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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#131

Post by peoplefromibiza »

> I am turning 35 years soon and I feel like I haven't achieved much

that's normal

with some rare exceptions, at 35 you are too young to watch at you life with the right perspective and you feel like you haven't achieved much.

It is also because it's true, you haven't achieved much in the grand scheme if things, like virtually everyone of us, but what you have achieved on a personal level will be visible in the future, it's invisible right now.

Look at it this way: you are at the beginning of the journey, things that are gard now get easier with time, things that now are easy get harder with age, but at 35 you have actually "lived" less than 20 years, while many more are in front of you and nobody can actually predict what's going to happen next. Life is full of surprises.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#132

Post by hughrr »

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos.

Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on:

1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marathon now.

2. Social contacts. Get out there and make friends. In my case i signed up to Meetup and just attended random stuff until people stuck. This usually involves hiking, pubs and bars, restaurant nights out.

3. Invest in experiences. Go travelling, do new things and learn new stuff completely away from your usual area of expertise and comfort. So I’m usually desk bound in the middle of the city but a few weeks back I’m standing on a mountain in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night in the middle of winter doing celestial navigation course. It was amazing.

All positive, fulfilling experiences in life I have found require putting yourself in unusual and uncomfortable positions. Life where there is no normal but it’s not bad abnormal is where the fun is. Doing those things together with other people is where you make meaningful lasting friends and relationships too.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#133

Post by danparsonson »

You mentioned travel - what's the longest stretch of time you have travelled for? I went backpacking for two years at 35 and it was the best thing I ever did for myself; the chance to just 'be' without any pressure on your time, the freedom to go and do whatever you like with whomever you like - it was wonderful therapy for me, and I came back recharged and ready for the next phase of life.

If you haven't ever had a very long travel holiday, consider it.

edit: if you want to make friends, I recommend SCUBA diving - I've never met a more welcoming, inclusive community of people

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#134

Post by info781 »

ilililililili wrote: post #81

As a Non-English speaker, my advice is to try some language exchange services. There are a lot of girls out there in their early 20s who want to have a relationship with English speaker like you. Learn a new language and make new connections with new people. A good travel, or new business opportunities. Who knows the future? Being unmarried also means being free. Take advantage of the privileges you have.

Great advice, learning another language gets your brain going and into social situations. He sounds lonely.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#135

Post by timwaagh »

Better to not let those kinds of ideas trick you. You'd be rich in some parts of the world. You're not yet old. Maybe it's time to get out of wherever you are and find happiness in a place where people will appreciate you. Personally I dream of this but my savings aren't enough yet.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#136

Post by [deleted] »

alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#137

Post by sriram_malhar »

bregma wrote: post #100
ifdefdebug wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if they blow into your face? :/

Then you learn about how the medical system works. Everything present a learning opportunity; it's up to you to embrace it and earn some benefit.

Just to be clear, don't embrace the steam engine.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#138

Post by holdenc »

My friend, you are not lost -- you are free. From what I can tell, you have your health, your youth (35 is still young) and you have some savings. If you don't have a mortgage, kids, a spouse, and a job you cannot leave, then you are free. The next step is to see the world. Get a one-way ticket to Chiang Mai and try to stay as long as possible. Learn the language, get a scooter, and talk to people. Live close to the earth, and when you eventually miss home, you will return a different person. Certain places are easier to reboot yourself than others. Pick some place warm and friendly.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#139

Post by rman666 »

35? You are still wet behind the ears! I’m almost 59 and I code all the time (Ruby on Rails, mostly). Age truly is just a number. If you feel confused about all the languages and frameworks, you are right to feel that way. It’s confusing as hell. Everyone feels that way. You just have to find your niche and become an expert in it. Let us know how you’re doing when you’re 60!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#140

Post by forinti »

WJW wrote: post #51

Have you asked your parents yet? They have a lot more experience being old than you.

I'd try talking to old people other than your parents. By now he should know what to expect from them and he should also have found out how he differs from them.
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