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Career Advice (2013)

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Re: Career Advice (2013)

#161

Post by em-bee »

ponector wrote: post #140
em-bee wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

don't do it to save money, because you unlikely will. lower cost of living is associated with a lower quality of life. things are cheaper in other places because they have less quality. what you save on some things, you end up spending on others. before you move somewhere, make sure you like it there regardless of the cost or quality of life, because if you don't you will end up spending more on things to compensate…

That is not always true. Cost of living in Houston is lower than in LA. Is life worse there? Is quality lower?

i can't judge that for myself as i have not been to houston yet but i remember seeing articles about people moving from california to austin and being disappointed. if houston is anywhere similar to austin then that should prove the point.

it really depends on what you consider quality of living. to me that includes access to interesting activities, people etc. if i don't get that, i will do something else to compensate. in houston that could mean more travelling. so the money you save on the house you then spend on airplane tickets or on gas for your car.

not everyone is going to be the same. it could be that you absolutely love living in houston, spend all your time hanging out at the space center, or some other local activity that is not expensive and really do save money.

but what i said actually applies more for living in a different country, because i assure you, at a minimum you will miss food from home and spend money on imported food or going to restaurants.

Re: Career Advice (2013)

#162

Post by em-bee »

xyzelement wrote: post #139
em-bee wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

but it takes two. if your partner does not reciprocate then sometimes there is nothing you can do to fix the relationship. but that should not prevent anyone from trying to find a partner. it just means that i would look for a partner who understands this, and is willing to look out for your needs just as much as you look out for theirs.

Exactly. Who you marry is 100% within your control. It can still fail, but you aren't setting yourself up for failure at least.

ok, it is in your control to pick a partner that is aware of these needs. but it is much easier said than done. and yes, not paying attention to that would be setting yourself up for failure. sadly many do.

Re: Career Advice (2013)

#163

Post by em-bee »

chinchilla2020 wrote: post #147
xyzelement wrote: post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I find this to not be a helpful frame of thinking. A divorce is not a random natural disaster that befalls you. You have a lot of control about who you end up with, who you are inside and how you engage with your partner. So the fact that divorce happens "often" or "rarely" doesn't matter to an individual scenario - it's completely within those people's controls to make good or bad decisions.

Divorce happens often and the rates are climbing. It makes sense to follow statistical guidelines. "Who you marry" is not in your control. People change over the years. Marriage changes your spouse, and yourself. Some people realize what they actually want as they mature. Most of the smartest, most thoughtful people in the world get divorced. They all thought they had control over marriage.

the problem is that many get married blind. they have high expectations but ignore the tools to verify that these expectations will be met. they just hope for the best and think love will take care of the challenges. but checking your expectations takes a lot of self reflection and understanding of your own person, and consultation with your partner about your common expectations of life. pre marriage counseling is a good idea.

love alone is not enough, it's actually less important than common goals and a dedication to support each other. if love were a precondition to a happy marriage then arranged marriages (ignoring the downsides) would have had to all fail 100% of the time. when they don't fail it's because these people understand to care for each other and most likely were able to develop love for each other over time.

Re: Career Advice (2013)

#164

Post by em-bee »

badpun wrote: post #125
jonasdegendt wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your dreams can be any passion or hobby, if it's a relatively fleeting one that's fine too. I restored a motorcycle last year, it was a great outlet, but I wasn't actually very into riding it in the end and dropped it. Onto the next one. You like fine dining and look forward to a new restaurant every week? That's the equivalent of a dream to some people. I think you're right in the sense that this U.S. notion of "exc…

> You like fine dining and look forward to a new restaurant every week? That's the equivalent of a dream to some people. Well, then my "dream" is to play MtG and lay in bed reading random stuff on the Internet. Seems like too broad of a definition :)

who is to judge?

it is the parents and societies job to develop your ambitions. if you don't have any then that's not your failure, but ours.

Re: Career Advice (2013)

#165

Post by zerobrainwash »

grecy wrote: post #36
fermentation wrote: post #6

I would love to hitchhike to Alaska, but I’m terrified of what would happen to my career if I did. I worked hard to get a good job, and the situation right now is bad. There are so many people waiting for me to keel over and die because they’re also good engineers who want good jobs.

