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Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

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Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#21

Post by csmeder »

vyrotek wrote: post #5

My co-founder and I are both married with small children. We were both full time developers before founding our company. We started working on a side project at night for a few months and then heard about a local Utah version of YCombinator called http://www.BoomStartup.com (We're IActionable.com). We were accepted, but there were many late night discussions with my wife as we tried to figure out a plan to survive on…

Wow, you guys have a great looking idea!

I feel like the usability mantra circa 2000-2010 was "Don't make me think" and I hope the usability mantra for the decade of 2010-2020 will be "Don't make me unsure". Using inspiration from games, I hope UI developers will make sure to give instant feed back. When a user makes a mistake the user will be informed, when a user does something correct the user will be informed.

Thus using software will be more like a fun video game rather than a frustrating experience.

I plan to write a blog post on these thoughts. Let me know if you guys have any input.

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#23

Post by ahoyhere »

No offense but, I read your list of "who will...?" and immediately thought: HELL NO, NOT ME.

That's what an assistant is for.

We hired two assistants (one on the way out) to do things like pick up things from the post office, sort out paperwork, fetch food, and naturally, learn a lot about business/our code.

And we work together!

If you love your wife/husband and want to keep that relationship happy, seems like you either have to marry a martyr... or protect those bonds by not turning your no doubt equally intelligent, equally valuable spouse into a go-fer.

Support is beautiful and all, but there are limits.

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#24

Post by ahoyhere »

enjo wrote: post #9

My wife and I have been married my entire start-up career (going on 8 years). I think she'd more or less describe it much like me having any other job. I've never worked particularly long hours. I probably carry a bit more stress than others, but that's really it (and I've gotten pretty good at managing it).

Same, we don't work particularly long hours either - though sometimes we work at weird hours, which needs to change.

If you make your business decisions right, there's no need to work particularly long hours.

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#25

Post by anguslong »

Good post. Another way to put it?

"Hitched to Someone Else's Dream" http://www.inc.com/magazine/20080901/hitched-to-someone-else...

"I got sucked into his enterprise -- our livelihood now depended on it -- and though I had little input into its direction, I stood to lose everything if it failed."

Article echoes much of what my wife has dealt with in 15 years I've been building companies.

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#26

Post by exception »

Luckily my wife and I are both developers. We've always worked together from corporations to a number of startups that we were involved in.

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for a spouse who has to put up with a significant other working in a startup... Crazy hours, the highs, the lows, lack of sleep, bad moods, wondering where cash is going to come from.

On the other hand, doing startups together has been an immensely rewarding experience. Through our shared experiences we've become closer than I could possibly have imagined. So, for us, it has all been worth it - at least emotionally.

I really feel for people who aren't able to spend enough time together, or are finding empathy for a partner hard to muster. I can hardly begin to imagine how bad it must have been for the poor EA wives - awful.

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#27

Post by nbauman »

enjo wrote: post #9

My wife and I have been married my entire start-up career (going on 8 years). I think she'd more or less describe it much like me having any other job. I've never worked particularly long hours. I probably carry a bit more stress than others, but that's really it (and I've gotten pretty good at managing it).

Thanks for commenting. I have found the same.

At the outset as an entrepreneur there was a lot of calibrating and learning what was reasonable. We have a very sane and wonderfully paced life despite me founding and working on a startup for the past three years.

Entrepreneurs have a lot to prove - to investors, to the market, to customers. Time put in does not prove anything to anyone. Especially not your spouse.

Working reasonable hours (to me) is a sign of a healthy work environment, be it a startup or large corporation. Working under conditions of extreme uncertainty to offer a new product or service doesn't necessarily mean that all those hours together are going to be lost.

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#28

Post by wglb »

narrator wrote: post #7
staunch wrote: post #2

I'm assuming you've seen this, but if you haven't: http://ea-spouse.livejournal.com/274.html

Why anyone would stay at a job like that is beyond me. 12 hour days 7 days a week? That's just stupid. Much rather program mind-numbingly boring business apps and go home at 5.

Ah, but perhaps you have never had the opportunity to be in a Reality Distortion Field. And your choice is certainly better for family life.

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#29

Post by MJ23 »

Interesting topic-I love and have worked at startups for the past few years and my soon-to-be spouse has worked at a big corp. for an equal amount of time. We both work in tech,and he is sympathetic to my crazy hours and understands why I have to work on a Saturday, midnight, and "have to answer this email right now."I think as long as you unplug and have devoted time to your personal life, everything works out. In the past, I let work dominate my life which diminished my personal life. I think I am engaged today b/c I set time aside to grow in that way. It's all about boundaries and understanding, that's been my experience.
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