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Hug vs. Handshake

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Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#141

Post by DanBC »

melvinmt wrote: post #43
JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

Weird, I have the complete opposite: I have a slight feeling of distrust when somebody gives me a weak hand.

I know someone with Asperger's who cannot shake hands - he keeps his hand stiff but flat, and kind of slaps it against yours while your arms move up and down.

It's odd.

I also know other people with very limp handshakes. I don't mistrust them, but I do think it's weird.

But what I hate are the ALPHA handshakes. Not just firm, but too much squeezing, and trying to turn so their hand is on top. It's calculating and manipulative and just weird. I never know whether to just let them do it; or to let them do it and then turn it when they're lulled into a false sense of security; or whether my entire handshake with them should be a battle of twisting and turning.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#144

Post by lxt »

Generally speaking, if it's business, no hugging, unless the person is also a good friend. If someone I had met exactly once before decided to hug me the second time, and it was in a work context, I would put them solidly in the creeper bucket. Sorry.

(Demographic disclaimer: I am a woman and an engineering manager. Also Australian which I think means I have a slightly bigger personal space than the average American.)

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#145

Post by wtbob »

Easy: shake hands, always. Hugging is for close family.

I suspect that if someone I were in business with tried to hug me, we'd not be in business for very much longer.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#147

Post by newman314 »

patrickmay wrote: post #118
imsofuture wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hugs are sexual harassment. That's just not true. A hug could be sexual harassment, but so could a really dirty handshake. Let's not live in a world where we're scared of normal interaction.

I now have a strong desire to shake your hand.

Twice.

Sorry. You just made me laugh out loud.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#148

Post by ceautery »

Several years back I was in a meeting with a very extroverted Italian man, well known to the group and a VP of something or other. He was handing out awards of some sort, and doing the extroverted Italian huggy thing. It was endearing, and most of the women were game, except one towards the end who was nervous about it. The VP read her body language and adjusted to handshake and a happy apology with contrite head bobbing and hand waving.

I was next, and on a whim called out "I'll hug you, Joe," and did so with gusto, to much laughter from the room. It was shocking, as I'm the guy who does nothing with anyone. No handshake, no hug, just radiating a pleasant uncomfortableness.

There are only two people I habitually hug, though, my wife and my father-in-law; the latter being much less awkward than my use of a semicolon. He's the Kramer to my Soup Nazi, and we get along famously for no apparent reason (aside from a common interest in his daughter's welfare, that is).

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#149

Post by illuminate »

claudius wrote: post #33
praptak wrote: post #14

Isn't the social norm[1] to wait for a woman to initiate the handshake? The norm doesn't specify the timeout but to me it comes naturally to just nod and say hello after the "moment"[2] I am convinced the timeout happened. [1] It certainly is in Poland and I am fairly convinced about Western Europe too [2] About one and a half igniseconds [3] [3] www.unwords.com/unword/ignisecond.html‎

The social norm for Berlin would be for the higher-up to initiate the handshake, regardless of gender. This is especially true on first introduction, otherwise, the arriving person usually offers their hand first.

Fascinating, I tend to offer first to avoid the awkward lull of waiting to see who would otherwise, I rarely ponder how that would be taken.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#150

Post by illuminate »

Tangaroa wrote: post #86

Hugs are sexual harassment. Any unrequested contact with the opposite sex is cause for immediate termination (or expulsion if you're still in school) and may lead to criminal charges. Different cultures are different, but this is the standard drill repeated from elementary school onward through workplace policies in my part of the US. People routinely ignore it without punishment, but it's there hanging over the head…

Never visit Miami. Hugs AND kisses are routine (and contextually appropriate.)
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