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How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

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Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#171

Post by fizixer »

Mahn wrote: post #133
fizixer wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thought experiment: Imagine you are not dependent on your current partner in any way. You are financially stable (let's say you a multi-millionaire). Either you don't have kids or if you do, somehow they're not dependent on you (or something). Now think of your favorite media personalities that you have a crush on, and imagine one of them meets you in person and takes an elevated level of interest in you. If you don'…

Would I have consensual sex with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Sure. Would I fall in love with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Well, no, not automatically anyway, I would have to get to know this person first and see how I feel about spending time and do things together. I'd definitely not dump a person I've known and loved for years over a fling with an attractive ce…

> Would I have consensual sex with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Sure.

Would you proclaim that at the time of marriage vows? No. (so the whole idea of marriage is either a hypocrisy or a joke).

Would you proclaim that when your recent date asks if it's time to go steady? No. (so the whole idea of monogamous relationship is either a hypocrisy or a joke).

And the very idea that you have celebrity crushes while you claim you're in love with someone flies in the face of the idea of love.

I'm not saying what you think is immoral. All I'm saying is this whole thing is a big make-believe, an arcane circus that we like to play our whole lives, when the alternative is quite simple: just admit the reality that it's way more superficial and increasingly more and more useless than what the society would like you to believe.

> Would I fall in love with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Well, no...

You completely missed my point.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#173

Post by projektir »

PrefixKitten wrote: post #163
erikpukinskis wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The only place I think that really applies is if you're in a small town. If you can't get past the first few dates after trying with 10-20 candidates in a big city (requiring 100-200 solicitations), you're probably facing one of a few very solvable problems, off the top of my head: - fails at basic hygiene (solved by showers, haircuts, clothes, cleaning your room, home improvement projects, eating vegetables, etc) -…

I've been in Cleveland 2 years and I have only went on dates with 2 people. At my most recent workplace there was only ever one woman around my age. We went to lunch together and talked a ton so I think she liked me but I didn't want to date a coworker at the time. Other than her though, dating through work is apparently not an option. But as for dating apps/sites and stuff I never get any matches. So based on all th…

I don't really think this situation is all that unusual, but it's something people don't bring up because it causes the reactions like the parent.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#174

Post by [deleted] »

wu-ikkyu wrote: post #157
fizixer wrote: post #46

Marriage, monogamy, and (romantic) love are conservative notions that are close to being (or should be) marginalized in my opinion. Romantic love, especially, is an extremely superficial and hollow idea exalted to high heavens by the group-think of the masses. I gave up religion, and over the years realized that love is the second, way more sneaky and no less damaging, delusion that humanity indulges in. It has to go…

Define love

[deleted]

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#175

Post by cookiecaper »

djohnston wrote: post #15

im in the honeymoon phase right now. sometimes i get sad thinking about the transience of this phase of the relationship. obviously i shouldn't fixate on that, but it's like this creeping twilight that i wish i could just stave off forever. anyone have tips on doing this?

The "honeymoon phase" need not end. Many of the maturing adults I know find love getting deeper and life getting better every year.

Continue to make your partnership the highest priority in life and never assume that things have to be worse.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#176

Post by DonaldFisk »

bhnmmhmd wrote: post #108
fizixer wrote: post #46

Marriage, monogamy, and (romantic) love are conservative notions that are close to being (or should be) marginalized in my opinion. Romantic love, especially, is an extremely superficial and hollow idea exalted to high heavens by the group-think of the masses. I gave up religion, and over the years realized that love is the second, way more sneaky and no less damaging, delusion that humanity indulges in. It has to go…

Actually, men used to like it when women were fat about two centuries ago. Nowadays, it's completely reverse: super-models are all slim. This wouldn't happen if attraction to beauty was mostly subject to biology. (You know that biological structure doesn't change so fast in less than 200 years, right?) Also, you seem to underestimate how much humans are driven by their emotions and sense of loyalty to someone else. H…

I don't have any data on weight or body fat, but there's plenty of research into attractiveness of women with various waist-hip ratios and yes, it has dropped steadily from around 0.77 in 1500 to 0.68 in the last half-century. However, does even a WHR of 0.77 correspond to being fat?

