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The unusual ways Western parents raise children

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#131

Post by brudgers »

meowster wrote: post #82
alistairSH wrote: post #29

Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…

I volunteer with a U.S. Scout troop. I see boys that don't know whether or not they can go on an activity/campout because they have to ask their parents if they're free that day/weekend. I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in. Most all of them just seem apathetic. I'm sure their parents are trying to do what is best f…

These days, there aren't many kids who only do Scouting...it's an over-scheduling comorbidity. For kids who resist over-scheduling, scouting seems to be one of the first things to go...because den and pack meetings are by and for adults, they never make it to a troop.

Or to put it another way, teenage apathy prevalence is probably pre-teen survivor bias.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#132

Post by A4ET8a8uTh0 »

PebblesRox wrote: post #111
dlisboa wrote: post #87

Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child? You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (…

I agree and I really dislike the undercurrent of fear that's present in a lot of parenting advice. The message (implicitly or explicitly) tends to be "do it this way or you'll damage your kids." But the truth is we're never going to be perfect parents, we have no guarantees over how our kids turn out, and there are a wide range of approaches that will lead to good outcomes. I like to do research to discover options I…

There is damage and there is damage. Some can really change kids trajectory. Some become a funny anecdote for the future. I am a newly minted parent and we had a visitation from a parent, who now has a 4 year old. She already introduced him to Starbucks and McDonalds. Now I have to ensure that she stays way way down on the list of people we would consider babysitting.

There may not be wrong way to parent exactly and each parent is entitled to damage their kids ( within reasons prescribed by the society ). My line clearly starts with food and I can already see I people won't like me in school, PTA and like meetings. Joy.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#134

Post by [deleted] »

TomK32 wrote: post #32
diegocg wrote: post #24

>A 2016 review that looked at research on children sharing not just a room but a bed with one or more of their parents found a high prevalence in many Asian countries: Let me guess: there is a high correlation between sharing your room and poverty levels?

30 percent of British children are living in poverty. https://cpag.org.uk/child-poverty/child-poverty-facts-and-fi...

[deleted]

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#135

Post by newsbinator »

richardwhiuk wrote: post #125
newsbinator wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It seems to me people who are loved and cared for as children are raised and generally become well-adjusted and happy individuals. Is there evidence that people who are tolerated and fed/clothed but not super-loved or super cared-for as children have worse outcomes as adults (adjusting for socio-economic class)?

Yes.

Could you please link to it?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#136

Post by Dumblydorr »

The only thing I feel certain of is that hitting children or abusing them is a sad unnecessary practice. Adults need the wisdom and sense to handle problems with logic and words. Physical violence is simply bullying and using superior size and strength, which is irrelevant in the modern world and which predisposes your children to violent behaviors.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#137

Post by madcaptenor »

tibbydudeza wrote: post #65
tw04 wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or, they like having sex? I'm not having sex with my kid sleeping in the same room. And I'm not particularly interested in having to manage my sex life around my kids sleep schedule. I don't know why you think adults wanting a space they can do whatever they want without their kids witnessing the activity means they have a "weird focus on individualism".

Drop the kids of at school/daycare/grandparents - come back home :).

This is harder these days. I remember hearing some speculation early in the pandemic that there would be a lot of first children coming out of it but very few second or greater children. The data on this should be starting to come out now.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#138

Post by PebblesRox »

tw04 wrote: post #27
DC1350 wrote: post #18

Your kid doesn’t need their own room. In fact, neither do you. Everyone could live so much more carbon efficiently if we accepted communal living. Like dorm rooms. People all around the world rent small apartments with their extended families, and sometimes even other families. The only reason people in the west believe they need a single family home is because they’re entitled and have a weird focus on individualism…

Or, they like having sex? I'm not having sex with my kid sleeping in the same room. And I'm not particularly interested in having to manage my sex life around my kids sleep schedule. I don't know why you think adults wanting a space they can do whatever they want without their kids witnessing the activity means they have a "weird focus on individualism".

In our case the benefits of better sleep for both of us at night made it worth the loss of flexibility/spontaneity with sex. We got to skip the sleep-deprived phase of caring for a newborn thanks to bedsharing. Better sleep makes it easier to feel up for sex as well!

I would advise new parents to consider their values and weigh the costs of a variety of approaches.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#139

Post by yukogon »

kkwteh wrote: post #47

From the perspective of the Lindy principle it is weird. I have an eighteen-month old child and have been reading a lot about child rearing since my wife got pregnant. It’s taboo to say this, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I suspect that a lack of adult attention in the first three years of life is a principal factor in the rising autism rates we’re seeing in modern economies. This would explain why autism…

I'm a layman, but I have a theory it's related to noise levels in modern environments (especially always-on TVs). Curious what your thoughts are, since you seem to be somewhat familiar with the literature.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#140

Post by nineplay »

"Parents in are better parents than you" is a real crowd pleaser when it comes to a chance to explain why your has just been Validated by Science.

Someone once said that there is no more a right way to 'parent' than there is a right way to 'spouse' or 'child'. Everyone is different, every relationship is different. When I give advice to new parents, I tell them exactly that. Their relationship with their kid is going to be specific to them and their kid, and don't feel pressured to do things the 'right' way by an external source.

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