The solution to social anxiety suggested in the article boils down to "just stop being anxious".
I'm glad for people who don't struggle with this, I just wish they would be more empathetic.
How to talk to anyone and why you should
151–160 of 584 posts
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#152It is sad how so many tech people try to avoid every form of social contact and even try to build a society around it (just look at meta)
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#153or how to get labeled as a creep by every women joke or not (actually not) but read some women spaces and it's obviously a lot of people, especially women, just want to be let alone. Don't start talking with random people unless they start talking to you and it's consensual, simple as that.
It's only creepy if you are a creep.
That's exactly right, you've got to be an unmistakable gentleman, which is just the opposite.
As everybody knows that's still often not enough, but why shoot yourself in the foot when you're trying to put your best foot forward?
I'll never forget the day some sophisticated gentlemen came to my school and introduced one of their big hit songs that night.
How there's 5 little words so many single women love to hear, "Hey Girl, What's Your Name?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09w6_q0Chxk
If you look at the lyrics it is a bit straightforward for the 21st century, I think the best approach now is to compress it to only 4 words, "Hi, What's Your Name?".
Even that can be a bit much in the wrong situation, so it can be good to seek out the opposite type of situation :)
You might keep that on your mind but from there let things try to imply the rest of the lyrics, especially the part that goes "Can I Be Your Friend?"
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#154Earlier quoted context omitted.
I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?
Would you be bothered if a stranger struck up a nice conversation with you? Most people like it! And even if they don’t, that’s ok, trust people to tell you their boundaries and respect them when they do. Nothing wrong with bothering someone if they tell you or send a strong signal and you respect it.
> Would you be bothered if a stranger struck up a nice conversation with you?
Yes. If I am basically anywhere there are other people, I am there for a specific reason, and anyone trying to talk to me for anything else is bothering me. I've found that most people that try to start conversations with strangers are really poor at reading signals that their actions are unwanted and they only stop when you say something so out of their comfort zone they have no idea how to handle it. They just can't understand that people wouldn't want to talk to them.
And after this article and thread, we can add I don't want to be your practice dummy to the reasons you're bothering me.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#155My problem is that most people have very little to add to my life.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#156Earlier quoted context omitted.
As the article says, you just take the risk. Maybe you will bother the person. It’s okay, you’ll be able to quickly tell if you do, and you just gracefully back away and go on with your day. It’ll probably happen much less than you think.
I concur. And would just add two points: (1) Make it that you’re not asking for anything / don’t open with something that could be perceived as a setup to asking for money, or pushing a religion. :) 2) be sensitive to social cues or that they want to be left alone, like terse answers or shifting their attention away from you
I’ve found it can be helpful to shift your own attention after someone answers you, but not to a phone (which just makes you look like you’re communicating with someone else).
Look at a flyer on the wall, or your beverage if you’re in a bar, and they’ll follow up if they want to talk and appreciate the reduced pressure either way.
And yeah, never open a conversation with something like “can I ask you a question?” which is usually a trick of a salesperson or beggar to make you acknowledge them and start saying yes.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#157Earlier quoted context omitted.
+1 In any major city it's probably 90% chance they're either a crook trying to scam you out of something or mentally not quite right. The remaining 10% will be tourists or people from outside of the major city.
You're confusing "asking people for something" with "talking to people." Nobody wants randos coming up to them and asking for something. Most people would be less lonely if everyone had more practice at making non-transactional conversation. Actively avoiding conversation still qualifies as "weirdo" behavior to most people.
"Someday - and that day may never come" - they will be asking for something. Now you are on talking terms and it will be harder to refuse the ask, compared to the request of a complete stranger.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#158Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#159Glad to see this here. Age-wise I'm in the oldest 10% of users here, maybe 5%. I have noticed over the years the eroding of the ability of young people (20s basically) to interact in what I consider normal social situations.
Talking to your fellow humans in all sorts of situations is how you can form actual knowledge within yourself derived from direct observation. Everything else is a filter and synthesis. How can you know "reality" if you don't interact with it directly?
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#160If anyone doesn't know where to start - start in places you're stuck next to people. Like in line to check out at the grocery store. I have struck up dozens of conversations looking at the belt and guessing what they're making for dinner. People who like to cook love to talk about cooking.