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Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

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Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#171

Post by red-iron-pine »

chakintosh wrote: post #97
version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

I'm in the same boat. But I usually just say I draw rectangles on a screen.

"boring IT guy stuff. how about them Jets, tho, amiright?"

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#172

Post by gitanovic »

adrianh wrote: post #29

I stopped doing this when a person here in Amsterdam bluntly responded: "You Americans! That's all you ever talk about is work!" Haven't asked anybody an open-ended "So what do you do" in the five years since, and it feels refreshing.

Instead of "So what do you do" you can always ask "So what do you like doing" ... that might give the person the chance to still talk about work if he/she/they/it/es want to :)

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#173

Post by latexr »

ModernMech wrote: post #122
latexr wrote: post #59

Aaron Swartz proposed “what have you been thinking about lately” as the smalltalk question. http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/smalltalkq

That’s a pretty invasive question to ask a stranger though. I don’t like to share my thoughts with strangers, as they are much too personal. Someone asks me what I’m thinking lately, and I immediately have to deflect or think of lies to tell in order to not have to say what I’ve been thinking. I don’t want to stand there lying or telling the truth. Much easier to talk about something that isn’t so personal.

From Aaron’s post:

> [T]he question is extremely open-ended. The answer could be a book, a movie, a relationship, a class, a job, a hobby, etc.

Notice how “job” is in there. You can still give a non personal answer if you wish.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#174

Post by chrisdhal »

astura wrote: post #146
blitzar wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People dont ask these things directly ... asking what you do for a living is asking how much money you make. > 16 years old Back then they asked what your parents did for a living

Incredibly bizarre - I literally have zero idea what any of my friends or acquaintances parents did for work when I was a teenager. Parental occupation is simply not a topic of conversation among teenagers. Full stop.

Hmm...maybe it's generational? When I was a teenager (mid-80's) I knew what my friend's parents did for a living. It's not like we sat around and discussed it, but I could have told you what the majority of my friend's parents did for a living (including what company they worked for).

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#175

Post by datavirtue »

blitzar wrote: post #87
boredemployee wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a genuine interest to know what people do for a living, I don't really care about their paycheck. I always find interesting how people try to tell how their jobs are interesting but in the end we all know it is boring as hell. It's amazing how we are willing to do shit stuff so we can be able to pay our bills.

The most interesting of 'genuine interest to know what people do for a living' converstations I have had are with parents of late teen parents ... who want to guide their children towards careers or advice about careers (almost always includes - "there is good money in that" so the same rule applies all the same).

I ruin my health and drain my soul by sitting in a chair all day for $200k a year. Not recommended.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#176

Post by david38 »

version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

This is a lost opportunity to gain some valuable communication skills

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#177

Post by version_five »

darkerside wrote: post #105
version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

> bad at giving concise summaries This seems like something you could work on instead of implying it's other people's fault for asking you about a topic that they don't know they aren't interested in yet. If you have a punchy 20 second description, and then ask what they do, you'll have pivoted away unless they want to bring it back.

I'm familiar with the idea of a punchy 20 second summary. I worked on consulting where everyone had something like that to introduce themselves with in a meeting. I haven't been able to bring myself do do it, even if I understand why people do and what the advantages are.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#178

Post by plaguepilled »

Symbiote wrote: post #104
plaguepilled wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Architects are above engineers? I think this is a highly subjective list.

It is status negotiation, and not only is highly subjective but also varies depending on the age, social class and occupation of both people.

This is more or less what I was reaching for, though my attempt was with far less clarity. Thanks for wording it better than I could.

The occupation of the participants is an interesting angle. I wonder if it has been studied at any length.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#179

Post by tgv »

bl4ckm0r3 wrote: post #162
tgv wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It definitely is part of the conversation in (parts of) Europe, but not very central. I see it as part of finding common ground to continue the conversation.

I do notice a difference between north and south of Europe (more likely to be asked in the north) but it always felt more like "do you do an interesting job?" more than "can you be useful for my next startup?" :P

Certainly. Very few people ask about your job to see if they can get something out of it. It's small-talk at the level of "do you have children" or "what's the name of your dog".

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#180

Post by horns4lyfe »

bl4ckm0r3 wrote: post #7

To be honest I have experienced this a lot in San Francisco, where people ask first what do you do, second where do you work and then what's your name...in Europe it really isn't the central part of the conversation and most likely the job doesn't even get mentioned in a dinner or a normal conversation with someone you met in a bar/club/wherever. It always shocked me how "what you do" defines the start of the convers…

San Francisco had a period that I assume is over where a common first question was “so what are you building?” Ugh
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