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Daddy isn’t coming back

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Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#161

Post by 5F7bGnd6fWJ66xN »

AmericanChopper wrote: post #137
wasteofelectron wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is an account of a woman’s husband and the father of her children being severely ill and dying by suicide, not “some hardship” or a “topic”. Have some respect for goodness sake. You never know when you’ll need someone to do the same for you.

This is exactly the type of irrational, emotional reaction the active is designed to elicit. The article is advocating for a public policy position, it relates to the topic of suicide, and it describes the hardships of the author. The merit of the position is irrelevant to the fact that this article has been so effective in evoking an emotive response from you, that simply a rational description of its content has ma…

I'm curious if you know of anyone in your family and friend circles with this disorder? If so, have you talked to them?

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#162

Post by cyberpunk »

kreeben wrote: post #135
cyberpunk wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean, I'm a buddhist.. So I'm kind of 'pro universe' but I don't see the point in unnecessary suffering. You're telling me you'd keep on going after losing your family? Years and years of pain and misery? What's the point? There are some things you don't get over.. And even the idea of 'getting over' something like that would make me even sadder than I would have been immediately? Sometimes, kill -9 seems to be a v…

I'm telling you that I _hope_ I would find a way to go on and that I truly hope you would, too. Yes, your life is now empty. But people have their lives ripped apart, all, the fucking, time. Some of them go on living rich and fruitful lives. I would like to think I could strive to become such a person. The pain a suicidal person feels is like nothing else. I hope that after years of mourning I would pick myself up an…

Yep it's brutal.

Maybe we just ignore it until it happens. Seems to be a time tested approach ;)

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#163

Post by bladegash »

cyberpunk wrote: post #122
bladegash wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who has watched their parent struggle with - and ultimately pass away from - lung cancer, I can say that in my case the memory of them was far from their last days. I still remember them as my dad, the way you do when you’re a kid. The person that is a superhero and strongest person there is/was. FWIW, my dad passed away at home under hospice care, with me there to care for him for the last few days. It wa…

I've still got both ahead, I guess I was a bit cocksure about how I would deal with it.. It's a tricky line to find for me between 'letting my kid watch me slowly die' or err.. not.. This is a ridiculously personal question and just ignore it if not, but it's something I've had in my mind for a while... If your pop had taken the cyberpunk route, and just pissed off during those last 2 months, would you have felt him…

I would have respected and understood his decision to do so, but would have rather him take whatever money he ultimately left to me and invite me along to his pissing off =). There's no right or wrong decision in this case, but at least for me, I would have loved to spend as much time as possible with my dad before he passed, and was honored to be allowed to care for him.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#164

Post by panic »

SapporoChris wrote: post #3

I have a black thought on this. I would be happy if someone corrected me. When something breaks, sometimes we repair it, sometimes we throw it out. The more valuable the item, the more we will spend to fix it. However even with the most valuable items, we sometimes reluctantly decide that it is broken beyond repair. Are people like this? Are some simply too broken to fix? I feel awful thinking this, but I wonder if t…

"Broken" is always with respect to some function that we're expecting an object to perform. We expect a hammer to be able to drive nails into wood; if it can't do that, we say it's broken. A person has no intrinsic function, so we can't say that they're broken. It would be more accurate to say the system placing that expectation on them is broken, or at least in need of improvement.

The example of socialized healthcare is given elsewhere in this thread. The line of thinking is, well, some people are just too much of a burden on the healthcare system, so we (sadly) have to let them suffer or die in order to keep the system working for everyone else. But the broken object in this case is not the people, but the healthcare system itself. The system is too weak to care for everyone. Maybe it's not possible to build a system that's strong enough, but the blame should rest on the system (which actually has the potential to be fixed), not on the people (who should not need "fixing" in order to be cared for).

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#165

Post by chillwaves »

SapporoChris wrote: post #3

I have a black thought on this. I would be happy if someone corrected me. When something breaks, sometimes we repair it, sometimes we throw it out. The more valuable the item, the more we will spend to fix it. However even with the most valuable items, we sometimes reluctantly decide that it is broken beyond repair. Are people like this? Are some simply too broken to fix? I feel awful thinking this, but I wonder if t…

I have grown very close to a woman I met online. She is extremely intelligent, but I could tell she had issues. I did not know how severe until we finally met, at my insistence.

