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The unusual ways Western parents raise children

bbc.com

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#161

Post by lqet »

A4ET8a8uTh0 wrote: post #132
PebblesRox wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree and I really dislike the undercurrent of fear that's present in a lot of parenting advice. The message (implicitly or explicitly) tends to be "do it this way or you'll damage your kids." But the truth is we're never going to be perfect parents, we have no guarantees over how our kids turn out, and there are a wide range of approaches that will lead to good outcomes. I like to do research to discover options I…

There is damage and there is damage. Some can really change kids trajectory. Some become a funny anecdote for the future. I am a newly minted parent and we had a visitation from a parent, who now has a 4 year old. She already introduced him to Starbucks and McDonalds. Now I have to ensure that she stays way way down on the list of people we would consider babysitting. There may not be wrong way to parent exactly and…

> She already introduced him to Starbucks and McDonalds. Now I have to ensure that she stays way way down on the list of people we would consider babysitting.

Relax. I occasionally ate fast food when I was 4, and I was definitely aware of the existence of McDonalds. I never had a weight problem in my life, and today I eat fast food maybe once every 3 months or so.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#162

Post by ajmadesc »

standardUser wrote: post #118
alistairSH wrote: post #29

Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…

"So many kids in my area have their days booked solid" Sounds like a wealthy thing, not a Western thing.

Queue the Doctor / Lawyer married couple with 2.5 kids who vacation twice a year, lease German cars, and have positive net worth crying about 'only being middle class'.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#163

Post by xyzzyz »

meowster wrote: post #91
jokethrowaway wrote: post #42

I wonder how much is caused by having both parents working. Kids were raised differently 50-70 years ago when one salary was enough for a family.

I wonder if salaries were more competitive because there were less workers? If the cultural norm was to only have one parent work, then it seems like the supply of workers essentially doubles* if both parents work, leading to less competitive wages. *not exactly, but essentially. Yes, not everyone is married etc.

The salaries were not more competitive than they are now. Families who raised children on one income back then quite simply expected and did with much less than single income families do today, not to mention with how much two income families make today.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#164

Post by concordDance »

lqet wrote: post #155
dlisboa wrote: post #87

Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child? You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (…

Fully agree. Parenting gets a lot easier as soon as you accept that you don't have any clue what you are doing. The child must be loved, fed, washed, and dressed. Everything else is improvisation. E: I remember sitting in antenatal class and mindful, well-educated parents asking stuff like the interval they should set their alarm clock to, so they know when to "correctly" feed their child. They read somewhere that a…

> dressed

You can probably even leave this one out!

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#165

Post by lqet »

concordDance wrote: post #164
lqet wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Fully agree. Parenting gets a lot easier as soon as you accept that you don't have any clue what you are doing. The child must be loved, fed, washed, and dressed. Everything else is improvisation. E: I remember sitting in antenatal class and mindful, well-educated parents asking stuff like the interval they should set their alarm clock to, so they know when to "correctly" feed their child. They read somewhere that a…

> dressed You can probably even leave this one out!

As soon as they turn 2, getting them dressed does indeed require extensive improvisation :)

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#166

Post by kube-system »

lqet wrote: post #161
A4ET8a8uTh0 wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is damage and there is damage. Some can really change kids trajectory. Some become a funny anecdote for the future. I am a newly minted parent and we had a visitation from a parent, who now has a 4 year old. She already introduced him to Starbucks and McDonalds. Now I have to ensure that she stays way way down on the list of people we would consider babysitting. There may not be wrong way to parent exactly and…

> She already introduced him to Starbucks and McDonalds. Now I have to ensure that she stays way way down on the list of people we would consider babysitting. Relax. I occasionally ate fast food when I was 4, and I was definitely aware of the existence of McDonalds. I never had a weight problem in my life, and today I eat fast food maybe once every 3 months or so.

I feel like we're probably not the only kids who ate Happy Meals.

Starbucks might be a different type of menu to navigate, but they do have child-appropriate items.

https://www.starbucks.com/menu/product/2121691/single

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#167

Post by asidiali »

newsbinator wrote: post #135
richardwhiuk wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes.

Could you please link to it?

Here’s one from about 3 seconds of Googling:

The importance of touch in development (2010)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2865952/

It’s not human exclusive, and it’s woven into our chemical makeup.

“In rats, the amount of maternal licking received as a pup has a profound impact on the behaviour and physiology of the adult.”

Feel free to continue the search to answer your own question.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#168

Post by slibhb »

kkwteh wrote: post #47

From the perspective of the Lindy principle it is weird. I have an eighteen-month old child and have been reading a lot about child rearing since my wife got pregnant. It’s taboo to say this, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I suspect that a lack of adult attention in the first three years of life is a principal factor in the rising autism rates we’re seeing in modern economies. This would explain why autism…

A simpler hypothesis is that "upper class people" are getting married later and having kids later. Higher parental age is associated with autism (among many other things).

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#169

Post by rayiner »

I wouldn't call it "weird" but there's certainly advantages and disadvantages. Bed sharing is one area where my wife (American) and I (Asian) have decided to do things the Asian way. By that, I mean I chose to do things the Asian way since I'm the nighttime parent. https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20210222-the-unusual-ways...

> Debmita Dutta, a doctor and parenting consultant in Bangalore, India, says that despite Western influences, bedsharing remains a strong tradition in India – even in households where children have their own rooms. "A family of four has three bedrooms, one each for each child and for the parents, and then you would find both the children in the parent's bed," she says. "It's that common."

> Bedsharing is one way to reduce the burden of babies waking up at night, says Dutta. Her own daughter had a rollout bed next to her parents' that she could sleep on until she was seven years old. "Even after she stopped breastfeeding, she still liked to sleep with us in the same room," she says.

I gave up on sleep training for precisely that reason. It's super easy for me to feed the baby a bottle and get it back to sleep without even really waking up. But sleep training involved multi-hour sessions in the middle of the night where my daughter would make herself puke, sometimes more than once in the same night, sometimes followed by dry-heaving in protest after her stomach was empty. After a bit she was able to sleep on a sofa-sleeper in our room, which she quickly vacated when our second was born (due to the crying at night). I didn't even try sleep training with our second--I felt so guilty leaving him alone in a crib, with him standing holding the bars like some sort of prisoner.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#170

Post by [deleted] »

A4ET8a8uTh0 wrote: post #132
PebblesRox wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree and I really dislike the undercurrent of fear that's present in a lot of parenting advice. The message (implicitly or explicitly) tends to be "do it this way or you'll damage your kids." But the truth is we're never going to be perfect parents, we have no guarantees over how our kids turn out, and there are a wide range of approaches that will lead to good outcomes. I like to do research to discover options I…

There is damage and there is damage. Some can really change kids trajectory. Some become a funny anecdote for the future. I am a newly minted parent and we had a visitation from a parent, who now has a 4 year old. She already introduced him to Starbucks and McDonalds. Now I have to ensure that she stays way way down on the list of people we would consider babysitting. There may not be wrong way to parent exactly and…

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