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Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

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Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#191

Post by misuba »

mattmurdog wrote: post #172
misuba wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>If he just waited a few weeks with that second mail, we could hardly fault him for being unprofessional could we? We could fault him for being sexist - she'd have to wonder if she didn't get the job because he wanted to date her.

That's sort of the Catch-22. A guy simply can't ask a girl he likes out. A girl who's unqualified feels slighted because a guy is interested in her. What has this world come to?

It's come to a place where you don't date at work. You know, the place it's been.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#192

Post by Frondo »

jackmaney wrote: post #185
Frondo wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From what I've seen, people in that position almost never leave. It seems like for those folks, the most important thing is to be irreplacable. They like being needed, they like being a key person in the operation, more than they like money or doing a good job.

Even so, what if the obnoxious programmer gets hit by a bus? What if a critical production issue crops up just after he gets ill and takes PTO/sick leave for several days?

Oh yes, I think it's a terrible place for the business to find themselves. It just seems like getting hit by a bus is the only way they leave the organization--they'll even stay through retirement!

Anyone who wants to own some part of the business that thoroughly is a liability.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#193

Post by baddox »

mikeash wrote: post #180
baddox wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You're saying the other examples are clear because people actually do these things, but the date example isn't clear because men don't retaliate against women who refuse a request for a date? I'm not saying that men don't regularly do that. I'm saying I have absolutely zero evidence of men doing that. It might happen, but right now I am much more sure that policemen arrest people for refusing to pull over nearly 10…

Again, I'm not sure what to tell you besides yes, this happens, all the time. Maybe ask some of the women in your life how careful they have to be when turning down men who ask them out. Maybe google "fired for rejecting a date" (but beware, there's a lot of noise in the results). Women (and men) absolutely suffer retaliation in the workplace for rejecting advances.

My point is that the claim that policemen routinely arrest people who refuse to pull over is far less uncertain or controversial than the claim that male employers routinely ask women on dates and make their employment contingent on their response.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#194

Post by scott_s »

crimsonalucard wrote: post #61

If the interviewee found him attractive would this be an issue for her? I doubt it. Just say no and move on, don't do anything to aggravate the issue.

Please don't propagate the myth that women only object to inappropriate behavior from people they are not attracted to.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#195

Post by codezero »

tzs wrote: post #138

So what are the rules for contacting someone you once interviewed in order to suggest social interaction? NOTE: I said "social interaction" rather than "a date" because I'm asking about more general situations. For instance, suppose you interview someone, and (unlike the guy in this incident) are not using the interview to try to find someone to date. You stick to questions specific to the job, plus more general ques…

Although this doesn't directly address you, some of the scenarios played out in this post are pretty helpful, and you should at least be aware of them:

http://blog.ameliagreenhall.com/post/the-hand-on-the-knee-a-...

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#196

Post by crimsonalucard »

scott_s wrote: post #194
crimsonalucard wrote: post #61

If the interviewee found him attractive would this be an issue for her? I doubt it. Just say no and move on, don't do anything to aggravate the issue.

Please don't propagate the myth that women only object to inappropriate behavior from people they are not attracted to.

I'm propagating no such thing.

I'm saying the behavior would no longer be considered inappropriate if there was mutual attraction. I sincerely believe this will still be the case even if the genders are flipped.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#197

Post by mikeash »

baddox wrote: post #193
mikeash wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Again, I'm not sure what to tell you besides yes, this happens, all the time. Maybe ask some of the women in your life how careful they have to be when turning down men who ask them out. Maybe google "fired for rejecting a date" (but beware, there's a lot of noise in the results). Women (and men) absolutely suffer retaliation in the workplace for rejecting advances.

My point is that the claim that policemen routinely arrest people who refuse to pull over is far less uncertain or controversial than the claim that male employers routinely ask women on dates and make their employment contingent on their response.

I don't see anything uncertain or controversial about it. You appear to disagree, but I have a hard time seeing why. I gave you a couple of places where you might find the stuff I'm talking about.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#198

Post by mikeash »

johnnyfaehell wrote: post #184
mikeash wrote: post #179

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People keep saying that there's no power dynamic because she already got rejected. I don't get it. Interview decisions can change. People can interview for a different position at the same company. It's not as straightforward as everybody seems to want it to be. We are not talking about a culture where someone got fired for "forking" jokes. That may be the culture, but it's completely unrelated to the issue being dis…

"People keep saying that there's no power dynamic because she already got rejected. I don't get it. Interview decisions can change. People can interview for a different position at the same company. It's not as straightforward as everybody seems to want it to be." Very unlikely for a start up that'll you'll interview again for a different position. They would just offer you the other position. Also very unlikely is a…

They don't always hire for everything at once. Why is it so absurd that a startup might hire for a different position a few months down the line? And why is changing a "no" to a "yes" unlikely? Do interviewers never change their mind afterwards?

Personally, I'm not outraged because I "should be." I'm mildly annoyed at the person in question, and I'm outraged at all the people coming out of the woodwork to defend him.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#199

Post by scott_s »

crimsonalucard wrote: post #196
scott_s wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please don't propagate the myth that women only object to inappropriate behavior from people they are not attracted to.

I'm propagating no such thing. I'm saying the behavior would no longer be considered inappropriate if there was mutual attraction. I sincerely believe this will still be the case even if the genders are flipped.

And I'm saying that saying such is propagating that myth.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#200

Post by pm90 »

vinceguidry wrote: post #80
Archio wrote: post #19

What the fuck? How does this shit happen? How on earth does someone, male or female, get into such a state that they think it is appropriate to do something like this in a professional setting? Can someone explain to me how this works? I'm male in a male-dominated industry, and of course I don't give a damn what people look like and treat everyone with respect. The problem is, I don't believe a single one of my male…

> The problem is, I don't believe a single one of my male friends (or female friends) would be capable of doing something like this. I know guys who I wouldn't be surprised to see do something like this, mostly from the bar I go to. I have female friends who know lots of guys who would stoop to this. They would not necessarily believe there's a lot wrong with it, and might welcome the advance if they liked the way he…

I think you discovered your answer in your last paragraph. The question being: why did your attractive female friend accept the dinner invitation from creepy lawyer guy? Every society has certain expectations of its members, and most current societies think of marriage or relationships as being "the" natural state to be in. i.e. if you're single, you're either a "player" or a "loser", you can't just be...happily single. And from speaking to my female friends, that pressure seems even worse for them.

The result is that most people, men and women, will give a shot at anything that might lead to a relationship.

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