Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Hug vs. Handshake

medium.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

31–40 of 167 posts

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#31

Post by AhtiK »

Most of the time even a handshake can be too much.

Reminds me a post from David Cohen [1] who pointed to Brad Feld on the same topic [2].

Time to wake up that bro courage and start fist-bumping people ;)

With hugging there's always also the dilemma of whether to pat a few times or just a strong hug, so the CPU cycles just drive me mad.

[1] http://www.davidgcohen.com/2012/11/20/not-shaking-hands/

[2] http://www.feld.com/wp/archives/2009/01/im-done-with-handsha...

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#32

Post by Cieplak »

I think the decision to hug or shake depends more on the body language in the context of the situation, than it does on the nature of a given relationship. Even if someone is not an investor or manager, it would not be appropriate to hug him or her if their body language was closed off.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#33

Post by claudius »

praptak wrote: post #14

Isn't the social norm[1] to wait for a woman to initiate the handshake? The norm doesn't specify the timeout but to me it comes naturally to just nod and say hello after the "moment"[2] I am convinced the timeout happened. [1] It certainly is in Poland and I am fairly convinced about Western Europe too [2] About one and a half igniseconds [3] [3] www.unwords.com/unword/ignisecond.html‎

The social norm for Berlin would be for the higher-up to initiate the handshake, regardless of gender. This is especially true on first introduction, otherwise, the arriving person usually offers their hand first.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#34

Post by JonnieCache »

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy.

I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion.

EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the problem of trying to negotiate on the fly which of the various intricate hiphop style handshakes we're executing. Those were the days...

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#35

Post by mimiflynn »

If any business is involved, then stick with handshakes.

I've been in a situation where my girlfriend's friends do neither: they do the air cheek kiss thing. Its really confusing because I'm never sure if they are coming in for a hug or an air cheek kiss. Its hard to try to 'take charge' and initiate something otherwise because I start to feel like I'm about to be rude by doing something different and get more awkward.

Its nice to know I'm not the only one with this kind of issue.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#36

Post by prawn » 

  Male friends or business contacts = handshake.
  Female on first contact or in any business context = handshake.
  Female acquaintance I don't know particularly well = smile and Hi before there's any ambiguity.
  Female friend or reasonable acquaintance (e.g., wife's friend) = kiss on the cheek (each side with female relatives).
Are the hugs being discussed in this thread actual hugs? Or going in close as though to kiss on the cheek, but not actually touching cheeks? Or more like the way male athletes embrace each other?

If you act awkwardly or second-guess, it'll be awkward. If you end up in one of those weird situations where you half handshake and half kiss or confuse kissing sides and somehow brush lips, just laugh it off. "Well, I screwed that up!"

(I'm in Australia.)

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#37

Post by Millennium »

praptak wrote: post #14

Isn't the social norm[1] to wait for a woman to initiate the handshake? The norm doesn't specify the timeout but to me it comes naturally to just nod and say hello after the "moment"[2] I am convinced the timeout happened. [1] It certainly is in Poland and I am fairly convinced about Western Europe too [2] About one and a half igniseconds [3] [3] www.unwords.com/unword/ignisecond.html‎

I don't know if it's precisely the social norm in the US, but I've found that it works extremely well.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#38

Post by corin_ »

peterwwillis wrote: post #17

Do not hug someone without asking first. Also, don't do the open-arms-moving-in-and-then-asking-for-a-hug. People who might feel uncomfortable hugging you now feel socially forced to. Ask the first time, and ask if you can hug them again in the future. If you're really feeling awkward, start out with a hand wave as you approach the person... either they'll wave back, or try to initiate a handshake/hug with you. Eithe…

In the UK (or at least among people I know, both personally and in work circles), asking if you can hug someone would be just about the most awkward thing you can do.

I don't really have any advice on a better answer, for me it just... feels natural. For both work and personal, both men and women, there are some who I'd hug, some a kiss on the cheek (women only for this one - except a few people in France/Belgium I work with), others whose hand I'd shake every time I see them and others who I'd just greet verbally. Same with female. Never stopped to think about it, or discussed it, just happens.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#39

Post by edcastro »

It all depends on the country of origin of the person you are dealing with. In Brazil, for example, is very common to both handshake and give a cheek kiss on women after the first meeting, even if in a formal environment.
Post reply on HN