I quit my Software engineering job and drove up to Alaska for a whole summer. I continued south after that, all the way to Argentina. It took 2 years, through 17 countries. Paddled with icebergs, poked lava with a stick, climbed a 20,000 foot active volcano, learned Spanish, etc. etc. Adventure I had never dreamed possible, and adventure lifetime is an understatement. When I got back I got the first Software Engineer…

Thank you for sharing this! Planning to embark on a similar adventure and having some fears, this is reassuring.

Re: Career Advice (2013)

#166

Post by jebarker »

akaij wrote: post #71
abhnv wrote: post #29

Does this apply to 30 year olds who've been working for a while and feel lost?

I would say that is a pretty good time to re-evaluate a lot of things: 20s behind you, slightly matured, more time alone, able to do healthier introspection. At least it was, in my own timeline! I didn't begin climbing out of my mess until 30 :)

I'm 42 and I think it's relevant to me too

Re: Career Advice (2013)

#167

Post by jebarker »

monero-xmr wrote: post #13

My advice: - If you don't come from money, and your personality desires security and safety, don't do risky stuff like wasting your 20's hitchhiking and being a ski bum. You should get skills and a career. I came from lower-middle class and have always had the nagging fear of being destitute. I am so much happier that I worked hard in my 20s (80 hours a week hard) so my 30s and 40s were more comfortable. - Your habit…

That word "purpose" terrifies me. Along with it's sibling "meaning". I (now) understand that purpose is something you define for yourself, i.e. it's not pre-ordained in nature for you. But I feel like the need to find purpose has terrorized me my whole life. I'm only now starting to understand that I don't need a purpose to live for or to justify my existence, but it's a constant effort to remember that and fight the nagging fear that I'll never find my purpose.

Re: Career Advice (2013)

#168

Post by ornornor »

scns wrote: post #153
hosteur wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That’s just sad.

That is a judgment on your part. There is no retirement in nature. If you keep doing what you love when you are "retired", it will be to your benefit. Both my parents teach, my father does something he likes for the first time i think. Could call it sad but why?

Obviously some professions like teaching, medicine, and a few others are different because they actually benefit society. As opposed to middle managers in a megacorp only working hard to make anonymous shareholders richer. When that guy is gone, they’ll be replaced within a couple of weeks and forgotten as they were just a cog. That’s when it’s sad to keep working imho.

Re: Career Advice (2013)

#169

Post by grecy »

zerobrainwash wrote: post #165
grecy wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I quit my Software engineering job and drove up to Alaska for a whole summer. I continued south after that, all the way to Argentina. It took 2 years, through 17 countries. Paddled with icebergs, poked lava with a stick, climbed a 20,000 foot active volcano, learned Spanish, etc. etc. Adventure I had never dreamed possible, and adventure lifetime is an understatement. When I got back I got the first Software Engineer…

Thank you for sharing this! Planning to embark on a similar adventure and having some fears, this is reassuring.

Many many thousands of people are doing it every year, you got this!

Reach out if I can help in any way.

Re: Career Advice (2013)

#170

Post by ornornor »

jhatemyjob wrote: post #35
tayo42 wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Cal Newport has a whole book about this. So good they can't ignore you. The idea is what you pointed out, and you'll be happier if you just find something to be good at. There's more nuance in the book

Ditto. I wish I found Cal's writings earlier in my life. I followed the line of thinking in OP for 5 years. Since I was following my "passion", I wasn't making that much money and thus was obsessing over my career day in and day out. Then at one point I decided to sell my soul to big tech. After some time, I realized that I actually don't care about my career that much. Ultimately all I want is to increase my hourly…

I see the pragmatism of this, but can’t reconcile the cognitive dissonance.

I personally hate when quality is a nice to have rather than a first class citizen because it results in so much more misery, stress, burnout, micromanagement that is 100% avoidable. By working someplace that (dys)functions that way, I feel like I’m enabling and contributing to ruining everyone else’s lives… and that makes me feel worthless, I can’t do it.

I see the rationale reason for doing it the way you do it, but I don’t seem able to do it myself.

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