161–170 of 243 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Genuinely curious: Why is your reaction to that "WTF"? I think it's totally valid.
It sounds like something you say about employees, not about family members, and certainly not a way of calculating "self worth".
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Agree with you on everything, except frozen foods. I am in my mid 30s. I like to cook and try to eat healthy. I have read at many places on the internet that frozen vegetables in some occasions are healthier than the ones I can at the supermarket- because they are flash frozen, retaining most nutritional value vegetables stay out in shipping and shelves far too long losing nutritional value. Also that they tend to be…
It depends on how you prepare the food too- many type of vegetables have different nutrition content when eaten raw rather than cooked.
The best thing you can do is realize these are unique individuals. They’re your parents, sure, but it’s not your responsibility. Live your life, let them live theirs. It’s ridiculous the way we as a society have normalized the idea that we need to care for our parents.
Like it or not, we all do have a responsibility to look after those who can't look after themselves, even if they're not related but even more so if they spent years of their own lives looking after us. There seem to be people here who would prioritize getting the latest greatest 4K OLED monitor over ensuring their own parents' welfare, and that's literally monstrous (look it up).
It's hard to handle mortality gracefully, but really, fully internalizing that you have a finite amount of time with your parents makes it easier to deal with the frustrations of daily life, and also helps you keep a clear head when it comes down to it and tough decisions need to be made. As much as it sucks, you will be the one holding their hands through the end, and it can be a profound experience if it's not just a giant cloud of negativity and overwhelm (which is totally understandable, but not necessarily the only way!).
It has been a godsend for our family that my parents were able to move into a retirement community that offers a progression of care. My Dad has progressive supranuclear palsy and requires relatively constant care, while my stepmother is better able to live her life with some of the chores/maintenance handled by professionals.
I don't know if there are eldercare places that let potential residents try retirement living/assisted-living out for a month or so, but the community and amenity experiences can yield a flowering of life after elders have though that they were condemned to almost home-isolation by their mobility.
The fact that your Dad has the fortitude to crawl up a flight of stairs every day is truly admirable -- the key is helping him find his way toward a situation where that kind of effort is optional and safer, rather than a requirement and a risk. As @crispyambulance says in a nearby thread, falls are the big risk.
Good luck -- none of this is easy, but with experienced assistance, it need not be a series of unexpected calamities.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you think hacker news has a single minded strength of will, you haven't met an old man. Like seriously if your Dad is crawling up the stairs, he has already decided that He Will Keep Using Both Floors Of His House Until He Physically Can't Anymore. Apart from completely destroying his agency, you are not going to stop this.
The best thing to do would be to get a motorised chair for the stairs if possible. Just in case, I mean it's obvious that his Dad doesn't need it, but maybe one day he will ;).
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I wondered if there was a name for it. It seemed strange to me for OP to be raising a young family while his parents are so old. That means both him and his father had children in their 40s (or perhaps one was even older). It honestly does seem far better for everyone if people have children in their 20s. I wish I could have done that.
> It honestly does seem far better for everyone if people have children in their 20s. There are lots of tradeoffs. On the one hand yes, maybe it means the kids will be out of the house before you start having to deal with parents. On the other hand it's quite likely to be bad financially, as in many cases you'll be down to one income and slower growth in that income during those critical 20s and 30s. That can leave y…
My advice is to keep your parents moving for as long as possible. Motivation and exercise is what keeps people alive and happy. I once knew a 92 year old who benched 140lbs and who’s grip was a vice. He worked out every day for ~2 hrs. Was one of the most impressive things I’ve seen. All that said, perhaps ask them what they want? For instance, their motivation might not be meals or cleaning. Getting a maid or food s…
One major thing you have to worry about with octogenarians is falls. There are all sorts of injuries related to falls but the worst one is to break a hip. It can happen very easily. When old folks break a hip, it sets off a chain of consequences that are really, really bad for their health and quality of life. To begin with, it immediately requires hospitalization and major surgery. Then, a period of immobilization s…
My mom also had a (non-hip-related) fall and that resulted in a hospital and nursing home stay (fortunately she seems to have recovered for the most part).
I read this illustrated aging-parent-focused autobiography lately https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/jul/13/cant-we-talk-a... (by Roz Chast, a New Yorker cartoonist) and it was very much about these issues, and her mom had several falls as well.
I be cared for my dad with Alzheimer’s fir the last 10 years.
Walking helps: 1. Keeping muscle tone 2. Healthy lungs 3. Aids digestion 4. Fixes knee and back issues 5. Creates a routine 6. Aids blood flow 7. Helps sleep
It probably won’t help in the OP case unfortunately but the faster you can make walking a Solid habit for your parents the easier it becomes to take Care of them.
I have a whole system to make sure there’s 3 month of meds and supplies available.
Plus doctors and nurses for checkups and daily care.
Hard but very doable. My parents are in india. In the US setting this up will probably be 5-10x more expensive.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> It honestly does seem far better for everyone if people have children in their 20s. There are lots of tradeoffs. On the one hand yes, maybe it means the kids will be out of the house before you start having to deal with parents. On the other hand it's quite likely to be bad financially, as in many cases you'll be down to one income and slower growth in that income during those critical 20s and 30s. That can leave y…
The negatives are all constructed by the financial system, though. People need two incomes because everyone else has two incomes (two incomes are also usually more tax efficient than one big one). Why aren't people financially stable in their 20s? They're literally in the prime of their lives. Much less likely to fall ill etc. Essentially everyone has to delay their lives until later because everyone else is delaying…
There are two answers to that.
(a) So what? Financial realities are still realities, and impose yet other realities on those who live them. And those realities are not going to change in any conceivable short or medium time frame.
(b) It's not all financial. Time, energy, maturity are all factors too. I happen to believe the vast majority of 20-somethings are not mature enough to be responsible for another person (barely enough so to be responsible for themselves) but I don't turn that into an edict for others. When I had to help my daughter with something recently it was that decade-plus of extra life experience - not money - that turned out to be most helpful. The list goes on.
If you want to claim that the 20s are the ideal time for anyone to have children, you have to prove it. It's not sufficient to say that "you don't see it" when that could just be a reflection of your own limited circumstances or perspective. The reality is that having kids later works very well for some people. Accept that they're not you.