Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

Dear lostgame,

First of, I’m so, so sorry to hear. What you’ve gone through (sexual assault, twice) is something nobody should have to go through; and the loss of your mother and your breakup as well (I’ve experienced the death of a parent and a significant breakup, too).

Your courage in sharing what’s happened to you touches me. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist, famously said that “if you can feel it, you can heal it.” And I think part of what you might be doing, by publicly sharing where you’re at, could perhaps be to give yourself permission to feel things more deeply, and letting yourself be witnessed doing so.

In case you’d like to consider joining our startup — we’d be honoured in considering you for a position. We’re a different kind of startup: work/life balance and authenticity is key. We’re basically starting a life-long family of people who resonate with each other :) Our product is still in development, but we’ve got an exciting brand: We are Ecstatic (accessible at ecstatic.com).

Oh! And we’re based in Vancouver, beautiful British Columbia.

Reason I’m mentioning this is because we don’t think of what we’re doing as work, but as play (in all seriousness). We call it “plorking”. Perhaps you need to find a company (such as ours) that let’s you be you throughout — no stress, just creative play.

Be well, and best wishes on your path. Whatever happens, I wish you so much happiness and peace. You deserve it. We each do.

I think a lot of offered advice here is very good. Do you exercise with any regularity? If not I would strongly suggest it. Exercise had a powerful effect on the brain at well as the body and can help you regulate yourself. Also, be sure to get some sunshine. Vitamin D is very important.

Hey lostgame, here are some thoughts:

1. This time of year is notoriously tough on mental health, and that's probably part of it. I got a subclinical case of SAD during the holidays. No triggering reason, life is generally OK, but I really was not very active outside of some minimum activity. I am finally coming out of it now that the days are noticably longer.

2. There's also been a seasonal cold going around that I just started getting over today. Its symptoms were mild but included some amount of disorganization and inability to focus. Really dramatic between yesterday and now in terms of how much I accomplished and how difficult it was.

3. All that notwithstanding, I have had a few traumatic experiences that resurface on occasion. The most effective thing I've done is to find a hobby that is really intensively engaging - not just idle escapism like most entertainment but the top-end, "I have to stay 100% in it" kind of stuff. For a while judo did this. It's a large committment, though, and I can't always find time for it. More recently pinball has filled that gap, and pinball is something I can get a quick fix of on my phone. Both of those games assault the senses and require my total attention to succeed, which really does a lot to reduce the ruminating aspects of traumatic stress.

4. When I want to ruminate and escaping won't do the trick I will turn to a diary. In here I try to settle my thoughts with storytelling. The goal - and there is a goal here - is to not just report the facts and rationales like a detective but to make a fairy tale out of it, adding in the kind of symbolic resolution you feel is just or in character with your beliefs, even if it means adding fantastic elements. When you do this, you change the story into one that allows you to heal and guides your identity back towards something stable. The "healing story" is an old folk technique, and a good, low-risk one to try.

5. It probably isn't the job, and like others are saying, you want to keep that. A good rule to work from is "fix ordinary things", and if the job doesn't need fixing then it probably isn't the focus.

Everything can be a struggle. Let yourself rest, but also don't let things go when you have the energy and focus, even if it means silly stuff. I realized that my habits are such that I am really focused to do a little more coding right when I go to the gym...and so now I go and immediately use their bathroom to get in an extra 20 minutes. I go in the off hours so there isn't a traffic jam, but it's like, "well, my mindset is good here, why not use that?" Sometimes it is little stuff that adds up like that, that gets me through the day.

Dunno if anyone else has mentioned this, but go get a full medical work up. I was feeling like you - traumatic divorce, much stress, etc. as that eased the burn out didn’t get better.

Finally went to get chemical help for the anxiety, and in the process found out: I was diabetic, hypertensive, and had a tumor causing a hormone imbalance (that probably triggered the first two symptoms).

Even if It turns out there is nothing medically wrong, it’s worth the time and effort.

If op is based in Toronto then going somewhere cheap might result in ending up in a spot where you don't know anyone, which would result in isolation. Probably not the best move?