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Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

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Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#171

Post by thex10 »

jascination wrote: post #32
mingusrude wrote: post #27

We had a party this summer, my wife turned 50 and we wanted to host a party in our house for all our friends. We thought it would be a blast but there were problems. First problem, we don't really have that many friends. Back in the day, it felt natural to invite anyone you remotely knew but today, not so much. So, only those that we had some kind of deeper relationship got on the list, in total maybe 30 people or so…

This was a really thoughtful response, thanks for sharing it. As a 35 year old who's just had his first kids this makes me sad to read, it really feels like I'm past the age of good parties now. Pre-covid we were having raucous times every weekend and now there's too much responsibility to imagine that again. And I'm probably getting towards the age where it'd be a bit sad to still do that anyway. FWIW one place I've…

> FWIW one place I've lived that seems to care little about age in the party scene is Madrid.

Perhaps this applies to much of Spain - my aunt in her 70s still hits the town with her girlfriends on many a night on Spain's Costa del Sol.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#172

Post by skilled »

Life happens, especially past age 30, maybe even less than that. If you’re single and don’t plan to have kids AND have a network of similar people - parties are still pretty common, even if they are slightly less ambitious.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#173

Post by DontchaKnowit »

pavlov wrote: post #69

I'm 42 and last year moved back to my home country. We wanted to throw a housewarming party but getting enough people in one place on a specific day at a specific time seemed like an impossible challenge. Everybody had busy schedules for their precious August weekends anyway. We ended up doing a full-weekend party where people could drop by whenever they can. The first guests came on Friday around 6 pm and the last o…

Everyone saying this sounds exhausting which it do3s, but it also sounds like a ton of fun. Having youre house just be an open hang for a weekend sounds sweet

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#174

Post by [deleted] »

molsongolden wrote: post #127

Remote work is hurting local networks for a lot of people. It's true that it's possible to build community outside of work but it takes intentional effort. We spend so many hours at work that it's a natural place for adults to build community and meet acquaintances. Situation 1 - Years of working in an office with coworkers, attending events, meeting customers in the community. Eventually you end up with a handful of…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#175

Post by fnordpiglet »

INTPenis wrote: post #125
bil7 wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an extrovert, that sounds like a total nightmare. Complete isolation for a week would drive me nuts.

Well it's complete isolation with your preferred partner. Introverts can avoid draining their battery if they spend time with close people they trust, and can be themselves around. I compare it to masks. We wear many different masks and they weigh different depending on the company. The masks come off with your close family and friends and it's wonderful. It's actually recharging in some way.

We introverts will make great residents of Mars. People always talk about how impossible it’ll be for humans to live there in relative isolation. Those people are obviously normals, and they always assume the others like us don’t count. I’d do just fine with myself or a small number of close partners for the rest of my life. Further, a lot of folks on the spectrum wouldn’t do _just_ fine, they would do better.. A planet for the neurodiverse seems like a great thing.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#176

Post by splatzone »

CalRobert wrote: post #105

Well, there's https://twitter.com/defconparties of course. I just spent a good amount of time talking to a therapist (first time) about how painfully lonely I am. I moved to the countryside because the city was too unaffordable but friends I used to see a couple times a month are now a couple times a year. And I just had my 40th where my wife invited one of her friends (another couple with kids) and it was nice, but…

I'm sorry to hear that, if it's any consolation I've deal with loneliness a lot too. I've decided to throw myself into new hobbies this year to try to remedy that. I hope things get better for you

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#177

Post by mythhouse »

i rent a room from 2 ladies who are ski instructors in their early 60s. They seem to have a lot of friends and party a lot ( i get invited to some) and go to a lot of trips and play/ski/camp in the mountains here in the colorado. They are leaving this weekend to party somewhere in streamboat springs.

I guess its important to have hobbies and put effort into weaving those into your life ? Its also easy to find other people who are into and hang out with them?

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#178

Post by fnordpiglet »

nixpulvis wrote: post #75

Last memorial day I tried to have a little BBQ... ended up eating and drinking by myself on/near the sidewalk in front of my apartment, while grilling and listening to a festive playlist with songs like Carry on my Wayward Son. I kept asking random people if they wanted a brat, but nobody did... until the guy towing my roommate's broken down car home arrived. The three of us shared one, the tow truck driver finished…

Next time try handing out $100 bills instead of brats and folks will be happy to hang out with you. Works for me.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#179

Post by jonathanstrange »

Speaking for myself, I went to every party (invited or not) with my group of friends when we were 18. In the mid twenties we went to almost every party we were invited to. By the early 30s, we all moved to separate places far away abroad. Me and my girlfriend went to a few parties by colleagues of mine at our new country of residence, and they were nice but not really interesting (too many kids, more like family events). By now, late 40s and early 50s, nobody organizes a party and I don't want to go to a party anyway. They're boring and I'd regret drinking too much the next day, and if you don't drink alcohol, they're even more boring.

So there's that. It was a gradual process. Now if we lived in Beverly Hills and had many acquaintances, I'd probably go to parties. But I'm not working in showbiz, I'm working in academia and unfortunately most of my colleagues are not very interesting personalities.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#180

Post by tr81 »

a13o wrote: post #153
lolinder wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the community we've embedded ourselves in (via our church) I think you've hit on something important here. Without getting into the merits of religious belief , the rapid increase in loneliness seems to be strongly correlated with the rapid decrease in religiosity. There just aren't any institutions prepared to replace church communities. For my part, I get more than enough socialization through my church community…

I've got a theory that religion is the convergence of community, morality, spirituality, and mysticism. In a move to reject the mysticism we're throwing the baby out with the bathwather.

I think the new religions are gyms, fitness classes, sports, volunteering, book clubs, etc. My wife made friends at such places.

But it also depends on a person. I have never made a real friend at a gym or fitness class. I haven't done anything else like join sports team or book club. I also used to go to religious building (mosque) but never made new friends there. So don't think you really need religion for community building.

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