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Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

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Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#181

Post by burner-acc-123 »

rexstjohn wrote: post #20

The bad news is it sounds like you have absolutely nothing. The good news is it sounds like you have absolutely nothing. How I would love to move to Taiwan or Vietnam for six months making my current salary and work remote right now. Or even one month. Wouldn’t it be fun to go to Europe, take a train across the continent and work on a laptop. Or an Airbnb in Barbados. Who convinced you that you have to stay in this l…

terrible advice. Travel around! be a transplant! uproot yourself again and again, continually running from your problems! distraction! the FOOD, oh god the FOOD! gimme a break lol.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#182

Post by sagarpatil »

kinnth wrote: post #67

I have often been told im good at making friends and I think you can make them anytime, anywhere, anyhow, the first thing to focus on is your personal mindset and build from there: 1. Just say yes. When someone asks for anything, say yes, no matter how big or small (help them move out, look after their dog) This will put you into novel situations. 2. Show genuine interest in things. Ask why, learn more, dig deeper, k…

I’m curious. Why not learn yoga in India(from where it originated). What does Thailand have that India doesn’t?

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#183

Post by andrewseanryan »

I recently stayed in a hostel in mexico and met a bunch of very cool people who were all open to meeting people (as travelers often are). I still rented a private room but the environment of shared amenities (even bathrooms) and the fact that everyone is a traveler tends to lead to good interactions. So… try traveling and staying at a shared place (not Airbnb or hotel).

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#184

Post by xvilka »

Most people do. They just rarely say it. Other people that you think are happier are often not, and they envy someone else, sometimes they envy you. World full of people who are envying each other, poor or rich, and neither are happy. Most of the life is boring objectively anyway, only a few moments really matter. Most of life doesn't matter, it's what you do with what you have is.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#185

Post by krater23 »

zanzibar735 wrote: post #29
zanzibar735 wrote: post #28

This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…

Further ideas for activities: - activism: go canvas for a politician you like - charity work: lots of people down at the soup kitchen, the local thrift shop, etc

[flagged]

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#186

Post by sputknick »

What about a more social software job, such as project management, or sales? Those would necessarily involve building relationships with people, and you would be branching out in your career. People who can do the less technical jobs, while having an engineering background tend to be highly valuable.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#187

Post by burner-acc-123 »

SquibblesRedux wrote: post #69

Some ideas that may or may not pan out: - Get a pet. - Volunteer for a non-profit organization. - Go to church. - Visit and talk frequently with family members. - Join an online dating service. - Talk with or visit your neighbors as frequently as feasible. - Every time you go out shopping, make a point of engaging in light conversation with people who work where you shop. - Take music lessons at a music store. Make a…

dont do these things, you dont need to just start adding crap to your schedule to make up for your loneliness. just sit with it and understand it before you pull the trigger on church or volunteering. just sit with it, understand it, be silent and contemplative.

>What you need are random collisions with other people. More random collisions means a higher probability of meeting someone you get along well with.

typical programmer mindset, turning everything into abstraction, using his spacial/math abilities to obscure the nature of the modern world, which is just a detached, technocratic hell. making complex models for problems does not get you closer to the solution on it's own

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#188

Post by WalterBright »

> dance lessons

It's true that many sign up for those lessons looking to meet people, and have no particular interest in dancing. The trick, though, is to persist until you get good at it. Your attractiveness to the other dancers will go up as you get better, and so will opportunities.

Besides, even if it doesn't work out for you, the skills you'll learn in posture, elegance, etc., will pay off for you in other activities. A woman likes a man who knows how to make her look good.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#189

Post by JSavageOne »

tayo42 wrote: post #38
tenonyx wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. I know it sounds bad, but I don't want to meet people like me. I really don't like myself right now :) I'm looking for a way out from this state, not a way to settle in. It's like you can't treat depression by hanging out with other depressed people, it'll make you worse. > Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently…

> Traveling and digital nomading is definitely on my list, the pandemic delayed the plans. Ironically, I find this to be even more isolating. One thing is right in the name, nomad, your not making and permanent or lasting friendships. Sure, you meet a lot of people but everyone is just going on their own after. Also I find travel to not be something relatable at all to most people. Most people can't do it, and get we…

> Most people can't do it, and get weird about it.

What? Definitely not my experience.

> Its very expensive or you need to luck into a certain life style.

Travel does not need to be expensive. Hostels are cheap. If you volunteer, you can even stay for free. Also many regions of the world are inexpensive.

> No one is interested in seeing travel pics or talking about places ime.

Again, not sure what kind of people you're meeting, but I haven't found that to be the case. Then again I've been traveling the last 4 years, so the type of people I meet tend to have the same interests.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#190

Post by lostcolony »

Go hiking every weekend. Somewhere that takes some planning and a bit of effort to get to.

I know you said doing things yourself is boring and depressing, and this won't fix the social aspect or give you wild and crazy fun, but it's what changed things for me, when all my usual hobbies and activities didn't. The separation it imposed from my day to day recontextualized everything; it made the job I hated bearable, it gave me purpose each week to figure out where I'd go that weekend, and a task to solve in actually making that hike happen. I felt great afterwards (exercise + accomplished something personal to me), and it started to change how I interacted with the world. It wasn't a magical fix-all, but it started the ball rolling in a bunch of different ways, changing my outlook and how I presented myself to the world, in what I invested in, and it clearly had an effect on how others saw me.

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