Too much positivity at the workplace and at one point, it feels so empty and cringy. Especially when it's just words, as opposed to actions. Or a facade like other commenters have mentioned. The worst part is when you don't feel like playing along but have to or else risk being seen as the "party breaker".
Toxic positivity does more harm than good
131–140 of 296 posts
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#132Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think the article touches on a distinction between these things: > Even the oppressive insistence that we should love our body, no matter what, can tip into upbeat intolerance by implying that it’s not OK to want to work on tummy folds or laugh lines. I read the Cosmo cover as suggesting "it's OK to not want to change your body", toxic positivity would be "it's not OK to want to change your body". In that case, tox…
I claim "it's OK to not want to change your body" is itself toxic positivity. Yes, it's "okay" in that you should not experience body or fat-shaming for being obese. No, it's not "okay" in that you are at extremely elevated risks of every health disease - and your quality of life is really terrible in comparison to people who are not obese. It's actually really terrible for the state and for society to normalize this…
> you are at extremely elevated risks of every health disease
That's factually inaccurate.
> It's actually really terrible for the state and for society to normalize this
I don't believe there is any science to back this assertion up. It's an interesting hypothesis, but I doubt it's true.
> think this lesser form of "toxic positivity" inspires complacency and a general victim mentality
Actually, the opposite is true. Shame is linked with health care avoidance: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S17401...
I'd be interested if you have seen evidence that shame increases weight loss in obese people? Am I understand you correctly that's your thesis?
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#133Earlier quoted context omitted.
no one wants fake praise, but rather real, genuine praise only. some folks will convince themselves the fake praise is genuine, but mostly, everyone can tell in their heart of hearts which is which. you're not really fooling most folks most of the time. give real praise only when it's deserved. support and compassion, however, should always be readily at hand.
Depends. Your output may feel great to someone else, but you may not feel excited about it personally. (and there may be no conflict, or fakery of praise in it) Perhaps based on how perfectionist you are, or based on what you like about the work. You might be excited/motivated by different aspects of your work than your manager. To me it would come down to whether I think other person is praising my work just to get…
then it's not fake praise (in the latter case), but genuine praise, whether you value the output the same or not.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#134That's not "positivity". That's 'gratuitous praise'.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#135I vastly prefer honest negativity over dishonest positivity. An example of this is the behavior of service personnel in the US compared to my native country, every time I go there I almost want to tell them to tone down the niceness, but of course there's no point because I realize I'm the odd one out. Of course I appreciate the effort of being "nice" but when you're not doing it out of genuine care for someone I'd m…
American in Europe : "Jesus, everyone here is so rude and cold." European in America : "Jesus, everyone here is so fake and annoying."
American here. I think many of us are kind of socially unmoored, and actually don't know how to take a neutral tone, and get anxious when someone takes a neutral tone with us. Almost like we're so insecure that we need constant positive feedback/reassurance that we're in a friendly situation. I've been around this my whole life and haven't gotten used to it, but I do the overly friendly act when it seems that people are expecting it. It doesn't cost me anything, and it seems to help people leave an interaction feeling secure.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#136I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…
This may sound a bit cynical but it's honest: When everyone else is gratuitously praising engineering, it sort of creates an atmosphere that feels like engineering is being taken advantage of by these other people: managers, sales people, execs. It feels like these people think you're their cash cow, and also that they think you're kind of stupid, and gratuitous compliments are enough to keep the cash cow going. That may not be what goes on, but that's what it feels like.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#137I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…
Project and Product managers have to give this praise because they contribute much less to the project, but take the majority of the credit. Designers and Engineers do the actual work. This is the sad reality of most tech companies with more than 20 employees.
Not having PMs and PdMs is a massive benefit of smaller orgs. Do everything you can to avoid hiring these people.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#138For those getting paywalled https://outline.com/YpT9Eb
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#139I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…
Same for me. I hate the celebratory management emails after crunch time. They feel insulting to me. I expect management to help during the project and not celebrating once everything is done. That while not having fixed obvious problems during the project. My partner is the other way. She loves and needs praise. The more the better. Another interesting thing was at the end of one of the last projects. There was a sur…
Haha, I feel I fall on both groups. Like, tell me how awesome I did and also better give me a bonus or I'll take my awesome self somewhere else (⌐■_■)
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#140I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…
A lot of insight in the parent comment here. Most importantly this: "...there seems to be two camps of people: those who want constant positive reinforcement and those who it completely has the opposite effect ..." If you are leading and or managing a team, one of the most important things you need to know are how do people want their feedback. My experience is that it varies from person to person (I suspect that the…
> So "we need to work harder" for behind plan
That will just get me angry. If you screw up your commitments that’s on you. Own up to it and talk to your stakeholders. Don’t make me work harder for your mistakes.