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I love you, dad

notch.tumblr.com

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Re: I love you, dad

#151

Post by nollidge »

edw519 wrote: post #45

Notch, if you're reading this, my deepest sympathy. I understand the devastation of losing a parent; I lost my mother about a year ago. I'm still not "back to normal" and don't know if I ever will be. I used to do art, music, and comedy, and even practiced my religion, often just for her. I loved to make her laugh and it was so easy to make her proud. In the past year, I have done none of that stuff and don't know wh…

There's no such thing as "back to normal" after trauma. You just settle into a new normal.

Re: I love you, dad

#153

Post by speeder »

baconner wrote: post #103
speeder wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know lots of self-centered people that are parents. What I mean is that it is hard to find women that actually WANT to live a life of sacrifice, living for the family, instead of living to themselves. I've met some women that when I ask if they want to be mother they say: "Oh, sure!" And then I ask: "So, when you have your 4 months old kid, you will stay at home to take care of it if your husband is rich enough for…

And what would you answer to the same question? "So, when you have your 4 months old kid, you will stay at home to take care of it if your wife is rich enough for that?"

I don't have breasts.

There are boatloads of research that shows that children younger than 1 year really need contact with the mother ( even if adoptive ), breastfeeding, and simple body contact ( among other things ) are part of various processes, mostly related to hormones.

It is great selfishness to hurt a child by not allowing it intense and almost constant contact with the mother ( not the father )

Working is not fun, I don't work for power, fun, or greed, but because I need to, I have to feed the family while the mother is busy being mother.

We have no technology yet that allows for women to not be mothers.

Re: I love you, dad

#154

Post by ScottBurson »

speeder wrote: post #153
baconner wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And what would you answer to the same question? "So, when you have your 4 months old kid, you will stay at home to take care of it if your wife is rich enough for that?"

I don't have breasts. There are boatloads of research that shows that children younger than 1 year really need contact with the mother ( even if adoptive ), breastfeeding, and simple body contact ( among other things ) are part of various processes, mostly related to hormones. It is great selfishness to hurt a child by not allowing it intense and almost constant contact with the mother ( not the father ) Working is n…

Body contact is indeed important, but you are mistaken that it must always be with the mother. Parents can share every childraising activity except breastfeeding -- and it's not necessary that children be strictly breastfed.

It seems you have grown up believing that family is about sacrifice. I think this is sad. Having a family takes work, certainly, but it should be a joy, not a burden.

Re: I love you, dad

#155

Post by rdl »

Even though I think drugs should be decriminalized or legalized, it's clear there needs to be a lot of effort put into helping people who have problems with them (including alcohol).

If you add up all the years of life destroyed by drug addiction, and all the external harms, spending all the money we currently spend on prohibition on treatment would be a bargain.

Re: I love you, dad

#157

Post by speeder »

ScottBurson wrote: post #154
speeder wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't have breasts. There are boatloads of research that shows that children younger than 1 year really need contact with the mother ( even if adoptive ), breastfeeding, and simple body contact ( among other things ) are part of various processes, mostly related to hormones. It is great selfishness to hurt a child by not allowing it intense and almost constant contact with the mother ( not the father ) Working is n…

Body contact is indeed important, but you are mistaken that it must always be with the mother. Parents can share every childraising activity except breastfeeding -- and it's not necessary that children be strictly breastfed. It seems you have grown up believing that family is about sacrifice. I think this is sad. Having a family takes work, certainly, but it should be a joy, not a burden.

And when I said it is not a joy?

Yes, it is sacrifice and hard work.

But it is rewarding.

Also, the contact with the mother is really important, later if I get access to a pc with keyboard I dump some data.

( how I hate virtual keyboard, even more on this tiny phone screen )

Re: I love you, dad

#159

Post by Klinky »

jacoblyles wrote: post #119
Klinky wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My mother's father was alcoholic, my father was alcoholic. These issues had nothing to do with the availability of divorce. I highly doubt it would have assisted my mother or I if my grandmother and my mother were not allowed to divorce. It is apples and oranges to compare today's society with the societies of past, and not so easy to arrive at solid conclusions regarding the impacts and costs of changes in social va…

I'm sorry for your personal difficulties, but I try not to base my personal worldview on anecdotes. I agree with you that these are difficult issues with large accounts on both sides of the ledger. In fact, that is kind of my point.

I do not believe that was your point at all. Your post suggested quite the opposite. To me it read as though you think people are ignoring the impact easy divorce has on children because of ideological reasons.

The same could be said of people who think marriage means a happy and stable home life.

Re: I love you, dad

#160

Post by at-fates-hands »

diego wrote: post #73
jbail wrote: post #6

That gave me chills. I'm constantly impressed by people that have the ability to share their personal life with the world in an honest way that reveals the vulnerabilities we all share as humans. It is so much more refreshing than the opposite, where we pretend our lives are perfect and we never experience moments of doubt or melancholy. It is rare to see someone make a post like this. This is precisely what makes it…

You may be interested in my post from yesterday. http://longposts.com/1990082

My aunt went through the same situation. She became clinically depressed for several years after going through the IVF process several times. She was on medication and had completely withdrawn from life. It wasn't until they decided instead to adopt a child from Korea that she changed, almost overnight.

After the successful adoption, my aunt completely changed. All she ever wanted was a family and to raise children. Adopting their son from Korea inspired her again. She got off medication and returned to her fun, outgoing self. It was an amazing transformation. They wee both in their mid forties when they decided to adopt.

I'm so sorry for your lose, but please, don't get discouraged and give up on having a family. Consider adoption. There are so many different kinds of adoption available these days and there are so many children in need of good loving families like yours.

If you need more information, DM me and I can go in more detail about their experience.

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