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Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

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Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#21

Post by rgifford »

hbn wrote: post #13
itsoktocry wrote: post #10

Thanks for sharing. > Just doing nothing sounds awesome. It's not. It's crap. Yeah, this is something people don't realize until they're it in. It's not fun. Humans long to be needed. > but I didn't have the courage to jump This is one of those things I personally have trouble wrapping my head around, but I know it happens. Kudos for getting it done.

My days at work where I'm actively engaged in a task and feel like I got something done fly by, whereas the days where I have nothing to do and I'm refreshing HN all day are not only boring but draining. Ironic that doing nothing makes you feel like you have no energy at the end of the day.

I guess it's all relative. To be honest, I would be over the moon to never "work" again. Don't wanna be needed, don't wanna have to report to anyone, don't wanna be part of a pyramid scheme earning some CEO or founder 50% of company payroll.

I could very happily set and achieve little goals for the rest of my life -- in video games, education, little creative pursuits, and hobbies -- and never once look back. Really don't care for externally set goals or validation.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#22

Post by majkinetor »

itsoktocry wrote: post #10

Thanks for sharing. > Just doing nothing sounds awesome. It's not. It's crap. Yeah, this is something people don't realize until they're it in. It's not fun. Humans long to be needed. > but I didn't have the courage to jump This is one of those things I personally have trouble wrapping my head around, but I know it happens. Kudos for getting it done.

I do not have that problem. Last time it happened to me, I started learning medicine seriously, entire day on the job. Now I am pretty good, I can handle myself and my family, and I managed to fix several chronic problems of myown and several nasty things in others. Before that, when it happened again, I was developing big framework in arcane programming language. All the things I did due to the 'not having anything to do on the job' are very valuable to me now.

However, nobody was grumpy at me at any time.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#23

Post by seti0Cha »

I also was in a bad job that I stayed at for the money, and it's interesting how you can fool yourself about it. My job was incredibly stressful, perhaps literally taking years off my life, but I told myself it was "exciting" and "challenging". When circumstances finally intervened and I moved on, I was a wreck because I had forgotten what I had gone into this industry for. It took me a couple of years to rediscover that I really like tech, I like problem solving, I like programming, I just don't like no win situations and unpleasant social dynamics. I had to relearn to see my work as play, but now that I have, everything is much better (except the money).

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#24

Post by maCDzP »

bitsofawesome wrote: post #4

Glad you got out of that situation. Burnout & depression suck. They're cycles that area easy to get stuck in and hard to get out of. When it comes to avoiding such situations in the future, therapy and personal boundaries are the tools I personally reach for, but recovery is a long journey. Don't let them drain you of the energy you need to make life worth living. As a mentor told me, "Illegitimi non carborundum".

“Illegitimi non carborundum” means roughly “Don't let the bastards grind you down”.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#25

Post by proee »

If you are in a large company and don't have a good relationship with your boss or department, one good option is to network with other people/departments in the company and find a cool project to work on. It's super easy for HR to approve internal transfers since you are already past all the new hire paperwork.

When I was an intern at a large company, I rotated through a TON of departments until I found what I liked.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#26

Post by kyleblarson »

itsoktocry wrote: post #10

Thanks for sharing. > Just doing nothing sounds awesome. It's not. It's crap. Yeah, this is something people don't realize until they're it in. It's not fun. Humans long to be needed. > but I didn't have the courage to jump This is one of those things I personally have trouble wrapping my head around, but I know it happens. Kudos for getting it done.

This makes me think of the Silicon Valley scene where the guys are just sitting on the roof "resting and vesting". "Lunch? Arby's on El Camino I'll drive. Nah let's walk it'll take longer."

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#27

Post by majkinetor »

hackan wrote: post #17

Regarding work, there's a concept called "mobbing", which basically is making someone miserable so they quit. So yes, it may happen on purpose, which is deliberately bad. Some countries have laws against it, but even then, it is not easy to prove. I just wanted to mention it, and bring it to the discussion.

In some places getting unhireing is so slow and demanding that mobing and/or ignoring is the only thing you can do. In my previous company, they were sending such people to the furtest possible organizational unit from home (allowed by law to be 50km) in hope that they will quit.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#29

Post by Negitivefrags »

Recently I’ve been experiencing the flip side of this. You don’t know how bad someone was until you get rid of them.

There are people who I feel are annoying and toxic, but I don’t get rid of them because I am afraid of the reactions of those who are left. They are talking shit about the company to others and spreading discontent and it’s easy to feel like firing the person will somehow prove them right to everyone else.

Then after actually getting rid of them, suddenly a bunch of people come out the woodwork and talk to me about how the person has been terrible for years and the how they are so relived that they are gone. I get told so many stories which make me understand that things were much worse than I even realised.

Why was nobody saying anything before! That would have given me so much confidence to get rid of them sooner!

In reality, I do understand why. Talking shit about others is exactly the behaviour that the toxic people who need to be removed are doing. Well adjusted people don’t want to do it.

But still, it proves the point. Trust your gut. Don’t let a bad situation persist based on what others will think.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#30

Post by linsomniac »

sparrish wrote: post #12

The opposite is also sometimes true. Sometimes you don't realise how GOOD something is until you leave. Regret follows both.

"Well son, the funny thing about regret is that it's better to regret something you have done than to regret something that you haven't done" -- Butthole Surfers
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