Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to Pick a Mate (1946)

gutenberg.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

141–150 of 155 posts

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#141

Post by science4sail »

flir wrote: post #115
xethos wrote: post #25

> More than ten per cent of the eligible men today won’t marry, but that will largely be due to the fact that they prefer to remain bachelors. I'm sure that's the full story on why they won't marry, 1940's era author ;)

I think that might be what the 1940s author is saying. (See: "confirmed bachelor")

Yeah, they definitely allude to it: "Other young people—both male and female—were separated so long from contact with the opposite sex that they developed—or feared they had developed—unnatural feelings toward members of the same sex; or thought they lost the knack of making themselves seem attractive to girls or men, whichever the opposite may be."

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#142

Post by science4sail »

Xeoncross wrote: post #3

> There are still other people who don’t marry because they lack a decent opportunity. Girls who choose nursing as a career, for example, cut their marriage prospects at least fifty per cent. It is much the same for librarians and social workers. In fact a girl can reduce her chances of marriage merely by going to a girls’ college. you have been warned /s

> How Is Your Job Affecting Your Prospects? People tend to marry mates who live conveniently near and who have similar interests. (About a fifth of all married couples meet each other at work.) A school teacher, for example, is much more likely to know school teachers of the opposite sex than to know physicians of the opposite sex. Yet many occupations are such that far more of one sex enter them than is true of the other. For example, there are normally nearly five women teachers to one man teacher; seven or eight feminine librarians to one male librarian; some twenty-five or thirty women in nursing to each man in somewhat similar work. Is it any wonder that the rate of marriage among school teachers, librarians and among nurses is much lower than average? Girls who choose[31] nursing for a career cut their marriage prospects by at least 50 percent.

Sounds like engineering

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#143

Post by judge2020 »

ForestCritter wrote: post #122
kelipso wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You work in the military though, so not exactly the same culture as the average white collar worker.

When it comes to retail and factories, singles are much less reliable than parents. From my e xperience at least.

For white collar it's probably a different story. These are people the book mentions, bachelors or married couples choosing not to have kids for 'selfish' reasons. They have the money to thrive and experience as much personal pleasure as they want, be it in consumerism or plain free time, and don't want children to take away from that. But for retail workers, If one day doesn't break the bank (due to their low income already disqualifying them from taking on too much of a debt obligation), and a day working retail is another day of pure agony, they're more likely to take the hit by calling out sick or not showing up to instead do the things they want to do.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#144

Post by sacnoradhq »

The most optimal situation to pick a mate is during college, undergrad or grad school. This other institution has been eroding because of the lack of men going to college and excessive tuition costs, i.e., debt, for all reducing the net economic incentive that it once was.

The questions they must eventually answer in the affirmative are:

1. Do you trust them implicitly with your life and everything else?

2. Are you better with them than apart?

The irreducible problem is: very few people today can or would meet this standard. There aren't that many good, decent, mature, reliable people who are also available and mutually attracted. There are millions of cowardly narcissists working on their sun tans, personal brands, and increasing numbers of people they've slept with without knowing anything about them because they're too afraid to have emotional courage.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#145

Post by friend_and_foe »

Veraticus wrote: post #14
drno123 wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interestingly that today we laugh at the fact that there is a book helping people how to make one of the most important decisions in their life. It is normal to have books about how to cook food, how to travel, how to exercise. But God forbid there should be a book on how to select a good marriage partner.

Wait, isn't there still a huge industry of self-help books focused on relationships and romance?

Sure, for women. But to tell a man to be selective when searching for a female partner, and to give him criteria and heuristics to help him select are labeled as sexist. After all, every woman has worth, a woman can never be told that she has to do any self reflection to find a quality man, we can't be allowed to admit that some women are undesirable just like some men are.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#146

Post by Veraticus »

friend_and_foe wrote: post #145
Veraticus wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wait, isn't there still a huge industry of self-help books focused on relationships and romance?

Sure, for women. But to tell a man to be selective when searching for a female partner, and to give him criteria and heuristics to help him select are labeled as sexist. After all, every woman has worth, a woman can never be told that she has to do any self reflection to find a quality man, we can't be allowed to admit that some women are undesirable just like some men are.

Yikes, it sounds like you have something you need to work on.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#147

Post by mock-possum »

igotstandards wrote: post #19
coding123 wrote: post #11

I thought this was interesting: People Who Should Not Marry at All Qualifications for Marriage Percentage Voting for Them Freedom from venereal disease 100% Freedom from feeble-mindedness (If sterilized, 24% would permit marriage) 99% Freedom from insanity 97% Freedom from criminality 94% Freedom from dipsomania 91% Freedom from drug addiction 85% Freedom from neuroticism 76% Proof by groom that he can support bride…

Reminds me of: https://igotstandardsbro.com/ Similarly: https://realitycalc.com/

According to that first one I only had a 4% chance of meeting my boyfriend, so that’s interesting. 4% actually seems pretty doable regardless, not sure I really deserve the ‘cat lady’ rating - go on a hundred dates, and you should at least run across a few solid possibilities.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#148

Post by JoeAltmaier »

matheusmoreira wrote: post #127
JoeAltmaier wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

More alarmist hyperbole. I know of several Japanese families in my hometown, come here to study, and they are doing fine.

So what? My hometown was literally built by the japanese. My parents worked with japanese their entire lives. Sometimes I go to a restaurant and I hear people speaking japanese nearby. They're all doing fine too. Doesn't change the fact birth rates in Japan are below replacement. Am I missing something here?

Extinction means more than 'below replacement'. Things change; culture changes. It's the lowering population figures that will require change that the octogenarians fear, not actual non-existence of a Japanese people. All the rest of this thread has been disingenuous hyperbole based on that.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#149

Post by Quinzel »

friend_and_foe wrote: post #145
Veraticus wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wait, isn't there still a huge industry of self-help books focused on relationships and romance?

Sure, for women. But to tell a man to be selective when searching for a female partner, and to give him criteria and heuristics to help him select are labeled as sexist. After all, every woman has worth, a woman can never be told that she has to do any self reflection to find a quality man, we can't be allowed to admit that some women are undesirable just like some men are.

Are you serious? Do you seriously believe what you wrote? Why do you think that? What’s the source of your discontent?

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#150

Post by friend_and_foe »

Quinzel wrote: post #149
friend_and_foe wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure, for women. But to tell a man to be selective when searching for a female partner, and to give him criteria and heuristics to help him select are labeled as sexist. After all, every woman has worth, a woman can never be told that she has to do any self reflection to find a quality man, we can't be allowed to admit that some women are undesirable just like some men are.

Are you serious? Do you seriously believe what you wrote? Why do you think that? What’s the source of your discontent?

What in particular do you have an issue with? I'd be happy to discuss our particular disagreements on this topic.

I happen to be very content actually. My wife agrees with me wholeheartedly on everything I said here, and we are both very happy with one another.

Post reply on HN