this may be fun" mindset can take you that much further.
I know a few introverts who just "got over it" but there are many more who can barely keep their heads above water in social situations. I've gotten a lot better over the years thanks to practice, but tips like these are gold to me.
Re: How I Learned to Work a Room
#26Thanks, I'll try that top next time. I too am not one that is good at conversing with strangers. I'm the guy that just stands there and tries to look busy. On the other hand my CEO will have talked to everyone in the room by the time the event is over, and he remembers their names and what they do. I'm always amazed.
Re: How I Learned to Work a Room
#27Thanks, I'll try that top next time. I too am not one that is good at conversing with strangers. I'm the guy that just stands there and tries to look busy. On the other hand my CEO will have talked to everyone in the room by the time the event is over, and he remembers their names and what they do. I'm always amazed.
Re: How I Learned to Work a Room
#28Everyone sucks at networking the first few times, and public speaking the first few times, and presentations the first few times. The exact technique you use to get over that initial bump is probably not as important as just trying it a few times..
As an introvert, this is wrong. Example: everyone sucks at rocket science the first few times. But maybe if I try one more time... It actually really helps to get pointers like these. Something like "focus your efforts on groups of two" can give you a) a lifeline and b) something to look forward to rather than dreading the occasion...and having that "this may be fun" mindset can take you that much further. I know a f…
Fair enough, I mean with regards to social situations, one is generally a worse performer when nervous. Fight or flight kicks in, and you start stuttering your words, stumbling and generally being a bit of an arse because your body is getting ready to leg it down the road.
Once you've done it a few times (as long as you weren't savaged by wolves) you tend to get over that initial nervousness, and everything comes more easily when you get a bit less nervous. As far as I know, being nervous while doing rocket science doesn't kill your level of success - instead, this is more likely to be based on things like the amount you've studied rocket science.
I agree that this technique could be instrumental to getting people into these situations. I'm just pointing out that anything that gets people into these situations will help.
Re: How I Learned to Work a Room
#29There was a time when talking to others in a crowded room filled me with fear to the extend that words flowed out of my mouth in ways that does not make any sense even to myself. I spoke gibberish and if you had the misfortune of talking to me, you would probably find an excuse to get away. I hated the idea of going to social events. At every event, I felt that I was the stupidest person in the room and that nobody w…
Your approach is very similar to Dale Carnegie's advice in "How To Win Friends and Influence People".[1]
By showing interest in what other people are doing instead of only telling them about yourself or espousing your opinions they are more likely to want to be around you.
1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influenc...
Re: How I Learned to Work a Room
#30I cannot believe this article managed to get to the front page on HN.
People here must be desperate to make connections ;-)
The author/reporter tried this approach once and its a really small set of experiments for such a bold claim.
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