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Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

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Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#1

Post by startup_spouse »

Hi everyone :)

My husband introduced me to HN a long time ago and I always enjoy the stuff you all post, but I've never commented on anything before.

I decided to start a blog about being a startup spouse and was wondering if I could get your feedback. How many of you are married (or in a relationship, startup spouse is merely a title that sounds nice because of alliteration)? Does your significant other have any funny stories or advice they'd like to share with other startup spouses?

Any feedback, constructive criticism, stories, advice, etc. from you or your startup spouse is appreciated :)

www.thestartupspouse.com

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#4

Post by mikeleeorg »

Nice idea :)

A friend once gave me this advice:

"I work all the time. Day, night, weekends, all the time. Sometimes my wife will want some time with me, just to talk. But since I’m always busy, I’m usually at my computer when we have our conversations. What she’s noticed is, I only half-listen when I’m doing that. I’m splitting my attention between her and my laptop.

"This hasn’t been good. I could tell it was affecting our marriage. So I resolved to shut the lid of my laptop whenver she wanted to speak. And I’ve been doing that. It hasn’t been easy, let me tell you. But I’ve been trying."

I'm getting married soon and have been conscious of this issue as well. I've also found Meg Cadoux Hirshberg's column in Inc. Magazine to be insightful:

http://www.inc.com/author/meg-cadoux-hirshberg

Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#5

Post by vyrotek »

My co-founder and I are both married with small children. We were both full time developers before founding our company. We started working on a side project at night for a few months and then heard about a local Utah version of YCombinator called http://www.BoomStartup.com (We're IActionable.com). We were accepted, but there were many late night discussions with my wife as we tried to figure out a plan to survive on the little investment money we would get. (compared to the nice comfortable salary I once had!)

Our wives are very supportive. It does take a special and patient person to support someone starting a company. But I do think my wife is somewhat excited to see me actually follow through and finish a project for once :)

I showed her your blog and maybe she'll comment with some experiences or thoughts sometime. She went through the list of roles you had and agreed that she plays many of those.

Good luck with the blog!

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#7

Post by narrator »

staunch wrote: post #2

I'm assuming you've seen this, but if you haven't: http://ea-spouse.livejournal.com/274.html

Why anyone would stay at a job like that is beyond me. 12 hour days 7 days a week? That's just stupid. Much rather program mind-numbingly boring business apps and go home at 5.

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#8

Post by KateKendall »

Nice first post and like how you've written it in a gender-neutral tone. It kind of depresses me as I envy people who have supporting partners, and feel as an entrepreneurial woman those attributes are harder to come by in a male partner. I know it's generalising, but most guys want to take the centre stage. Do they want to hold the home and emotional front together? Probably not. Sigh... :-)

Re: Ask HN: Do you have a startup spouse?

#9

Post by enjo »

My wife and I have been married my entire start-up career (going on 8 years). I think she'd more or less describe it much like me having any other job. I've never worked particularly long hours. I probably carry a bit more stress than others, but that's really it (and I've gotten pretty good at managing it).
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