If it looks like it is going to be weird, I try to ask people if they are a hand-shaker or a hugger. I am cool with whatever makes them comfortable.
Slapping? Or is that weird?
Backslapping without a hug is definitely weird.
Hug vs. Handshake
151–160 of 167 posts
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#152Women wanted to be treated equally to the men in the workplace, so no hugs from me. Simple and straightforward.
This is silly logic. If you were really treating women equally to men, you wouldn't follow a "what's good for one is good for the other" policy. You'd accept that the norms and behaviors of each gender should be held in equal regard, and adapt your own behavior to the person or group of people you're talking with. Acknowledging, in other words, that women have as much right to be in the workplace as men, rather than…
I don't see gender-neutrality as terrible for the workplace, even if I am a hugger by default.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#153I generally don't mind being hugged (given adequate cleanliness of the hugger and absence of anything that could be considered creepy, e.g. lingering groin contact) but I prefer the two-handed handshake (the "full Clinton") as a way to express more warmth than a plain handshake and less um, intimacy than a hug.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#154In India always handshake never hug. I mean never hug unless she is very comfortable around you.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#155Earlier quoted context omitted.
I actually don't know how hard I'm shaking hands. I never go in strong, and I've never felt like a big guy, but I always find it really difficult to tell if I'm applying more strength than I think I am. Any time someone tries to crush my hand I instantly feel apprehensive of them, as you describe. But perhaps some of them don't actually realise how hard they're squeezing.
I know exactly what you mean. I bet you also feel awkward when you do try to apply enough strength, but the other person has a stronger than average handshake, which makes you wonder if your two hands would implode if you apply the same or more strength as the other person does.
Hah, that's exactly it. Whenever anyone applies more pressure than needed I normally just try to tense my hand, i.e. immovable object meeting the unstoppable force. I think that might prompt them to squeeze harder, though.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#156Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Act with confidence, and any potential awkwardness washes away... Please, no. Not everyone wants to hug you, not everyone wants to kiss you, not everyone wants to have sex with you. Default to no physical contact unless it is very clear that both parties are happy with that contact. Acting with confidence is simply pressuring the other party into agreeing.
> Please, no. Not everyone wants to hug you, not everyone wants to kiss you, not everyone wants to have sex with you. Default to no physical contact unless it is very clear that both parties are happy with that contact. Acting with confidence is simply pressuring the other party into agreeing. You're okay with handshakes? That's physical contact. It's not about what you or some other introvert wants to do. It's a que…
Firstly, the social norms in my circles are not to hug/kiss.
Secondly, isn’t one of the main points of the feminist movement to abolish ‘rape culture’ where it is the social norm to pressure people into intercourse against their will? So even if hugging/kissing was a social norm, that hardly says anything about its acceptability.
Thirdly, I don’t see much of a qualitative (rather than quantitative, in some sense) difference between hugging/kissing and sex – both are forms of intimate physical contact with a strong emotional component, as opposed to handshakes, which usually lack these emotions and require much less contact.
Fourthly, I don’t really mind being perceived as anti-social by those stubborn enough to force their superfluous, unhelpful and intruding habits onto others. Interesting people usually don’t do that.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#157Would you hug Hilary Clinton if you’ve met her on two or three different occasions? Of course not. And it’s the same for the female CEO of a major bank. So then, why would you hug a female work associate that you’ve only met twice? Answer: you don’t hug Mrs. Clinton or the female CEO because you respect them too much. Now, notice that this is how men treat ALL males. http://danielmiessler.com/blog/on-hugs-vs-handshak…
I think much of the reason why it's "normal" for men to greet women with hugs and men with handshakes isn't about disrespecting women. I expect it's really about not seeming gay. In my personal experience, much of male society is suspicious of physical intimacy between men, and treats it with homophobia. That, I expect, puts a social pressure on men not to hug each other, and that is how our norms have evolved. As other people point out, in a lot of other cultures men do hug other men (for example, I hug other men).
Certainly, you can't accuse Shane Snow of trying to push an agenda that supports the notion of men being cool and composed. He is super awkward and he knows it.
Also, the notion that hugging too much cheapens hugging is a bit silly. It's very easy to express genuine warmth and emotion in an embrace. It doesn't matter how many other people you've hugged, or how indifferent you were at the time. Your friends aren't going to see you hug other people and think "oh, man, he'll hug anyone, maybe that means I'm not special".
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#158Earlier quoted context omitted.
There's also culture. Among my friends, I have to keep straight whether they expect 0, 1, 2, or 3 kisses on the cheek.
You can always ask in advance, making it nonchalant :) "1 kiss, right?", that at least will be a nice ice-breaker that will minimize awkwardness
Really? That's your minimal solution for awkwardness?
Ice-breakers should be fun or interesting conversation starters, they shouldn't be you calling attention to how awkward you are. Just learn follow the other person's cues. If you must do it, the excessive-honesty-in-order-to-elicit-sympathy tactic can be saved as a back up plan for when you make mistakes.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#159When I run into a male acquaintance, I know exactly how to greet him: shake his hand. Doesn’t matter how long we’ve known each other. I even shake my dad’s hand. Maybe I'm too friendly or completely oblivious to how socially awkward and creepy I am, but I hug many of my close male friends, even though I am a 'cisgendered heterosexual male.' In a way I am saddened that the author is not on 'hugging terms' with is own…
Yeah, I hug loads of my male friends too, and, like you, it's all about following their cues (and providing your own). Interestingly, my Dad isn't comfortable with hugging men at all, so I don't force him into it. What I find works really well with him is the handshake + shoulder pat + hold. It's basically half a hug, but he's okay with it. Maybe the author of the blog post should try that.
Re: Hug vs. Handshake
#160Would you hug Hilary Clinton if you’ve met her on two or three different occasions? Of course not. And it’s the same for the female CEO of a major bank. So then, why would you hug a female work associate that you’ve only met twice? Answer: you don’t hug Mrs. Clinton or the female CEO because you respect them too much. Now, notice that this is how men treat ALL males. http://danielmiessler.com/blog/on-hugs-vs-handshak…
In our friend circle, even with newer friends, we all hug… men, women, everybody hugs each other. It's nice.
When in doubt, I say "Hey… do we hug?" with a smile before saying hello or goodbye. It works.