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A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

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Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#131

Post by singular »

gaius wrote: post #99
singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

To put this in perspective, you're taller than Tom Cruise.

Sigh. Sure, if I looked like/were as confident as Tom Cruise I could compensate for the height disadvantage. But it's still a disadvantage.

The interesting point with these sorts of responses is they follow the fallacious logic of 'here is an anecdotal example of somebody with your disadvantage succeeding due to separate advantages, therefore you don't have a disadvantage at all.'

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#132

Post by singular »

SZenith wrote: post #65
singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

I'm 5'3", it is an insane disadvantage. Even if that's false, no amount of words will change the belief -- it's experiences that change that. But we both know that, no matter how fucked up you are, there are girls who would consider you "good enough". Your job is to go out and find out what those girls are like. One of two things will happen: either you're fine with those girls; or you'll suddenly find a massive moti…

At last somebody who gets my point.

I've given up because of this and other factors. But I respect your positivity and you're right there is more to it.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#133

Post by singular »

ImprovedSilence wrote: post #20
Falling3 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair, there is really no mention of romantic relationships. And in my experience, short stature is not nearly enough to count you out.

Agreed.. I'd say just try to be genuinely interested in and caring for other people, your confidence will grow, you'll have brighter days, and it'll come. Attitude is everything. Just be a all around good guy, and doors will open (romantic, and otherwise). Also ya might not get a 9 or 10, but there are plenty of girls out there that don't mind. Heck, I've dated girls with 2" on me.

Wishful thinking, I'm afraid. How tall are you compared to the average in your country? For somebody who doesn't have this disadvantage, it simply doesn't exist.

I refer again to http://cdn.okcimg.com/blog/lies/MessagesPerWeek.png - it's not 100% but it's indicative. Also I refer you to walking down the street in your town. If you were correct, then there'd be a big variation (or at least one resembling the normal dist) in male height in couples you see. But in fact what you see is something of a skew...

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#134

Post by singular »

photorized wrote: post #29
singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

I am short (5'6"). Never had a problem (except maybe as a kid). My wife is taller than me. I am sure you will be fine. It's all about the attitude.

I had a very beautiful girlfriend during uni + didn't believe this was a problem at all. Then that ended + it became quite obvious.

Just because you managed to overcome the disadvantage, doesn't make it not a thing. It's not all about the attitude (or rather apparent confidence), it's partly about it.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#135

Post by singular »

debt wrote: post #22
singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

wat. you're 5'5". that's what's stopping you from being in love? what in the fuck does that have to do with ANYTHING. that's not a question. you need to get out of your head, your bubble and get friends first. good friends that can help you get your head straight. no one cares about your height bro.

Except there is plenty of evidence that women have a massive preference for tall men. Just go round asking some women, seriously. Or check out dating sites/columns. Height is a biiig thing.

How tall are you can I ask compared to your national average? To somebody without this disadvantage it simply doesn't exist.

It's not the only thing, but it's a MASSIVE thing.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#136

Post by singular »

eloff wrote: post #70
singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

Maybe try another country where people are shorter and men from the US are more attractive to the local women. I'm an average height average looking fellow from Canada. But living in Latin America I strut around like a Norse god. I'm dating a model right now - I never thought I'd say that.

Yes, this is indeed something I've considered :-)

I'd be completely average height in Mexico, say.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#137

Post by singular »

jl6 wrote: post #72
singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

Sorry if this sounds harsh, I mean no harm, just asking you to consider... There are plenty of women out there who would be happy to date you. You are the one filtering them out. Consider women over 40 and women with children. Those groups have huge problems finding men. Works both ways.

Sure, actually this is far better reply than most here, sorry you got downvoted. You at least accept the premise.

I hate to sound like a terrible hypocrite, but I do have to apply filter enough that I'd be able to honestly say I found them attractive. My standards are actually not all that vastly high to sound like a terribly shallow person.

As for women w/children, I wouldn't on the basis of having had a step parent during my upbringing and the various weirdnesses that involves so I'd rather be single than be in that position.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#138

Post by singular »

magwildwood wrote: post #34
singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

Some of it may be attitude. Others can read insecurity, which can be a big barrier to establishing solid relationships. I think it's true that many women have a bias against shorter men, but after getting to know someone can see that it was a shallow prejudgment. I can admit to stating a preference for men over six feet, but have dated men not even an inch taller than my 5'6" self. In the end, other things mattered m…

"I can admit to stating a preference for men over six feet, but have dated men not even an inch taller than my 5'6" self."

QED.

I think it's less of a conscious thing a lot of the time, rather it's an ingredient in sexual attraction + 'chemistry', so naturally you women often feel more attracted to a taller man (if that doesn't sound terribly condescending, I don't mean it to be!), in the same way we men prefer symmetrical faces and a certain hip-to-waist ratio. We usually wouldn't put it that way, but it's inbuilt.

It's only 1 factor of course. I think of it in terms of chemistry prerequisites - once you get through those then the real stuff that matters comes into play, but without it you're never going to advance beyond the friendzone.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#139

Post by vijayr »

singular wrote: post #131
gaius wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To put this in perspective, you're taller than Tom Cruise.

Sigh. Sure, if I looked like/were as confident as Tom Cruise I could compensate for the height disadvantage. But it's still a disadvantage. The interesting point with these sorts of responses is they follow the fallacious logic of 'here is an anecdotal example of somebody with your disadvantage succeeding due to separate advantages, therefore you don't have a disadvantage at all.'

I agree. I'm also in the short category, so I understand your pain.

I don't know about his confidence, but he's got really good looks. He doesn't have much acting talent (in my opinion), still he is so successful in his field. I suppose looks can take one far, really far.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#140

Post by precisioncoder »

calinet6 wrote: post #128
precisioncoder wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My comment still applies. People with happy lives will see their earlier years in a warmer light than those without happy lives.

I think the point is that they actually surveyed them every two years, so they weren't asking them to look back on their lives, they actually had that information while they were experiencing it. There may be other biases and errors, but I don't think your argument is valid given the method.

They started surveying them when they were at Harvard from what I understand. That is still quite a bit removed from their childhoods. In any case the point about correlation != causation stands. The information is interesting, but I find that too often with these studies a correlation is taken. A conclusion is then made on the basis of the correlation, and then the conclusion is stated as fact. Anecdotal evidence follows and that's the end of it. The thing that irritates me the most is that it's just taken as truth and rarely if ever do people investigate further. I'd just love to have a discussion about the data and the possible implications and other explanations for the same data with judgement left up to the reader.
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