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Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

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Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#151

Post by hashmush »

tyleo wrote: post #147

We use a joint account and joint credit cards for most things. We each take a $250 monthly allowance to personal accounts. Most of our personal purchases still come from the joint account but every once in awhile you want something big without running it past the other person or you want to buy a gift for them and need the privacy. We budget and pay off our credit cards every week. This arrangement works well for us.…

Our situation is the same. I think it works well because we are both quite restrictive by nature, so whenever one of us wants to buy something the other often encourages them.

Not sure how it would work with a couple that tends to spend more each month or a situation where one has an expensive hobby and the other doesn't.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#152

Post by scarface_74 »

prepend wrote: post #112
theresistor wrote: post #23

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/he…

I think it’s great to have a healthy relationship with trust. What if I told you that there was a strategy that had a 50% risk of what you think is trust is actually deceit. And that having separate finances helps immensely in the situation where this risk is realized. I have friends who were comfortable and thought all was well for years or even decades. Then it wasn’t. And having commingled finances was unpleasant…

Separate checking accounts mean absolutely nothing during a divorce. It’s all considered marital property and is split. That along with “your” retirement savings, physical property etc.

If my wife and I got divorced, our joint checking accounts is the least of my complications.

I’ve got retirement accounts and two properties (our former primary home that’s rented out and our vacation property) and since we agreed for her to stop working in 2020, I would end up paying alimony.

I did get a divorce before when I had three properties and a 401K. Luckily none of the houses had any equity of note and I was a simple matter of giving my ex cash out of my 401K (a QDRO)

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#153

Post by hashmush »

scarface_74 wrote: post #83
civilized wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you under the impression that joint accounts require both partners to consent to a transaction?

It does just for logistics. If we have $1000 in our joint account and we both spend $600 without talking to the other, it’s going to overdraft. On the other hand, if we both have our “own” account even if they are really joint accounts, that’s not a problem. My wife doesn’t work now. I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on - and to make her whole once I “retired” her. She has access…

How does this work? You have $1000, spend $600. You now have $400. How does the bank allow an overdraft here? Why isn't the transaction rejected?

I guess this is a debit vs credit card thing?

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#154

Post by em-bee »

austhrow743 wrote: post #134
em-bee wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

split finances doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves nor does it create them. my wife and i have separate bank accounts but we don't have a trust issue. payments are made by whoever is doing it from their account. if an account is low on money we just move some without any regards as to whose money it is or who earned it.

That doesn't sound like split finances. You're just using multiple bank accounts.

fair point. maybe split income and shared expenses. i don't know. other people here seem to consider any form of a personal account to be split finances. my personal expenses usually come from my account and hers come from her account. so in practice it's hard to tell the difference. what is different is the attitude towards money.

that said, i made sure that my personal expenses were covered by my own income. my wife used to earn more than me so she covered the main living expenses and i contributed a bit. but when i replaced my broken camera or my old computer, it all came from my account. i didn't even discuss those significant expenses with her because they were needed anyways, and not getting them was not an option. i would have had to discuss it if i didn't have enough money myself but urgently needed it (though in those two cases i would have waited until i saved up enough).

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#156

Post by em-bee »

prepend wrote: post #112
theresistor wrote: post #23

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/he…

I think it’s great to have a healthy relationship with trust. What if I told you that there was a strategy that had a 50% risk of what you think is trust is actually deceit. And that having separate finances helps immensely in the situation where this risk is realized. I have friends who were comfortable and thought all was well for years or even decades. Then it wasn’t. And having commingled finances was unpleasant…

What if I told you that there was a strategy that had a 50% risk of what you think is trust is actually deceit

can you explain that please? or give an example. i don't understand what you are trying to say here.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#158

Post by balderdash »

DiggyJohnson wrote: post #113
balderdash wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don’t you meant more like $80k a year?

$80k/yr wouldn’t now be enough for each spouse to contribute $5k a month, unless I’m misreading and GP meant a cumulative value of both partners combined.

Sorry, you’re saying that a salary of $150k ($12.5k/mo) works out out to only $5k/mo in take home pay? How does that math work?

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#159

Post by scarface_74 »

hashmush wrote: post #153
scarface_74 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It does just for logistics. If we have $1000 in our joint account and we both spend $600 without talking to the other, it’s going to overdraft. On the other hand, if we both have our “own” account even if they are really joint accounts, that’s not a problem. My wife doesn’t work now. I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on - and to make her whole once I “retired” her. She has access…

How does this work? You have $1000, spend $600. You now have $400. How does the bank allow an overdraft here? Why isn't the transaction rejected? I guess this is a debit vs credit card thing?

You can have your bank account set to allow overdrafts or reject them.

But even then, it works different if you’re using it at a point of sale with your debit card and a scheduled payment that doesn’t immediately show up as pending.

It’s just a hassle that can easily be avoided by separate joint accounts.

Of course we have a small savings account that takes care overdrafts automatically (with a $12 fee).

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#160

Post by jncfhnb »

em-bee wrote: post #144
jncfhnb wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That’s not an excuse to let things boil up without talking about it. If you fundamentally cannot communicate with someone you should not get married

that is not fair. it is easy to say, but sometimes very hard to do. things like these are not always predictable, and especially money handling often doesn't even come up as an issue until after you are married for some time.

But this is not only predictable but acknowledged. It’s not ideal to fail to communicate and not realize it. It’s not ok to identify as someone who just doesn’t communicate and bottles up their emotions until they’re problematic.

It might not be easy. But to do otherwise is a recipe for failure. And we’d be dumb to not acknowledge that. You shouldn’t marry someone you’re not comfortable talking to About difficult things. That’s like the whole point of having a trusted partner.

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