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Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

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Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#131

Post by jlokier »

CincinnatiMan wrote: post #108
Scubabear68 wrote: post #20

I think this strongly depends on the couple. My wife and I have had separate checking accounts for 20 years, and a shared savings account, and a second shared checking account we use strictly for transferring money back and forth (we can’t use savings for that due to stupid banking rules). We also have split the hills according to our relative incomes. I make a lot more so I have the mortgage and a few big ticket ite…

> Do what works for you. This study is saying couples randomly chosen to merge finances had better relationships, which doesn’t really align with your advice.

Better relationships on average. What works best for you might not align with the average for your cohort. Adapting average-based advice to your individual characteristics often results in a better match to what's best for you than following the average ignoring your individual characteristics.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#132

Post by SeasonalEnnui »

dc3k wrote: post #86

I couldn't be happier with a hybrid setup. My gf and I have an account that we both contribute mortgage and utility money into. Our finances are otherwise completely separate. We buy whatever we want and trust each other to pay our share. It is extremely easy and has not once resulted in any arguments.

Same here. It has been educational to see the various viewpoints in the comments and how complex this can get.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#133

Post by jlokier »

sidewndr46 wrote: post #109
majormajor wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It sounds like they specifically attempted to avoid that reasoning by taking the decision away from the couples: "In a six-wave longitudinal experiment, we investigated whether randomly assigning engaged or newlywed couples to merge their money in a joint bank account increases relationship quality over time." I would like to see more of this by income level, though, which isn't mentioned in the abstract. If you don'…

oh god, I just realized this study is based off self reporting isn't it? In other words couples are happier when they perceive they have a joint checking account with no separate accounts.

I think just seeing double the balance (or much more for high income disparity households) on bank statements due to being assigned to the joint-account cohort seems likely to make a lot of people feel more psychologically secure by itself, regardless of how their relationship is going.

But that does count as happier.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#134

Post by austhrow743 »

em-bee wrote: post #81
theresistor wrote: post #23

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/he…

split finances doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves nor does it create them. my wife and i have separate bank accounts but we don't have a trust issue. payments are made by whoever is doing it from their account. if an account is low on money we just move some without any regards as to whose money it is or who earned it.

That doesn't sound like split finances. You're just using multiple bank accounts.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#135

Post by helpfulmandrill »

I think even if you fully pool finances, it is best to each take an agreed "allowance" out of that for personal consumption. I don't think its healthy to be a position where any and every purchase you make could be questioned and/or criticised. Some things should be your own private decision.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#136

Post by helpfulmandrill »

sidewndr46 wrote: post #110
itsmemattchung wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Issues can be categorized into three buckets: my challenges, her challenges, shared challenges. We're working through many of these with our couple's therapist but here's the gist: 1. When wife would spend beyond our defined budget, I would get angry (stemming from fear) and let that boil inside without ever communicating it verbally 2. When wife and I decided for her to quit her job to parent our first daughter full…

You do realize that setting a budget is by definition controlling behavior? You are controlling the expenditure of the household. I'm not suggesting you are wrong for that, but it is controlling behavior. So your wife observed controlling behavior and then equated it to something in her past.

It isn't controlling behaviour if you both have equal input into designing the budget, and both agree to and support the idea of having a budget in the first place.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#138

Post by npteljes »

theresistor wrote: post #23

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/he…

I think that split finances solve the incompatibility problem for the legal system and banks, and not the couple involved.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#139

Post by npteljes »

dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

It's all about where you set the boundaries, and yours is perfectly valid too. People can and do have a wide variety of arrangements in marriage, some sleep in different rooms, some never meet the other one's friends, some sign a prenup and some don't, and so on.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#140

Post by jncfhnb »

em-bee wrote: post #100
jncfhnb wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t understand how you can write (1) and not perceive it as an easily solved communication problem with your own wife

because of point 3. for example my wife didn't like me doing detailed accounting of all of our expenses do i had to stop that. she hasn't spent to much money so that issue didn't come up but i can imagine it being a problem to tell your partner they spend to much if the partner is sensitive about that.

That’s not an excuse to let things boil up without talking about it. If you fundamentally cannot communicate with someone you should not get married
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