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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

city-journal.org

191–200 of 1001 posts

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#191

I’ve been feeling a pretty intense sort of depression and loneliness for the last month or so. The feelings of “you’re a white male and you work in tech and you are wealthy you are a SATAN” is just becoming too much :(. I volunteer a tremendous amount in education, where I’m the only male I generally even see in my field, and I constantly have to listen to my coworkers gleefully talk about how excited they are at how…

where do you live ? why are you satan because you work in tech ?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#192

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

Bringing a child into the world to increase my own personal happiness, when nothing else I could do has such a direct and massive climate impact, is not something I can justify personally. Not to mention, my child would have to live to see the impacts of climate change. There is coming a point (it has already passed, in my opinion), where we can no longer justify our purpose for existence as "creating more humans."

Aside from eradicating the human race, any changes to climate will have to be driven by humans. Someone’s child will help solve the problem. It could be your’s.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#193

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just a piece of advice: try to take a step back and listen more carefully to the complaints you're hearing. When people talk about dismantling the patriarchy, or about racial privilege, they are not actually talking about any one particular person. You are fully able to be white, male, privileged, and still be an ally to those who do not benefit as much from the power structures in our society. Instead of feeling per…

Thank you pastor, I feel this confessional has been powerfully beneficial to my moral soul. I didn't realize I had lost touch with Justice due to my lack of prayer. I will lower my head and continue my labors, as morality demands. How many "fuck white men"s does Justice require to purify myself of this black mark?

What an absurd and aggressive response to the comment you're responding to.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#194

[flagged]

"People in wealthy countries became more antiauthoritarian, more critical of traditional rules and roles, and more dedicated to individual expression and choice."

It seems like she considers it and speaks directly to it. Is it that she doesn't ultimately blame capitalism? She says that the decline of the family is closely tied with the neoliberal focus on the individual.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#195

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

Bringing a child into the world to increase my own personal happiness, when nothing else I could do has such a direct and massive climate impact, is not something I can justify personally. Not to mention, my child would have to live to see the impacts of climate change. There is coming a point (it has already passed, in my opinion), where we can no longer justify our purpose for existence as "creating more humans."

The way I see it is that you don't bring child into the world to "increase" your own personal happiness. They are (at least in my personal case) the result of my own happiness. And yes they require a lot of work, but all the hard work is totally worth it every time your children look at smile at you.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#196
post #34

[flagged]

Can't it be both? Late Stage Capitalism & Neoliberalism are responsible for the dissolution of traditional family values and other meaningful relationships?

How can 'meaningful relationships' be tacked on to that statement. Do they not exist anymore? Get a better argument. Further more, 'traditional family values' is not a well defined term and overly political. It claims that I NEED and should fit neatly into some kind of mold. Humans are individuals, a truth that traditionalist fail to internalize.

One can have a traditional loving partner, a traditional family, a traditional social circle and still be lonely.

One could feel isolated from their peer group because of happenstance and life choices leading to different economic outcomes.

One could feel isolated from their gender; no only because it is a social construct, but because the ones that represent you act like morons all the time.

One could feel isolated from a sibling because they are ill and can't afford healthcare.

One could feel isolated from themselves because they are have chronic pain or mental illness.

Blaming societal ills on one or two issues only divides further and obscures the macrocosm. If you want your 2.5 kids and a picket fence, godspeed, but don't step on others trying to find what makes them happy.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#197
There are other ways of solving the loneliness problem than economically castrating more than half the population in an attempt to return to an idealized past that never actually was. The world is different now than it was in the 1950s, and we're going to have to find different ways to get our necessary face-time, and luckily we have more tools to better take responsibility for our social health than we did even 10 years ago.

Are there anyone here outside the straight, white (or white-adjacent), male demographic who would like to return to having less economic opportunity?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#198
post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had the same situation. A non sustainable life. With her all changed. I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. When I find something good at netflix I wait until she is home and we can watch it together. When I find a nice place, I remmember it so I can show her the nice bench under that tree in my hometown. I always have flashback about the time I moved to another city without family bondings. Then…

Then when she develops more serious health or mental problems, and you have nobody to help look after your children, relationship therapy has burned through a couple therapists, and you're telling each other how lonely you each are but avoid real conversations because they inevitably lead to more loneliness, then you will again have a new perspective. Good luck.

I hope you can see the light in the world again, some day.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#199

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

I heard someone describe this as the "capstone" vs "conerstone" model. Previous generations got married and had kids much earlier, and built their lives off of that cornerstone. When it comes to me personally and my peers, we see marriage and children more as a capstone -- something to be done once our student loan is paid, or when we're ready to put a down payment on a house, when we get that promotion, etc.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#200
The article is long and I skimmed a bit.

It appears to be one of these pieces that just covers so many topics and issues, I'm not sure which ones correlate to loneliness and which ones don't.

I'll tell you one thing, and this is a personal belief: the modern way of making a living and the modern relationship to my family is far preferable to me than "the old way."

For most of human history we've had to stick with our families and build a large set of children in order to perform labor and work around high mortality rates. Usually we were all subsistence farmers or perhaps running a family business.

In no way to I prefer that lifestyle to that of modern life. Old style families tie everyone into the extended family. For better or worse you're stuck with your blood relatives and you must continue the family farm, family business, or whatever it is. Your fate is determined from the day you are born, and you must stick with these people no matter how toxic they are.

Yes, it's possible to be lonely thanks to overwork, distance (physical or emotional) from family, or a number of other factors that have some kind of connection to modern life.

But also, I most definitely don't want to live with my parents, or with my children forever. I want them to have the luxury of living around whoever they choose, not who they're born into having a relationship with.

In the past, a lot of these choices were made for us because that's what our community and family expected from us. I would not trade that aspect of familial social pressure, lack of freedom, and predetermined expectations for some (rectifiable) modern day loneliness.

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