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I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

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Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#171

Post by kaitai »

fpgaminer wrote: post #87
shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…

The poster is not saying that social malleability differs between genders, but that social pressures differ.

When's the last time you were hollered at to smile more, for instance?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#172

Post by okasaki »

jahewson wrote: post #111
fpgaminer wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…

> I strongly suspect both genders are equally susceptible to being manipulated by societal pressures. Sure but which gender does society place more pressures on?

The one with 3x more suicides?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#173

Post by oldmanjay »

chris_wot wrote: post #81
jsmthrowaway wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Professor Fate! (Wait, we're just naming random people who come to mind, right? That's what this thread is about, I gather?)

Try to keep up. The OP stated "and one would also want to accurately assess whether non-women are also expected not to be rude". So I provided two very good examples. Donald Trump is another. Unless you believe that Steve Jobs and Larry Ellison were/are expected to be polite constantly.

Roseanne Barr. There, women aren't expected to polite constantly either, since you seem to believe visible exceptions prove some sort of point.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#174

Post by varjag »

pitay wrote: post #164
varjag wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You of course realize that this was the same kind of social conditioning and gender role pressure that the grandparent post is downplaying?

No, the grandparent post was saying that men were similarly influenced by societal pressures. It wasn't downplaying the societal pressure.

The situation for the genders is asymmetric and so the effects of non-conformance have different outcomes. If I had to post an "all lives matter" argument in a thread about racism on blacks it would absolutely be downplaying racism, even if the statement is technically correct.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#175

Post by popmystack »

pitay wrote: post #164
varjag wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You of course realize that this was the same kind of social conditioning and gender role pressure that the grandparent post is downplaying?

No, the grandparent post was saying that men were similarly influenced by societal pressures. It wasn't downplaying the societal pressure.

No one said they weren't. And then he called the statement sexist.

It's being used to downplay the original statement -- not add to it.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#176

Post by kaitai »

cgriswald wrote: post #29
shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

I've found they also have an amazing ability to make excuses for the behaviors of others. I had an ex who got into a lot of sketchy situations because she refused to believe people were exactly who they were telling her they were. Guys would do inappropriate things that clearly bothered her, but she would claim they were "joking" or believe she misunderstood, etc. etc. So she wouldn't set any boundaries, and of cours…

While I take mild offense at your characterization (#notallwomen!), I will point out that many women are trained from a very young age to make those excuses and not set boundaries. They have to hug the family member who creeps on them because else they are rude; they can't hit back the kid who hit them first and they're told to think, "Maybe he's having a bad day -- you should give him a hug instead!"

For fun, check out the time out chairs at this Etsy shop: https://www.etsy.com/listing/247648122/boys-and-girls-time-o... Girls are supposed to be nice and listen. Boys are supposed to not kick or shout. Be nice -- that's where the excuses start getting made. It's a hard message to get out of your psyche.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#177

Post by varjag »

oldmanjay wrote: post #167
JulianMorrison wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Humans aren't averages. A randomly chosen woman will almost always have some fraction of men out there she can physically dominate. And some women are just plain tough and could physically impose on nearly all men. And yet men don't worry and walk faster when the woman they're alone with in the parking lot looks like she could bench a truck.

I'm not certain what your point was intended to be, but human men are far stronger than human women with very rare exception. A randomly chosen women is unlikely to be able to physically dominate any man at all, absent deformity. The difference is quite stark. Certainly a highly trained female body builder is an exception, but they are also vanishingly rare in the population and very unlikely to be randomly chosen. S…

I'm not sure what this whole chain of reasoning has to do with the argument at hand.

Most of the violence and rape committed to male victims has male perpetrators. Does it follow that most men can overpower an average man? Are feminists still to blame here?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#178

Post by elbigbad »

throwaway39578 wrote: post #100
wallacoloo wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Like, seriously. They're still facebook friends through all this? Nope. She definitely blocked him on Facebook, but only once she felt his behavior constituted harassment. And that's reasonable, in my mind - especially given that this portion of the story occurred 10 years ago when people had much less experience with online social networks. Problems like these can start small and escalate gradually. Yes, the artic…

It's not about whether she "feels" his behavior constitutes harassment. She has a choice about whether to be contacted by him and she has to tell him in no uncertain terms exactly what she wants. She has to say, "Please don't contact me again. I am not interested in having you in my life in any way. Move on." (not a quote, my suggestion). This is like her quote, >"He handed me the latest Red Hot Chili Peppers CD (Sta…

Nice to create a throwaway so no one connects your misogynistic ranting to your real identity.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#179

Post by pitay »

scotty79 wrote: post #145
nowarninglabel wrote: post #3

"When I got a Facebook account in 2006 he found me again and, not wanting to be rude, I accepted his friend request." It's hard to understand why, having previously already blocked this person elsewhere, they would accept a friend request from them. I suppose now, 10 years later, one can hope that people exact greater control over their online social networks.

Firstly I'd like to state that there's no justification for what this guy is doing. Making somebody's life intentionally and persistently miserable can have no justification. The story basically starts with a boy falling in love with a girl that won't love him back. She's still using interaction with him for her purposes though. Then the boy grows into a man and his addiction to a person gets deformed into addiction…

You behaved admirably, after you realised it could end badly you did something about it (perhaps a little extreme, maybe). It sounds that things could've been better with your life, sad to hear.

The guy in the article however, actively tried to ruin her life and showed that her well being meant jack all to him, just what he could get from her.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#180

Post by kaitai »

chris_wot wrote: post #47
na85 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>If her local police was ignorant of actual laws applying to her case, as she indicated, couldn't she just tell the officers under which exact laws she is making a complaint? To me at least it's been conclusively demonstrated that 60-90% of police are completely incompetent. I would not trust them to do the right thing even if you mentioned the law.

I don't know how it works in the U.S. but in Australia I had a situation where someone bumped into my mother on the road and intimidated her as she went down the highway. My mother noted the time, the license plate number and ensured she called the Police Assistance Line we have, after he passed her by. They referred her to her local police station. She went to see them the next morning, but the Officer on Duty refus…

Are you a guy? It might have something to do with the different response.
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