Source: http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal....

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#177

Post by nomass »

It was surprisingly hard to figure out the problem with these two articles.I mean it all makes sense, I couldn't stop nodding. And dont get me started with the picture from the stairs where the fighting couple stands below the lamentable single person. I mean: yes! And if that is not enough, our reading efforts are rewarded with a handy checklist for choosing the right partner.

I know the author might not happy about this, but I have an odd feeling (ha, shoot me). And the intensions they where, as they always are , the intentions where good. Nobody was hurt, no potential was spoiled, no time was lost. Everyone is happy. Sure there are conflicts and stumbling blocks, but with solid work and communication you disolve them into harmless bumps while sailing away on your Loveboat. Ready for the next chapture. Buying a house. Having kids. Growing older together. Die with a smile on your face surrounded by caring people.

If anything is overly romantic, than this. Completely ignoring the context you live in and reduce everything to a handfull of personal traits and skills is overly simplicistic (stupid) and naive, because:

- you cannot create love by communication, or transform friendship or nice feeling into love

- It is reasonable if you seek for true love and believe in fate (But only until you're 30)

- If you have been hurt, betrayed, used and left, take it as a sign to loath yourself less (and not others more)

- Life can be bitter. Love can vanish. Dreams can be shattered.

There is this song "Hello" from Adele, which is fairly popular. It describes somehow a state of love and connection after it is long gone. Something I'm not sure this author would even understand.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#178

Post by debaserab2 »

fizixer wrote: post #171
Mahn wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Would I have consensual sex with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Sure. Would I fall in love with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Well, no, not automatically anyway, I would have to get to know this person first and see how I feel about spending time and do things together. I'd definitely not dump a person I've known and loved for years over a fling with an attractive ce…

> Would I have consensual sex with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Sure. Would you proclaim that at the time of marriage vows? No. (so the whole idea of marriage is either a hypocrisy or a joke). Would you proclaim that when your recent date asks if it's time to go steady? No. (so the whole idea of monogamous relationship is either a hypocrisy or a joke). And the very idea that you have celebr…

> And the very idea that you have celebrity crushes while you claim you're in love with someone flies in the face of the idea of love.

How so? This is where you lose me.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#179

Post by MarkMc »

fizixer wrote: post #114
debaserab2 wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I hope most of you would agree that at least 70%-90% of being in love has something to do with the appearance of your person-of-interest (most of it visual). No matter how you cut it, no matter how much of an intellectual you are and how much you prefer to connect deeply with a person, in the end, given two individuals, you fall in love with the one that is more visually attractive No, I don't agree with that even…

Thought experiment: Imagine you are not dependent on your current partner in any way. You are financially stable (let's say you a multi-millionaire). Either you don't have kids or if you do, somehow they're not dependent on you (or something). Now think of your favorite media personalities that you have a crush on, and imagine one of them meets you in person and takes an elevated level of interest in you. If you don'…

Most people would be tempted to cheat, but would not actually cheat. So love must be pretty strong to counter such a large difference in physical appearance.

There's no doubt that physical attraction plays a strong - perhaps dominant - role in determining who we pair up with. But after initial pairing most people develop a deep emotional bond that counteracts the desire to switch partners when someone more attractive comes along.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#180

Post by morgante »

chrisseaton wrote: post #94
morgante wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> listen to what people in NYC say about the dating scene there I live in NYC and think the dating scene here is fantastic, at least for someone in their 20s. There's lots of opportunity to meet interesting people and have fun together. This is going to sound silly, but one of my strongest reasons for preferring NYC to SF is the better dating scene.

There's lots of opportunity to meet people, but I think the point is do those people want to settle down? Or do they want to keep meeting more interesting people? When people want a good dating scene they don't want to keep dating - they want successful dating, meaning a relationship.

Sure, I agree that if your goal is to get married and settle down quickly then NYC might not be ideal.

That certainly doesn't mean everyone finds the NYC dating scene bad. Plenty of people are at a stage in life where their preference is for shorter term relationships and I don't see anything wrong with that.

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