Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Most young men are single. Most young women are not

thehill.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

171–180 of 300 posts

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#171

Post by PurpleRamen »

Jensson wrote: post #142
cmsj wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a male man chap fellow, I have no clue what "masculinity" means, and I have essentially no interest in trying to define it. We're just individuals. Try to be the best kind of individual you can - learn empathy, show interest in others and help them. Maybe you'll meet someone to partner with, maybe you won't, but chasing some societal ideal of "masculinity" is almost certainly not the best way to be the best versio…

Are you bisexual? If not you are attracted to femininity or masculinity. I guess you are attracted to femininity so you don't recognize that masculinity can also be attractive. Women tend to dream of a masculine man with feminine interests, same as men dream of feminine women with masculine interests. If you think that is a contradictory statement, no it isn't, pop culture is full of them. Angelina Jolie in Transform…

Femininity or masculinity are defined by culture, and modern society has lost them on the road of equality. It's quite common with younger people to not have a clear definition of normal femininity and masculinity. After all, everyone can be everything and do everything, so there is no specific difference between the sexes to define the traits, beyond biology. And even biology is questioned in recent years because of trans.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#172

Post by xtracto »

dctoedt wrote: post #148
rayiner wrote: post #103

The article is written in a weird way which suggests that women are pursuing better options and are happy about that, but statistics don’t bear that out. Self-reported life satisfaction for women has been declining since the 1970s: https://docs.iza.org/dp4200.pdf Something I’ve noticed is that American parents of the boomer generation have pretty much abdicated their role in getting younger people paired up. Young pe…

Even just fix-ups can work out well, as my wife and I can attest nearly 40 years after we were fixed up by mutual friends.

Ha! That reminded me of a time in my teens (25 years ago). I have always been extremely shy, and thus was the one in my (male) friend group without a girlfriend.

Two times, a friend of mine fixed a meeting with a girl (different girl each time) where he told the girl that "his friend liked her" (I was his friend) and also told me that "her friend liked me". At parties, we got to meet (each with the assumption that the other person liked us) and both times we became boyfriend/girlfriends.

Both times we were very young to get into a long term relationship (I was 15 at the time), but in hindsight, I am impressed how simple it was. Just a matter of "breaking" that illusory barrier of fear of rejection.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#174

Post by b800h »

mcphage wrote: post #170
b800h wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They didn't mention the fact that successful younger males are dating multiple women at once. That's another factor.

Is it? Are open relationships that statistically significant?

I think we're talking about ambiguous relationships, not open ones.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#175

Post by [deleted] »

Jensson wrote: post #160
danielrpa wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

True, but what I'm saying is that the same overall approach - at least in my case - worked well in the US, even though things were harder at first (some tweaks were needed indeed). I bet things would be different in India or Saudi Arabia, however we're talking about the US here. I'm saying that if young American men had the opportunity to learn how to court women, they would have no problems finding mates.

> if young American men had the opportunity to learn how to court women You growing up in a culture where courting women is encouraged makes a huge difference, you can't really practice if it isn't socially acceptable to court women badly.

[deleted]

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#176

Post by cragfar »

danielrpa wrote: post #127

I grew up in Latin America but now I'm married to an American woman and thus out of the "pool". I hang out with coworkers still in their 20s and I'm blown away by how their teens and 20s differed from mine. When I was single, all my friends and I could think about was how to find the next date or sexual partner. We were all very active, and I personally had over a dozen "serious" girlfriends (3+ months) and another c…

It started in the early 00s, but schools/media really started to shame boys for pursuing girls. Especially if the girls showed the slightest bit of resistance.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#177

Post by antisthenes »

tester756 wrote: post #147
medvezhenok wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You should always strive to maximize your value in the dating market - any other strategy is self-defeating (note that you can settle after maximizing - that is totally allowed). That means you should try to meet women doing activities you excel at (relative to other people), demonstrating leadership qualities (giving talks at conferences, for ex.) or in GP's case, moving abroad. I'm not sure how the people you attra…

If you're using "strategies" then you're already not genuine, thus not trustworthy, imo.

Everyone is using strategies, whether they are aware of it or not.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#178

Post by tester756 »

dsfyu404ed wrote: post #169
tester756 wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're using "strategies" then you're already not genuine, thus not trustworthy, imo.

Have you seen how women approach dating? Double standard much?

I didn't say anything about sex.

Point stands regardless of sex.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#179

Post by tester756 »

antisthenes wrote: post #177
tester756 wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're using "strategies" then you're already not genuine, thus not trustworthy, imo.

Everyone is using strategies, whether they are aware of it or not.

One of those is genuine, the other is not.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#180

Post by tucnak »

llampx wrote: post #167
tucnak wrote: post #105

Disclaimer: I'm a non-American young adult in a longstanding relationship with a girl of my age. Having read the article, I felt like the writing severely lacked in clarity & posed the problem as ultimately men's fault. The numerous quotes appealing to what I can only read as "hot takes" produced by some kind of authority only reinforce this: > Younger men are largely responsible for rising rates of mass shootings, a…

You can't really expect mainstream writing to take the opposite stance, that its women's fault. Somebody has to be to blame, and in a case of men vs women, the target is easy.

Why have a stance in this sense of the word at all? It's not a fight is it? Is it...? One of the commenters have pointer out that women have been getting progressively less and less happy since the 1970s (based on self-reporting) so if anything, everybody is at loss here. I've really tried to take this piece seriously but once you cut the propaganda, there's no single clear bit of writing in it worth thinking about or so I'm led to believe.
Post reply on HN