Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

nytimes.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

181–190 of 233 posts

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#181

Post by imcoconut »

rectang wrote: post #146
mmt wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

OK, so enduring (which includes constant/unwavering?) and untreatable. I haven't been able to find how many sufferers of depression that includes. If it's close to or actually zero, then maybe it's a strawman.

It's not zero. The numbers are pretty big: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treatment-resistant_depression... Treatment-resistance is relatively common in cases of Major Depressive Disorder. Rates of total remission following antidepressant treatment are only 50.4%. In cases of depression treated by a primary-care physician, 32% of patients partially responded to treatment and 45% did not respond at all. I'm not advocat…

Have you seen this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWWkUzkfJ4M

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#182

Post by anonfunction »

megaman22 wrote: post #165
phkahler wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>> ...but I've taken the time to prepare a set of scenarios under which I would no longer want to live, and think about what would need to be taken care of... I believe professionals would categorize what you wrote there as "planning suicide". So long as you have not started "taking care of" those things you have not begun executing your plan. Planning is a rather big step beyond contemplating - I hope you're doing b…

See, this is exactly what I am talking about. It's evaluating a set of contingencies. Like, the general staffs of armies make war plans that they will never execute, unless the particular parameters fall in place, all the time. To do otherwise would be irresponsible.

I think what is missing is what set of circumstances would trigger you to execute your plans. If it’s “world wide epidemic which causes extreme pain and suffering with less than 5% chance of survival” that is one thing. However if you are planning your suicide in case you lose your job or your significant other cheats on you then that would be concerning and reason to seek help.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#183

Post by DoreenMichele »

rectang wrote: post #105

I'm uncomfortable with the idea that someone who is in agony must be kept alive at all costs.

I am too. I have an incurable medical condition. I am pro right to die.

But there is a third option and that is you work on finding ways to improve quality of life. That's what I do for myself.

I suspect a lot of depression is biologically based and it should be treated first as a medical condition, not a mental health issue. A very large portion of my mental health stuff is a side effect of medical stuff.

I don't know how to popularize that approach.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#184

Post by fjsolwmv »

tomjakubowski wrote: post #156
Jtsummers wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I survived my deepest depression by showering and shaving every day. Then forcing myself to get dressed and go be with other people, even sitting in a coffee shop and feeling miserable, hiding it behind a smile and a book. Being home, alone, unshaven, unclean, in an unkept house made me feel worse because of all the things I saw that needed to be done, and the isolation allowing me to think about that and only that.…

Your comment rings so true for me. I have had nearly the same experience with depression, talk therapy, and ritualistic self-care. > (I still suck at cleaning the shower often enough, and I never make my bed) I stopped using the top/flat sheet, which means "making the bed" is as simple as fluffing the pillows and shaking your duvet/comforter/quilt out over the bed. The flat sheet is responsible for probably 95% of th…

You spend a third of your life in bed. Please splurge on all the comfiest sheets and blankets you can manage.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#185

Post by oceanghost »

phkahler wrote: post #167
oceanghost wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. Star Trek V! Sybok: Let us explore it together. Each man hides a secret pain. It must be exposed and reckoned with. It must be dragged from the darkness and forced into the light. Share your pain. Share your pain with me, and gain strength from the sharing.

Sometimes the pain is a secret even from the person harboring it. IMO this is the basis for some PDs.

I never really believed in Freudian stuff until my first wife. Her subconscious was a monster.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#186

Post by mmt »

rectang wrote: post #180
mmt wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's not zero. The numbers are pretty big Woah.. treatment resistance is nowhere near the same as being untreatable. It's an alarmingly huge leap to make, especially since the definition kicks in after only two anti-depressants have failed. > minimizing human suffering is worthwhile; I agree.. > then the idea of forcing someone to live a life of pain bothers me But I still take issue with the seeming over-simplicit…

> nothing but pain That's an impossible threshold, so it's meaningless and you haven't conceded anything. This is like the abortion debate. There's no common ground.

That's both an uncharitable reading and out of context. Like the original commenter, I'm feeling free to take some liberties with my language.

However, to clarify, the threshold I was suggesting was of severe, unrelenting pain, as I alluded to in my previous comment. That's hardly impossible.

> like the abortion debate

This reference unnecessarily draw contentiousness into the discussion, contrary to the guidelines.

> no common ground

Demonstrably not the case, since I agree with rectang regarding suffering in general, and, I believe, regarding the right to die with dignity in the face of unavoidable suffering. I merely disagree with the nuance (or lack thereof) as applied to the situation of depression.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#187

Post by fjsolwmv »

chris_wot wrote: post #120
RobertDeNiro wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suicide hotlines are pretty ineffective as far as suicide prevention goes.

God, they are worse than unhelpful. In Australia, if you call Lifeline from a mobile, even if you don’t disclose who you are they are will still call the police on you. This happened to me, and I specifically called to talk myself down to a third party who I believed would listen, and I would not have to deal with the consequences of not dealing with uncaring and ill-equiped authorities who will take you to a psych f…

That's awful, but the US suicide hotline doesn't do that, one of the only places that won't call the cops on someone seeking help, unless they state that they are immediately killing themselves.

https://www.reddit.com/comments/1c7ntr

If you already mid attempt, and yet you are also calling a helpline, in that case there's nearly no reason to complain if the cops come.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#188

Post by fjsolwmv »

astura wrote: post #87
viburnum wrote: post #74

Good stuff, but I've learned the hard way that most therapists have no idea what they're doing. If someone is not feeling better after 6-8 sessions, they need to get a new therapist. It's all too easy to get into a codependent relationship with a therapist that only enables the depression or anxiety to persist.

I had a therapist that once suggested taking herbs for an non-treatable medical issue and another time antibiotics for a cold. I can't believe I actually paid money to see her.

Why are you discussing a cold or antibiotics with a therapist anyway? They can't prescribe drugs.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#189

Post by rectang »

imcoconut wrote: post #181
rectang wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not zero. The numbers are pretty big: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treatment-resistant_depression... Treatment-resistance is relatively common in cases of Major Depressive Disorder. Rates of total remission following antidepressant treatment are only 50.4%. In cases of depression treated by a primary-care physician, 32% of patients partially responded to treatment and 45% did not respond at all. I'm not advocat…

Have you seen this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWWkUzkfJ4M

Ironically, had that woman lived in a country which forces people to live, the result would have been, as she put it, "a grusome and lonely death".

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#190

Post by jMyles »

phailhaus wrote: post #162
jMyles wrote: post #136

I started reading with a lot of interest, but this line caused me to close the window: > In some cases, calling 911 may be the best option. It seems so tone-deaf. More accurate is: > In cases where life is at stake, consider calling 911, but if you do, know that police will likely respond first and may not be trained to deal with a mental health crisis. In some cases, people have been brutalized or even killed after…

If only you had continued reading one more sentence! > But remember that interactions with law enforcement can vary wildly, depending on race and socio-economic background. In cases where you’re concerned that calling police could put a person in danger, try to come up with an alternate plan in advance.

Indeed you're right. I can't believe I missed that sentence, and I agree that it does a lot to address my concerns.
Post reply on HN