Ask HN: Looking for advice on my situation at work?

I hate (have experience this myself) when instead of compensation for hard work, you receive fairly empty praise like "you're the best engineer we have". If I am, please pay me accordingly. This doesn't mean jumping you to principal engineer or anything, but it does mean to at least give you a raise. No raise or promotion in those three high performing years as their described best engineer seems absurd. In a lot of places, you need to vouch for yourself and maybe this is one of those places. You're the only person that's going to prioritize yourself.

I'd definitely sit down with you boss and tell him how you feel (write notes before hand) and be honest with them. Honestly, I'd start passively looking for jobs now. If things work out with your current employer, you can always still stay, but this will give you a jump start and an idea of your market worth.

I really wish you the best of luck. Worst case, I'm sure you'll be able to find another position that will compensate you appropriately.

1. Empowering others frees yourselves and build teams. Never stop empowering others. You will be more successful in the long run. If the environment is competing you against your peers, leave the environment. A good environment allows fostering good people and working conflict free with multiple good people. Empowering others is part of that.

2. When you are developed by your manager, you go through stages. First it is hands-on (1:1, training, help, guidance, ...) but later it becomes completely loose (more responsibility, punishment if you do something wrong). As a manager you end-goal is independent people which do not need hands-on 1:1 meetings. Are you in that situation maybe?

3. "Cold Shoulder from the rest of the team": Something happened what you have not figured out. Figure it out.

4. Regards the lead engineer position: Ask yourself: Does he deserve the job independent from your own pride? Do you belief that the only differencing factor is your manager's preference ... that sucks but is not necessary toxic. Friendship often translates in trust. Maybe your boss also relies on his friend on leading the team now while he does other things.

Did you raise it with your manager or his/her manager?

Just trying to understand at what forum did you raise it and how?

In any case, for your personal growth, it is helpful to understand why things have gone wrong between you and the manager (or the whole team).

One of your theories seems to be that the manager brought in a friend to boot you out. That would explain his behavior, but not that everyone else on the team is giving you the cold shoulder.

I am purely guessing at this point, and I don't want to offend you - but it is possible that you have upset the whole team. Either slowly through your behavior, or there was a meeting, or something else. This may have been fully unintentional by you, and you do not seem to be aware of it. For your next job, it'd be helpful for you to understand what has gone wrong!

Your text reads like you're not a native speaker? I'm not either ;) If you move between cultures, there may be things that are acceptable in your own culture, but not in the culture you moved to. E.g. the way to disagree or discuss things. Maybe that's the area where this misunderstanding has come from?

You could try to approach a team mate, or the manager, and ask openly about the situation. Tell them you sense something is wrong, you don't understand what you have done wrong, but you'd like to fix it.

> I am getting cold shoulder treatment from everyone else on team

But the above paints another.

Is there some reason the whole team would change in unison towards you that is related to your manager?