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Another related quote: “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Another great one: “I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.”
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Another great one: “I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.”
How do you interpret this quote, especially the last line. The first line is how I see myself, the second how you see me, then from who's perspective is the last line?
People just want company.
I have a tendency to assume that I don't have a meaningful relationship with someone with whom I have not spoken to extensively. Or, similarly, that they don't like me if we don't speak when we're together.
Something I've learned through traveling is that sharing silence with people is just as important as sharing words with them, and people like you either way. Sitting at a cafe or in a backyard having a drink quietly is all we need. We just want to feel acknowledged
This reminds me of the saying, "We're not who we think we are. Nor are we what others think we are. Rather, we are who we think others think we are."
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I don't want to get into a lot of details, but I will give one example. I had an affair in my twenties with a man whose life could have been absolutely ruined because of it. He wasn't especially good looking, but he had beautiful blue eyes and I had a thing for blue eyes and told him how much I liked his blue eyes. We were not sleeping together at the time and it wasn't an unreasonable thing to say, given circumstanc…
> I had an affair in my twenties with a man > No, he absolutely was not in any position whatsoever to say "Oops, sorry. You can move in with me." if his phone call outed me to my husband and resulted in a divorce. > I'm not exaggerating when I say psycho asshole monster. I mean, you had affair. You can only have affair between two people who are the kind of people to cheat on their partner. You should expect him to b…
A. I've been a member here for over 9 years. My previous handle was Mz. Some of the people asking questions know that I have an established track record here and are familiar with at least some of the following details.
B. I was molested for several years as a child and raped at the age of twelve. I'm quite open about that fact, as well as the therapy and infidelity and divorce that is part of my backstory.
C. I'm not advocating for infidelity. I'm also not going to automatically vilify people for it. I spent years reading all of the research I could find on the topic to sort my crap. It's usually not a black and white case of one spouse as villain and the other as victim. It's typically more complicated than that.
D. The last man I had intercourse with was my ex husband the night before he physically moved out the first week of May 2005, more than 13 years ago. I've been celibate for medical reasons ever since.
That fact has freed me of a lot of baggage from an unfortunate childhood and I no longer live in fear that "I'm really just a whore and was born such, obviously, which must be why grown men did unspeakable things to me as early as age 3 or 4."
At this point, I'm quite clear that I'm socially conservative and "the marrying kind."
My infidelity is not the reason my marriage ended. My ex is a good man who put up with a lot of crap because he loved me. He deserves a purple heart for what I put him through. He's one of the reasons I recovered from my childhood trauma and did not, instead, either commit suicide or end up in jail for some reason.
It's one thing to know this, but another to actually feel it. For a variety of reasons, I get quite bad paranoia sometimes that nobody actually likes me. I feel like at best they tolerate me, and at worst are using me. It's a really shitty feeling to feel. It's caused me to drift away from a lot of friendships because I think "they don't really like me", and then months or years later, I run into them and they ask me…
r/2meirl4meirl
While I am sure the people around me value that perspicacity to some extent, I feel like sometimes they wish I would just shut up and let things be like they are without focussing on imperfections that surround us.
So being positive probably is a better way to make people appreciate your presence.
Also not wishing to brag. The craziest example of this I can think of from my own life is that during one particularly crazy house party during my graduate days I ended up super drunk and waking up in this girl’s bed the next morning. When I was sober I regretted it quite massively. But the morning was horrible. She said how she had liked me for ages and how everyone thinks I’m this great guy but I don’t even know it…
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> I've learnt that few people like a strange, mostly silent creature being around long. It's very rare that I'm around anyone long enough for me to get past it and actually make a friend. Well, being a friend is all about communication. If one sits silent, how can the other gauge if they are good friend material? They could be totally incompatible, a jerk, rude, stupid, etc -- and there's no way to tell otherwise unl…
I recognize this, and yeah it's obvious why others find it strange. I find it difficult to explain. I can fake and cope when rules are known. I can talk where there's shared rules for everyone like an interview or a class, with staff in a store. When it gets to free format, like the lunch break, I don't know the answers any more and have to take time thinking up something to say, so people reasonably move on to more…
Whatever they say, just follow with something on subject. There's no "correct" answer in small talk.
Even straying off topic is OK -- see it as opening a new "sub-thread".