[deleted]
People Like You More Than You Know
41–50 of 220 posts
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#42Earlier quoted context omitted.
This reminds me of a fortune cookie I once had, that I first thought was aggressive, and then I found liberating: "You'd care less about what people think about you if you realized how little they do"
That's the spirit that got Linus Torvalds where he is now — "Be abrasive, don't pull punches, be a 'git'. People don't care about you, so you can't really hurt them anyway"
>where he is now
A celebrated 100x programmer at the top of the software engineering hierarchy, whose work helped span a trillion dollar industry?
He might have regretted being so abrasive as of late, but let's not paint things as if he failed to accomplish much because of that. In fact it might have helped solidify a more cautious approach around kernel development and keep possible detractors at bay, in the early days, compared to him being too polite and accommodating.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#43Does it really matter what others think? Too much of our self-worth is tied up in the fleeting opinions of others. There are only two opinions that matter to me: my wife’s and my daughter’s. The rest of humanity is made up of people I interact with for a specific purpose, such as work, and those interactions are governed by certain rules. Within such frameworks we play our roles and go our separate ways after, and no…
You might hold the opinions of your wife and daughter higher given your point in time, which I'd agree with. However, others opinions of course matter, no they shouldn't totally control how you think about yourself but they certainly do have an impact on how you perceive yourself.
For those that perhaps don't have a wife or daughter, then the opinions of others of course have a higher weighting.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#44I'm sure this is true. Another thing I'm sure of is how little time most people spend thinking about other people. Even the people in my life I don't care for, I rarely spend more than a passing moment thinking about them, even if they're in the same room. The ones I do think about a lot are the ones I love (wife, children, closest friends). Despite knowing this, though, I'll admit that I can spend a lot of time thin…
This reminds me of a fortune cookie I once had, that I first thought was aggressive, and then I found liberating: "You'd care less about what people think about you if you realized how little they do"
Similarly, about what people think of you: "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Bernard_Baruch
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#45It takes me about 3-4 months of being around someone regularly before I’m convinced that they aren’t constantly annoyed by me and everything that I say. I hide it pretty well. Sartre was on to something with his comments about “the gaze of the Other”.
It takes me about 3-4 months of being around someone regularly before I'm able to hold a conversation that's more than direct answers to direct questions. It's impossible to hide pretty well, or at all really. Everyone I've ever known says something like "you don't talk much, do you" or something equally obvious. I used to wonder if people ask others the obvious "you're fat, aren't you" etc. I've learnt that few peop…
>I've learnt that few people like a strange, mostly silent creature being around long. It's very rare that I'm around anyone long enough for me to get past it and actually make a friend.
Well, being a friend is all about communication. If one sits silent, how can the other gauge if they are good friend material?
They could be totally incompatible, a jerk, rude, stupid, etc -- and there's no way to tell otherwise unless they actually engage in speak.
>I read articles that open with "all it takes is a little conversation". Gee thanks. That's the hardest thing I know, and getting harder the further into being an adult I get.
That's the insight though -- the "little" part, i.e. that it shouldn't be viewed as something difficult that one has to get "right".
Just say whatever BS, small talk, etc. Doesn't have to be anything profound or special. It will pick up from there and go on autopilot after a while.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#46Earlier quoted context omitted.
I’ve had the same issue, and it’s really tough. I’ve had some success by asking people questions, paying attention to the answers, asking follow up questions, sharing details about myself if relevant. It doesn’t come naturally and I don’t always do it right, but it has allowed me to become friends with some people who I wouldn’t have been friends with otherwise.
Yeah, basically this. I personally don’t like people asking me a lot of questions, and so for a long time I assumed this was generally true. Apparently it isn’t. People like to talk about their lives. I guess my main reason for not liking people asking me questions is how their eyes glaze over and they start fidgeting when I answer. Maybe it’s me. I find it pretty annoying so I give terse answers or deflect in one wa…
>Apparently it isn’t. People like to talk about their lives.
Us nerds usually don't, but most people LOVE it.
(And even us, nerds etc, it's until we got a bond/trust with someone. Then you can't stop us from talking either -- e.g. in any sci-fi or tech convention where some nerds are gathered...).
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#47It takes me about 3-4 months of being around someone regularly before I’m convinced that they aren’t constantly annoyed by me and everything that I say. I hide it pretty well. Sartre was on to something with his comments about “the gaze of the Other”.
It takes me about 3-4 months of being around someone regularly before I'm able to hold a conversation that's more than direct answers to direct questions. It's impossible to hide pretty well, or at all really. Everyone I've ever known says something like "you don't talk much, do you" or something equally obvious. I used to wonder if people ask others the obvious "you're fat, aren't you" etc. I've learnt that few peop…
As engineers we are capable of fixing this. Feign interest. Learn small talk. Eventually you’ll hit a point where you are not faking it but very much engaged.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#48Earlier quoted context omitted.
This reminds me of a fortune cookie I once had, that I first thought was aggressive, and then I found liberating: "You'd care less about what people think about you if you realized how little they do"
That's the spirit that got Linus Torvalds where he is now — "Be abrasive, don't pull punches, be a 'git'. People don't care about you, so you can't really hurt them anyway"
He started to change a while back and now even more. I am sure you missed this that happened recently.
https://lore.kernel.org/lkml/CA+55aFy+Hv9O5citAawS+mVZO+ywCK...
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#49These are true stories. I don't wish to come across as bragging. The last day of a job I had for seven years, the director of engineering told me I was the best engineer he ever knew. And he worked for some pretty well known engineering firms. If he had told me that before, I might not have left. A woman came into my office--someone who didn't seem to want to give me the time of day--and the conversation got around t…
> Well, I was interested in them, too.
If you would have just said something sooner, life, for you, would be totally different now.
Re: People Like You More Than You Know
#50These are true stories. I don't wish to come across as bragging. The last day of a job I had for seven years, the director of engineering told me I was the best engineer he ever knew. And he worked for some pretty well known engineering firms. If he had told me that before, I might not have left. A woman came into my office--someone who didn't seem to want to give me the time of day--and the conversation got around t…
I wouldn't necessarily put too much evidence in what people tell you on your last few days. Not too say rule it out, and the bottle of whiskey is something hard to deny.