I knew she had depression and anxiety. ADHD. That she had trouble getting things done, trouble making decisions, overall trouble functioning but on top of this, she cannot take care of herself hygienically, has a severe problem with hoarding and basically spends much of her waking moments crying or feeling scared/panicked.

She also is clearly autistic though she insists she is not.

At the same time, she is extremely sweet and has a strong sense of justice. She is truly a good person, I have never met anyone so honest. It's sad that we cannot make space for people like this in our society. She asks for so little to survive.

I know I will take care of her for the rest of my life, but of course I know there are other people like her -- if she exists, there have to be others.

She cannot work. She can barely function to take care of herself, and in some ways she cannot even meet that standard. She also lives in another country, so what I can do is limited and sending money helps but it doesn't help enough.

I think she cannot be fixed but I would like to hope there is still a chance. She (and I) are relatively young, in our 30s.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#166

Post by cyberpunk »

downut wrote: post #155
cyberpunk wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean, I'm a buddhist.. So I'm kind of 'pro universe' but I don't see the point in unnecessary suffering. You're telling me you'd keep on going after losing your family? Years and years of pain and misery? What's the point? There are some things you don't get over.. And even the idea of 'getting over' something like that would make me even sadder than I would have been immediately? Sometimes, kill -9 seems to be a v…

Search string: life is suffering People have been thinking on this very question since the beginning of people.

Well, I kind of identify with the soto sect of Zen Buddhism, but I actually reject the standard interpretation of the four noble truths (the first if which, as you've said: life is suffering). Life isn't all suffering. Idealistic thinking of life is a kind of suffering, I suppose, but you're not suffering all the time. When you're eating an awesome meal, having some hot sex, seeing your code pass CI on the first attempt, yada -- this is not life is suffering. So I can't agree with the core buddhist noble truths..

If you're invested in another take on them, I would seek out Gudo Nishijimas dharma airs :}

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#167

Post by seanmcdirmid »

SapporoChris wrote: post #3

I have a black thought on this. I would be happy if someone corrected me. When something breaks, sometimes we repair it, sometimes we throw it out. The more valuable the item, the more we will spend to fix it. However even with the most valuable items, we sometimes reluctantly decide that it is broken beyond repair. Are people like this? Are some simply too broken to fix? I feel awful thinking this, but I wonder if t…

There is always an end for all of us where we can't be repaired. The harder questions come from those who are seemingly far from that end. All of those people are morally worth fixing, but they aren't going to fix themselves, and the resources needed to fix them are more often than not unavailable or unwilling (either by the provider or the person needed fixing).

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#168

Post by cyberpunk »

bladegash wrote: post #163
cyberpunk wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've still got both ahead, I guess I was a bit cocksure about how I would deal with it.. It's a tricky line to find for me between 'letting my kid watch me slowly die' or err.. not.. This is a ridiculously personal question and just ignore it if not, but it's something I've had in my mind for a while... If your pop had taken the cyberpunk route, and just pissed off during those last 2 months, would you have felt him…

I would have respected and understood his decision to do so, but would have rather him take whatever money he ultimately left to me and invite me along to his pissing off =). There's no right or wrong decision in this case, but at least for me, I would have loved to spend as much time as possible with my dad before he passed, and was honored to be allowed to care for him.

Cheers, I will think on this.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#169

Post by Invictus0 »

R0b0t1 wrote: post #142
paxys wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A single hotline experience not working for you doesn't warrant a blanket "I would never suggest to anyone to call a suicide hotline". There are lots of studies that show that such programs are at least moderately effective ( https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12... )

There's also studies that show the more times you are committed the more likely you are to commit suicide, i.e., that psychiatric hospitals cause suicidal ideation.

Or perhaps the most suicidal people are more likely to be committed? Causation seems very hard to show here.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#170

Post by hmrr »

NikolaNovak wrote: post #5

It's a difficult read; more of a personal/lived experience but with some stats and thoughts sprinkled through. I have two young'uns (3 years and 6 months), so it was the title and its expansion that got to me the most; telling your kids that their parent is not coming back? I struggle to tell them when mommy is out for a grocery run! I told the children early on Saturday morning. “Daddy isn’t coming back,” I said as…

I suspect it’s easier knowing that they aren’t coming back than having to explain that you don’t know when they will come back and what mood they will be in when they do get back. This was my ex wife for several years until I kicked her ass on the street. I’ve got three kids and they’re doing fine now she’s gone but the emotional damage of uncertainty is possibly worse than absolutes.
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