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How to Pick a Mate (1946)

gutenberg.org

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Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#11

Post by coding123 »

I thought this was interesting:

    People Who Should Not Marry at All

    Qualifications for Marriage   Percentage Voting for Them
    Freedom from venereal disease  100%
    Freedom from feeble-mindedness
    (If sterilized, 24% would permit marriage)  99%
    Freedom from insanity  97%
    Freedom from criminality  94%
    Freedom from dipsomania  91%
    Freedom from drug addiction  85%
    Freedom from neuroticism  76%
    Proof by groom that he can support bride
    (This includes evidence of occupational proficiency
    and at least $150 in savings)  69%
    Record of no more than one divorce, if any  50%

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#12

Post by langitbiru »

drno123 wrote: post #4
Quinzel wrote: post #2

This made me laugh a lot. Thank you for sharing.

Interestingly that today we laugh at the fact that there is a book helping people how to make one of the most important decisions in their life. It is normal to have books about how to cook food, how to travel, how to exercise. But God forbid there should be a book on how to select a good marriage partner.

Because picking a good marriage partner is ableist. That's why it's controversial.

For example, people prefer good looking people as marriage partners. That makes people who are not good looking sad. And you can imagine for other traits like income, age, height, social status.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#13

Post by revscat »

lukas099 wrote: post #7
Xeoncross wrote: post #3

> There are still other people who don’t marry because they lack a decent opportunity. Girls who choose nursing as a career, for example, cut their marriage prospects at least fifty per cent. It is much the same for librarians and social workers. In fact a girl can reduce her chances of marriage merely by going to a girls’ college. you have been warned /s

You don't think this is true?

Judging by how you feel it necessary to even ask such a ridiculous question, I strongly doubt you would accept any answer but that which supports your anachronistic views.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#14

Post by Veraticus »

drno123 wrote: post #4
Quinzel wrote: post #2

This made me laugh a lot. Thank you for sharing.

Interestingly that today we laugh at the fact that there is a book helping people how to make one of the most important decisions in their life. It is normal to have books about how to cook food, how to travel, how to exercise. But God forbid there should be a book on how to select a good marriage partner.

Wait, isn't there still a huge industry of self-help books focused on relationships and romance?

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#15

Post by the_sleaze9 »

langitbiru wrote: post #12
drno123 wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interestingly that today we laugh at the fact that there is a book helping people how to make one of the most important decisions in their life. It is normal to have books about how to cook food, how to travel, how to exercise. But God forbid there should be a book on how to select a good marriage partner.

Because picking a good marriage partner is ableist. That's why it's controversial. For example, people prefer good looking people as marriage partners. That makes people who are not good looking sad. And you can imagine for other traits like income, age, height, social status.

What a time to be able to read.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#16

Post by aaronscott »

I was curious for a summary of what the book suggested. Here is Kagi’s summarizer:

- Emotional maturity and stability are key traits for a happy marriage. People who are well-adjusted, have good self-confidence, and can handle problems well tend to have more successful marriages.

- Communication and companionship are vital for a happy marriage. Couples need to develop a strong bond through sharing interests, aspirations, and conversations.

- Compatibility and similar traits between partners promote marital happiness. Couples who have similar personalities, backgrounds, and interests tend to get along better.

- Sexual satisfaction and intimacy are important for a fulfilling marriage. Couples need to develop a good sexual relationship and intimacy to avoid infidelity and build closeness.

- Mutual understanding, trust, and respect are crucial for a lasting marriage. Partners need to be considerate of each other's needs, supportive, and willing to compromise.

- Shared goals and values help strengthen a marriage. Couples who have common life goals and moral values tend to be more content in their relationships.

- Financial stability and compatibility aid marital happiness. Couples who manage their finances well and agree on spending habits tend to have fewer conflicts.

- Physical and mental health issues can strain a marriage. Conditions like addiction, mental illness, and disabilities require effort and understanding from both partners.

- Similar family backgrounds promote marital success. Children of happily married parents tend to have more successful marriages themselves.

- Premarital counseling can help resolve issues before marriage. Seeking advice from professionals and discussing expectations can prepare couples for the challenges of married life.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#17

Post by irrational »

Xeoncross wrote: post #3

> There are still other people who don’t marry because they lack a decent opportunity. Girls who choose nursing as a career, for example, cut their marriage prospects at least fifty per cent. It is much the same for librarians and social workers. In fact a girl can reduce her chances of marriage merely by going to a girls’ college. you have been warned /s

Well, I did meet my wife in college. If she had gone to a girls’ college (which I assume means girls-only, do they even still have those?) then I wouldn’t have met her. Frankly, that probably would not have reduced her chances of marriage, but I think it would have reduced mine ;-)

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#18

Post by vorpalhex »

drno123 wrote: post #4
Quinzel wrote: post #2

This made me laugh a lot. Thank you for sharing.

Interestingly that today we laugh at the fact that there is a book helping people how to make one of the most important decisions in their life. It is normal to have books about how to cook food, how to travel, how to exercise. But God forbid there should be a book on how to select a good marriage partner.

No no, you'll just see someone and realize through sight alone they are your _true love_. Fate will have happened.

Or you'll hookup with someone and then through a rom com series of mishaps end up falling in love accidentally!

Remember, you can't choose to love someone. You are a powerless pawn. You need fate or the stars or an accident to fall in love.

I'm being grumpy but we've developed a weird cultural learned helplessness when it comes to relationships. We're so afraid to be seen as judging other people most folks can't even seem to directly take action.

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#19

Post by igotstandards »

coding123 wrote: post #11

I thought this was interesting: People Who Should Not Marry at All Qualifications for Marriage Percentage Voting for Them Freedom from venereal disease 100% Freedom from feeble-mindedness (If sterilized, 24% would permit marriage) 99% Freedom from insanity 97% Freedom from criminality 94% Freedom from dipsomania 91% Freedom from drug addiction 85% Freedom from neuroticism 76% Proof by groom that he can support bride…

Reminds me of: https://igotstandardsbro.com/

Similarly: https://realitycalc.com/

Re: How to Pick a Mate (1946)

#20

Post by alexpotato »

Scubabear68 wrote: post #6

There obvious historical issues with this book that make it hard to apply to today, but I was still surprised at how well written this was for it’s time. This also shows the importance of birth control in women’s lives. In 1946, sex was a roll of the dice to being pregnant. The odds are now massively improved to avoid pregnancy by using modern birth control methods.

> but I was still surprised at how well written this was for it’s time.

I've read several books written by soldiers who fought in WW1 and the Boer War.

It's fascinating to read a book written 100+ years ago that is easy to read, informative and witty all at the same time.

Sure, there are some things that are hard to understand b/c they don't exist anymore (E.g. "the crates were packed with excelsior") but overall they've been very interesting.

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