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It's later than you think

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Re: It's later than you think

#131

Post by smallgovt »

CalRobert wrote: post #25

Remember that performative workaholism is poison to life. Every time you put in more hours over the weekend "just because", dial in to a meeting on your vacation, or get on Slack at 10 PM "just to check a few things" - you're shifting the culture to make it that much more acceptable to demand it of everyone. The parents in your meetings that run until 7:30 bitterly hate you. It might seem OK when you're single, child…

This seems like a classic case of you projecting your value system on your peers. The reality of the situation is that is that there are a ton of ways to live a fulfilling life. Not all of them require strong family values, and there isn't any legal pressure to adopt family values as far as I can tell. I would actually put the onus on you to learn to work with colleagues who value work over family. If you can't live harmoniously with your values and your employer, you should find another job.

Re: It's later than you think

#132

Post by joelx »

nervousvarun wrote: post #18
stasusmt wrote: post #7

I think we need to care about our parent too. As they become old, we are just fly away from them and they will struggle in their stage as us. Damn life.

So much this. Personally feel this is one of the most deplorable "widely accepted" social phenomenon in the west. I have an immigrant family on my street (know them and they are from China) that is three generations...every morning as I drive to work I pass the grandparents walking the children to the bus stop for school. Every day I think "why don't our parents live with us"? I've asked them but they've said no. The…

Living with family is fantastic and should be strongly encouraged.

Re: It's later than you think

#133

Post by whalesalad »

citizenkeen wrote: post #120

I live in Portland. I switched to being a software developer when my son was born, starting a new career. I make probably $20K less than my peers. (I make $82K a year as a fourth year C# software dev. I've got a law degree and am willing to travel around the country a few weeks a year for stakeholder meetings.) I'm home every day by 3:15. I take my son to the library, to the park, to the forest, to OMSI, on weekdays.…

You can do both. You’re worth more than that. It doesn’t need to be one or the other.

Re: It's later than you think

#134

Post by ChuckMcM »

ryanwaggoner wrote: post #124
ChuckMcM wrote: post #74

Such a heart breaking story. For me it was taking a walk around the office and seeing a private plane take off from San Carlos airport, here its engine sputter, and then watching as it fell from the sky into the "lagoon" next to a hotel. Life ends. Really slammed home how a 'normal' day could suddenly be a really bad day, or your last day. One of the unfortunate challenges of tech work is that as someone young and si…

Was it a twin airplane? I was doing flight training out of San Carlos around the time that happened and yeah, it was sobering. I haven’t flown since my daughter was born. This one: https://m.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/NTSB-Engine-failure-in-...

That exact one

Re: It's later than you think

#135

Post by _thro_a_way_ »

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #113
leshow wrote: post #85

Reading this post I can't help but feel for the sibling. When I was 5 I lost my sister and best friend; you just aren't equipped to deal with the event at that age.

Yes, so many years with the pains unravelling as you learn to cope with that loss. Children are great at handling traumatic events, but it doesn't mean it's any less traumatic. That poor kid is probably going to struggle with this for a long time.

One hot August day my father was involved in a farm machinery accident, and died of his injuries two weeks later. I was 5.

All the time I was growing up, it used to surface every couple of years. Later when I got into college and took a bunch of psychology and child development classes, I learned that the brain undergoes a major reorganization at about two year intervals, the last being in the early twenties. Looking back, I realized that at every brain re-org, I mourned again. I mourned like a 5 year old at 5, like a 7 year old at 7, etc.

After my twenties, I thought I had put it completely behind me.

Then when my own daughter was 5, I had a period of several months where I felt an unfocused dread. A feeling of impending doom that I just could not explain or account for. Then in late September of that year, somehow I snapped out of it, with the realization that I was still alive. I looked at my daughter and understood that I was her age when my father passed. And it all made sense. And I am free.

Thanks for listening.

Re: It's later than you think

#136

Post by jesterson »

whalesalad wrote: post #133
citizenkeen wrote: post #120

I live in Portland. I switched to being a software developer when my son was born, starting a new career. I make probably $20K less than my peers. (I make $82K a year as a fourth year C# software dev. I've got a law degree and am willing to travel around the country a few weeks a year for stakeholder meetings.) I'm home every day by 3:15. I take my son to the library, to the park, to the forest, to OMSI, on weekdays.…

You can do both. You’re worth more than that. It doesn’t need to be one or the other.

I believe it's almost impossible. Each of us have 24 hours per day and as of now, there is no way to stretch it.

Re: It's later than you think

#137

Post by patatino »

When I was 16 I started my education as a software developer in a company and for the first time realized there are fathers who cannot go home and eat lunch with their kids.

My father was always at home for lunch.

My daughter was born 11 months ago and I switched jobs and work now fully remote.

Re: It's later than you think

#139

Post by porter »

bradlys wrote: post #49
stasusmt wrote: post #7

I think we need to care about our parent too. As they become old, we are just fly away from them and they will struggle in their stage as us. Damn life.

I think those who like their parents do already. I think those who don't like their parents don't need to. It's the parents' job to be a person worth loving and caring for. It isn't the child's burden.

I just read this the other day about caring for elderly abusive parents and found it refreshing:

https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/02/abusive-parents-wha...

Re: It's later than you think

#140

Post by rdtwo »

mieseratte wrote: post #44
asveikau wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I would argue [...] are the cause There is a problem in thinking any one thing is "the cause". It's a multi-faceted problem of many self-reinforcing causes. The comment above talking about " shifting the culture to make it that much more acceptable " is a nod to the subtlety of what contributes to this. All parties, employers and employees both, need to see how they do this.

> The comment above talking about "shifting the culture to make it that much more acceptable" is a nod to the subtlety of what contributes to this. I see no "nod to subtlety" as you claim. All I see is a claim that one employee's overwork is what enables the boss to force you into overwork. For this to happen one needs 1) routine culture of overwork, 2) and employer who leans into this fact, and 3) an inability or un…

When has any production/productivity increase not become the new norm? Have you ever finished a 6 month job in 5 and been given 6 months again the next time. Everywhere I’ve worked if you finish a month early you just get 2 months less the next time because obviously you weren’t challenged enough
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